Do You Struggle Giving Difficult Feedback?

Tell me if this situation sounds familiar: you need to have a hard conversation with one of your team members about their performance, but you’ve been avoiding it because you’re not sure how to approach it.?

This is the situation a good 75 to 80 percent of the leaders we work with describe to us during our Be a GR8 Coach workshops. They want to be better at direct communication and offering feedback, even if they’re often terrified to follow through.??

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I watched this happen way back when I was a baby Coach running leadership development workshops and teaching people about giving better feedback. We taught participants how to give feedback. It quickly became clear that, even though they knew constructive feedback was a good idea, and even though we’d given them tools to help those conversations go better, these aspiring leader-coaches were still avoiding the hard conversations. Why???

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The quick answer most gave was they didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. The more honest answer is that they were uncomfortable delivering difficult information. Either way, they weren’t practicing what they had learned.?

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Direct conversations are hard—and very few of us like being uncomfortable. To become a great coach, however, perhaps nothing is more important than tackling that discomfort head-on. Letting time pass doesn't fix anything, but it can make things worse. Problems compound if given time—so don’t give them any time.?

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When you see a questionable behavior over time, or see work products that don't meet expectations, talk about it. From time to time, you will have to give someone feedback about their performance. There are three keys to doing this:?

1. Be a Coach, not a critic. I’ve found that feedback happens best in the context of a coaching conversation. When I understand your intention, I can provide feedback as to how your actions are helping you or hindering you from achieving what you intend. That’s better than cold calling you and dropping feedback on you. If I do that, I’m probably giving you feedback to make me feel better, not helping you get better. Aim to help, not attack.?
2. Be Concrete. Effective feedback isn’t about sharing your opinion of what’s good or bad; it’s about drawing a direct line between specific behaviors and specific outcomes. Communicate with specificity about a recent observed action that is counter-productive.
3. Be Clear. Be direct in what you say, and kind in how you say it. What did you observe? What was the impact of the person’s behavior on you and/or team dynamics? What shift are you wanting to see the person make??

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There are real, tangible benefits to developing this skill. Constructive feedback is vital for personal and professional growth. According to Gallup, employees who receive regular feedback are 3.6 times more likely to be engaged at work than those who do not.?

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Never avoid hard conversations. If something is a minor issue, repair it. Minor issues become major issues over time. A hard conversation now prevents a harder conversation later. Time doesn't fix anything, but it can make problems compound. To wait, defer, or “hope” it will get better is not an option, as both the organization's performance and the impact on co-workers start to take hold and can have a compounding negative impact.??

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Cheers,??

Greg?

About the Author??

Dr. Greg Giuliano is an advisor and executive coach to senior executives and teams all over the world, designing change leadership and team development strategies to lead organizational transformation. His mission is to help leaders and teams grow their capacity to enable positive disruption for markets, organizations, teams, and individuals.???

Greg is the author of the #1 Amazon Bestsellers The Next Normal, Ultra Leadership, and The Hero’s Journey: Toward a More Authentic Leadership.???