Do You Spark Joy?

It’s an interesting question, isn’t it? Are you someone who multiplies joy when you’re with others, or do you sometimes find yourself draining their energy? Maybe you only bring out the best in certain people - are they the ones who matter most? Or perhaps you’ve realised that some relationships could use a boost. This isn’t a Marie Kondo exercise; it’s about understanding the massive influence we have on each other’s energy, especially during this time of year when it’s in high demand.

What’s the key to strong relationships?

Here’s something that surprised me (and might surprise you too): Strong relationships are often less about how people handle conflict and more about how they respond to good news. Think about that. We may assume navigating disagreements defines relationship health, but research shows it’s actually how we celebrate each other’s wins that makes the biggest difference (Gable, Reis, Impett, & Asher, 2004).

So when someone shares good news with you, how do you respond? Do you brush it off, change the subject, or give a half-hearted “That’s nice”? Or do you genuinely engage, showing enthusiasm and curiosity? By noticing our own reactions, we can shift toward responses that energise and uplift. This is where the concept of Active Constructive Responding (ACR) comes into play.

What is Active Constructive Responding (ACR)?

ACR is the art of being fully present and engaged when someone shares good news. It’s about amplifying their joy and making them feel genuinely seen. ACR is the only response that strengthens bonds (personal or professional), whereas other responses - whether passive or destructive (see the table below) - can weaken relationships over time. You see, if you’re a Conversation Killer, a Joy Thief, or a Conversation Hijacker, people will eventually stop sharing with you as they have learnt that their good news won’t be met with any enthusiasm or support.

What does ACR look like?

When someone shares something positive, respond with genuine enthusiasm, ask follow-up questions, and make them feel like their news is one of the best things you’ve heard all day. Here are some ACR examples:

1. A Colleague Shares a Recent Success

• ACR Response: “Wow, that’s awesome! I knew you were working hard on that. How did you make it happen? I want to hear the details!”
• Impact: This builds their confidence, reinforces positive behaviours, and strengthens team morale.

2. Celebrating Completion of a Project

• ACR Response: “We crushed that goal! I’m so proud of everyone’s effort. What do you all think made us so effective as a team? Let’s build on this going forward”
• Impact: Celebrating as a group boosts team cohesion and encourages learning from success.

3. Employee Presents a New Idea or Initiative

• ACR Response: “This is such a better approach! Let’s look at how we could make this work and what impact it could have.”
• Impact: Engaging with curiosity and excitement empowers the employee, fostering a culture of innovation and psychological safety.

Why is ACR so powerful?

Positive emotions do more than feel good - they expand our cognitive resources, making us more creative, resilient, and better at problem-solving. This is known as Barbara Fredrickson’s Broaden-and-Build Theory, which highlights how practising ACR offers huge benefits, especially in the workplace:

• Increases Energy: Positive interactions boost motivation and engagement.
• Boosts Engagement: People stay committed when they feel valued and heard.
• Enhances Relationships: Trust and connection grow when others know you genuinely care.
• Strengthens Resilience: Supportive relationships buffer against stress, making us more resilient.
• Encourages a Positive Culture: When leaders and team members practise ACR, it creates a culture of celebration and collaboration.

The Ripple Effect of ACR

ACR doesn’t just impact two people - it has a ripple effect. When you respond positively and constructively, you create a culture where people are encouraged to share their successes. This energy spreads, making the whole team more engaged and motivated. Imagine the impact if we all committed to sparking more joy!?

But let’s be honest. Responding actively and constructively isn’t always easy, especially when we’re stressed or distracted. In those moments, it helps to pause and remind yourself that celebrating someone else’s success doesn’t diminish your own. If you find it difficult, try focusing on the other person’s happiness and let their joy lift your spirits.

So can you practise some ACR this week? Whether it’s with a colleague or a loved one, try responding with genuine enthusiasm and curiosity. See how it transforms your interactions and boosts your energy - and theirs.