Do you need to take a mid-life break? Here's my story...

If you're in my inner circle you know that I have taken a self-imposed hiatus and the incredible change that has happened in my life because of it. For those of you who are on the outside looking in, keep reading. I'll lift the hood for you below.

I left my own business, not a "job" and tried some new things, but primarily learned how to "be".?I spent so many years as a doer and being so driven I forgot what it was to spend a moment without an agenda.??

The wake-up for me was when I was asked by a marriage counselor to "try" something to help my marriage. At that moment, some deep-seated, success-driven, brainwashing kicked in and I became so upset I started to tear up. My response was something along the lines of, "I don't try I DO". My mind was flooded with catchphrases like, "Trying is for losers" or "Winners don't try, they do".?At the same time though, I was observing my reaction thinking how screwed up I must be.?

Something was wrong, and it took years to figure out exactly what, why, and how to fix it.

The short story is that I suffered for?a long while until I learned to let go and stop spending so much energy trying to be something that I really didn't want to be.

My closest friends will tell you that they have seen a big change for the better. I would say that the change has been so significant they?still have trouble wrapping their heads around it.

If you're not in my inner circle, you should understand that I have always been entrepreneurial and I am one of those cat-like businessmen who always seem to end up on their feet no matter what the situation is. I believe this is by luck as long as you understand that my definition of luck is where preparation meets opportunity.

I spent 2 full decades and 10's of thousands of dollars on success training and study. I actually read the books, listened to the audios, went to the seminars and bought, stuck with, and followed the coaching.

All of this stuff worked and works, but for me, I got lost somewhere along the way. This led to years of charging forward into a persona and direction that moved me from my center which resulted in deep frustration, severe adrenal fatigue, and anxiety. I wasn't completely off track. I was very clear on my values and priorities. It was the execution and living it out where I was falling short.

Don't get me wrong, my life was freaking great during this time. I was making great money, going on great vacations and never working more than 35 hours a week. I had everything I wanted, but I just had this feeling that things could be better and that "more" wasn't the answer. Sound familiar at all?

I realized that my success training and drive had removed me from the present. I was trained to be 10 steps ahead and always assess the multiple scenarios that could happen as a result of any situation so I was mostly focused on the future which created anxiety. It's a great skill and very useful in business, but if you don't get a handle on it, you'll find yourself seeing minor setbacks as the first step toward total devastation.

For me, the past wasn't really an issue. I honestly believe that Tony Robbins helped me deal with that in a group exercise on releasing your most limiting belief. I'm talking curled up in a ball on the floor wailing a noise I had never made before or since in a room of 1000+ people. It was an incredible experience.

So how did I get started on my break?

The first big step that I took was closing my real estate brokerage and moving my license and business under another company. This was in December of 2014. This was a huge step in the right direction. I make it no secret that I think 95% of real estate agents are complete buffoons so having a business where I was responsible and liable for a group of them was probably not the best move on my part.

This move was the result of finding out from my naturopath almost a year previous that I was suffering from severe adrenal fatigue. My fight or flight switch was stuck in the "on" position and getting it to turn "off" takes years. By 2019 I was still not fully recovered. I'm not a doctor, but my assumption is that it's very similar to PTSD.

I planned to take 2015 off but I ended up trying to start another business because I thought that changing industries was the answer. NOPE! It just made things worse, so I just stopped.

I spent months just doing what I thought was nothing much at all. I was praying a lot, spending lots of time in the bible, going to therapy, acupuncture, my naturopath, and other self-care. I exercised a lot, mostly Crossfit, which I later figured out was just making things worse because it was increasing my cortisol levels which was the opposite of what I needed to be doing. Hopefully, you're seeing the problem. Don't do this.

I also read a daily devotional that was a great help. I'm not sure what the author was thinking when she wrote it, but what I got out of it was,"Let go". I remember one of the readings said to tear up my to-do list and just see what the day brings. I did it, and guess what? Everything worked out! The world didn't end and the things that I felt I needed to be proactive about worked themselves out.

I decided to take it to see if there was a limit to this effect. Almost 9 years later, I can say I haven't found the edge yet. Somehow things just seem to work out.

During all of this, I was, and still am, suffering from the adrenal fatigue and anxiety and dealing with all of the issues that come with the treatments. I spent a year or two, or more on the wrong medication until I took a DNA test that got me on the right one. I honestly think my life was in danger because of bad advice from my doctor and naturopath but I listened to my intuition and my body.

Re-learning how to "go with the flow" was hard. I thought I was pretty easygoing when I was younger but I honestly feel that I have mellowed past where I was as a kid.

I have learned, and now truly believe, that things happen for a reason, both good and bad and you have very little control over how these things go down.

In October of 2016 my mother, at 82, who took no medications, was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She did not do any chemo or radiation and chose to let things happen however they were going to happen. She was able to live on her own with hospice making home visits until mid-2017 when she became ill again. She went from getting herself up and going out to lunch with friends to being bedridden by 10 pm on the same day. Luckily, I was able to go to Boulder and take care of her with my sister. After months of sharing her care with my sister, a situation came up where we needed to move her to my home and I was to be her 24-7 caretaker. The hardest and best job I ever had.

If I hadn't taken my break when I did and started the work to get myself more present I couldn't have been there for my mom. I still had business and some other incredibly stressful things going on in my life, but I was still able to be present with Mom when it counted. The beginning was rough. I'm sure I handled it like most people would, selfishly thinking about how this was affecting my life and me rather than focusing on her. The change came with a brief conversation I had with myself during a brief moment of clarity.

"There is no job you've had or will ever have that is more important than taking care of your mother while she deals with this," is basically what I said to myself.

I realized that there was still more to let go of and that, in this moment, there is still great joy. Suddenly, it was an honor to change a diaper, fix a meal, or watch another episode of Rosanne or Reba for the 100th time. We were blessed with having the time to have all the conversations we may regret not having and be able to just be together and love and laugh. Her passing was peaceful and, although sad, a great experience.

The journey is still not over. My income isn't near what it was, but somehow life is still continuing for. I have returned to real estate but with a different attitude and approach and have been building my other businesses so I don't get bored.

According to my doctors, I'm close to the end of the adrenal fatigue. Being rid of that is just the beginning as I need to continue to be diligent with stress management, but it's a lot easier now that I have developed the skills to recognize and deal with it. For me, it's a healthy diet, meditation, yoga, and lots of time alone sitting in silence.

I still slip back into a "take over the world" mentality now and then but it's not long-lived as I have developed a healthy flakiness through this journey so walking away is much easier.

For those of you that want the bullet points of how to do this, even though there is no quick fix, here are some things I would recommend for you as next steps if you're considering taking a break yourself. They're not in order because they don't have to be.

• Learn how to breathe correctly and practice as much as possible. Laughing helps.
• Eat well. I went whole food plant-based and lost 20 pounds in about a month.
• Release control. If I remember correctly, we only have control of 7% of our lives.
• No goals besides Love, Happiness, Fun, and Joy
• Make sure your finances are in order and you have the discipline to live on less, if needed.
• Start to listen to your body and intuition.
• Journal like a fiend
• Learn to Meditate. There are tons of great apps like Insight Timer to help.
• Communicate with your inner circle about what you're doing.
• Go to your chosen health practitioner and get checked out. I would highly recommend having your adrenals checked. Most Western docs don't really believe in Adrenal Fatigue. Whatever they say, this could be a good indicator of progress which is motivating.
• Talk to a counselor or therapist and continue that relationship. Coaches can be effective for this, but be extremely careful. Like real estate, they are mostly clowns.
• If medications are recommended make sure you know they're the right ones for you. I took the Genesight DNA test to determine the right one for me.
• Take small steps. Don't do anything drastic or rash. Actually, keep things as close to normal as possible.
• Be patient. This break could take years and be prepared for some long, painful stretches.
• Be open. What you "think" is going on is probably wrong. I thought it was my industry. It wasn't. It was my attitude and narrow worldview.
• Make sure to get healthy sleep. I prefer a 9pm-5am sleeping schedule. I also take naps. My body likes 2pm as a great nap time and I've learned a lot of others do too. Sleep whenever you're tired.
• If you need a to-do list, make it no more than 3 items. Delegate everything else, let someone else do it, or learn how to procrastinate again. " F it!"
• Stop all toxic relationships. Work things out with your family because they love you and your issues with them are probably just projections of your own issues/wounds.
• Low information diet. In the early stages especially, you need to be alone with your thoughts. No seminars, news, social media, non-fiction books, or anything that introduces other people's ideas. Fiction and mindless TV for entertainment is fine.
• Get comfortable being alone and quiet.
• Don't feel guilty about self-care. It's not selfish if it makes you a better person.
• Don't get caught up in Altruism. Learn how to be kind to those around you before trying to save the world.

That's my break. I'm happier, more joyful, fatter, and well rested. It's not perfect, but it's worlds away from where I was before. Feel free to reach out if you need direction or guidance.

Blessings.

#makechange?#whatissuccess #joyfulliving