Do You Do People's Thinking For Them?

I had a dilemma. 

A friend and I were flying into Washington DC for a few days for our annual get-together. We were wrapping our visit around a film festival and had planned day trips in the area, which used to be our hometown.

A potential client found out I would be in DC and contacted my office to ask if we could work together in person for a half day while I was in town.

What to do? What to do?

I didn’t want to break my promise to my friend. This was supposed to be “our time” and I didn’t want to offend her or cause her to conclude I didn’t value our friendship.

I went back and forth in my mind, and had almost decided to say no to the client because I didn’t want my friend to think, “I flew all the way here and then you make other plans?”

Then, in a BAOTO (Blinding Attack of the Obvious), I decided to ASK MY FRIEND what she thought.

I called, explained the situation and asked, “Would you want to take the car and go exploring while I’m in my consult, or would you rather I honor our time together? What do you prefer?”

She didn’t even hesitate, “I prefer you earn some money so we can keep doing these trips together.”

Boom.  Situation solved. And a decision that was a win for all involved.

Why do I do people’s thinking for them?? Is it a habit? Does it help or hurt?

Do you ever find yourself doing this?  Do you read people's mind?

When you’re faced with a challenge, do you work out all the options in your head and make a decision without even involving those who will be affected by it?

Pema Chodron says, “Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.”

I want to learn this lesson.

I am clear that instead of going through all the pro’s and con’s myself, it’s better to TALK to the person (people?) involved and get their input instead of figuring it out on my own.

I am clear that next time I’m trying to decide what to do, I will reach out to the people impacted by that decision and ask for their input rather than making assumptions on their behalf. They may have options that didn’t occur to me. They may express feelings I wasn't aware of. They may have a perspective that changes everything.

Whatever happens, asking for input will result in a more informed course of action.

And the people involved will be a lot happier with the decision because it’s being done BY them and not TO them.  

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Sam Horn, CEO of the Intrigue Agency and TEDx speaker - is on a mission to help people create quality communications that add value for all involved. Her books - Tongue Fu!, IDEApreneur, POP! and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? - have been featured in NY Times, Forbes, on NPR and taught to Boeing, Intel, Cisco, Nationwide.