Do You REALLY Know What's in That Cup?

When you see someone drinking an iced cafe latte, it's hard to know if it has a syrup shot in it, or an extra espresso shot, or even the type of milk used. The best way to know what's in that cup, if you really want to know, is to ask the person drinking it.

Optics. Not just something you hear at your annual eye exam. If you work in a corporate environment, you likely hear this word often. Generally, it's a word meant to describe how people might perceive a business decision or policy to a specific group of people - whether it's coworkers and colleagues, or your customers.

The problem with "optics" is; what you see is never really what you get. It's perception. You could assume the person drinking the iced latte is using almond milk, but you don't really know unless you ask. Is everything you read on social media true? I really hope you don't think so. People share their highlights reel, creating their own personas and brands both personally and professionally and it's up to you to determine what to think and believe. It is with critical importance that when you do, you must know you're 1000% not getting the whole picture or story. You couldn't possibly in short quips and captions. Even when you think people are pouring their inner most thoughts out, it's still only what they want the world to see, and humans are complicated beings. More than that, anything we perceive and read is filtered by our own biases, our own experiences, knowledge, and assumptions. Perception is not reality.

When leaders pay more attention to optics than authentically leading with transparency and trust, you breed a culture of playing into "Why do they or why don't they..." with their colleagues. It creates an immature culture of whining and worry about other people. If you're more focused on what other people are doing, or not doing, you're not spending your energy improving yourself or your team. You shift focus from what's in your control to other people's behavior and what you THINK they are or are not doing, and what you think they're getting or not getting. You're keeping some virtual scorecard and making other people's actions all about you. What kills me is when leaders play into this instead of coaching their teams to not worry about what other people are doing and that other people's behavior and decisions are literally none of our business - even when you're on the same team - leaders should coach and provide feedback to people individually.

Hey, I'm not perfect. I have definitely felt many times throughout my career frustrated and overlooked when other people get a promotion I don't believe deserve it, or feel leaders favor others over me despite how hard I believe I work. I am human, and I have human feelings, so when this happens I intentionally try my best to snap back into "what would a good leader do." Leaders favor integrity over optics, and take the higher road of continuing to work diligently, and not contribute to the junior high mindset. Instead, leaders know truth and hard work always wins out in the end. My energy is best focused on the only thing I can control: me. The example I set, and my reactions to other's actions is all I have control over.

But what about equity? You might ask. Equity means everyone is treated fairly. Well, sorry not sorry to tell you that equity is only true in leadership when it comes to creating an inclusive environment. Fostering an inclusive culture and business opportunities are not the same thing. Leaders absolutely should create an environment where everyone feels they have an equal opportunity to share their opinions, bring their own authentic ideas to the table, and never feel discriminated against for their beliefs or who they are, as long as they equally respect others for the same. This doesn't mean you have to agree with what they think or believe, but everyone should be respected for their freedom to have their own opinions and beliefs. This is completely different from giving people equal opportunities in the workplace, because business opportunities, however you want to define this - whether it's promotions, special projects, business travel, or other business-related opportunities - these will never, nor could they ever, be equal across all employees. They should be provided based on performance, talent to task, role and function. Leaders can't give into the emotional whining of "but why do they get this or that..." but instead should make business decisions based on what the business, team, and customers need, performance of individuals and stand by their decision no matter who wants to question. When someone does question a decision, focus your team member on what they can do to enhance their performance, help them grow, and to not worry about what the other kids in the proverbial sandbox get or don't get.

Allowing assumptions and stereotypes to cloud our judgment is not the leadership example we should be demonstrating. When asked about someone's actions, ask the person, "How do you know that to be true? Do you think that's a fair assessment based on only what you think you see?" and of course always encourage them, if it makes sense with the situation, go ask the person to learn more information. Have a conversation, don't live in your assumptions.

Leaders need to set an example and help others not go down the spiral of comparison culture feeling the green coffee bean of bitter envy. So, the next time optics within your organization become a question, remember that you don't know the whole story. Everyone should get a cup of coffee, but the type of milk, brew, whip and toppings will all be different and that's OK.