DO YOU NEED TO DO A DATING DETOX?

I’ve just completed a juice fast and detox cleanse.

While I eat mostly fruit and vegetables, once or twice a year, it’s still really good to do a tuneup. But it was difficult when I first started–I’m a self-proclaimed foodie–even with support from my amazing mentor, Rosanne Calabrese, who wrote the book, C.U.R.E. Cultivating Unlimited Rejuvenating Energy.

For the first few days, my mind obsessed on the gourmet items I love, like cashew cream, homemade vegan pizza, and plant-based eggplant parm. I missed them so much.

Then, I fretted about Shabbat, which Michael and I typically celebrate with a homemade feast. What about the Saturday night wedding we would be attending? Why–oh, why–did I not start this on a Sunday night, so I could do it during the week? What about my morning a?ai-berry smoothie?

I kept telling myself, you’re not hungry, you’re filled with juice! Don’t you want to see clearer skin? Don’t you want that annoying rash to go away? Wouldn’t it be nice to experience more energy, a flatter stomach, and sounder sleep?

Yes, please.

I believe that when we stop and examine our auto-pilot ways of thinking and behaving, it’s possible to experience amazing breakthroughs. And on the other side of those breakthroughs, is the opportunity to life the life of your dreams.

This is so true with dating.

Just last week, after a Breakthrough to Love session with me, a 35-year-old woman said, “wow, I didn’t realize I was totally afraid of being in a relationship.”

And this week, Elana discovered how many old patterns she had held onto unwittingly, which she was totally ready to kiss goodbye, once and for all. “I’m not only saying good-bye to that ex, but I’m also letting go of trust issues that I didn’t realize I had, letting go of trying to be perfect. I’m choosing to see my relationship with my mother in a whole new way.”

Another woman told me that she’s been stuck on a man, one whom she’s never even met in person. Even though he’s caused her so much angst, she kept making excuses for him, insisting to herself that he’s really great. With my coaching, she’s closed the door on him and decided to focus on herself, her growth, her happiness, and what will help her find love.

In the process of meeting my husband, I, too, had to completely transform and change my view of myself. It was just like a cleanse. You have to get to the root of the problem; you have to unmask it. You have to face it, rather than fake it. If you don’t, you stay single.

These principled steps can make anything happen:

1. Set a goal. Every product, every accomplishment, begins with a goal. What you see you can create. My goal was to meet my person and I did. If you hear that little voice saying, I set a goal before, and it didn’t happen–well, that’s a blind spot. This is your fear speaking. Set the goal. It’s the first step.
2. Have a big why. I didn’t want to find myself in go-nowhere, mystery relationships, in which I didn’t feel like my best self. Say it, write it, believe it. Mine was to find my one who would love me as i am, share a vision of working together, and make a difference in a home filled with love. And nothing would keep me from making that happen.
3. Find the right mentor. I found a mentor who really shook me up and helped me see what I couldn’t see for myself, in spite of all my personal growth work. With the right mentor, you’ll get real results.
4. Be coachable with a beginner’s mindset. Keep in mind that it doesn’t matter how much work you’ve done on yourself in the past, nor how many things you’ve tried. With a beginner’s mindset, you’re open to seeing yourself and the world in a whole new way. Plus, your mentor or coach will help you, because she or he will challenge you to learn new ways of seeing and being.
5. Make a plan. Just like in business, a real plan has trackable outcomes. A real plan is SMART–specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, time-limited. Record your plan in your calendar, journal, or phone, and hold yourself to its activities. I knew exactly what I had to do to find my one, and I was disciplined about it.
6. Set yourself up to win. Look, there was no way I was going to stick to the juice fast if the kitchen was stocked with the food I couldn’t eat. Vegan pizza? Out. Organic lemons and maple syrup for juicing? In. I set a schedule, and I was prepared. Following the same process, when I was determined and planful about finding The One, I set myself up to win, by having a support system of positive friends and cheerleaders, dating in an active, thoughtful way, and putting myself into situations where I would meet a man who was right for me.
7. Use images. Imagine waking up to a vision board filled with images of the future you want, the adventures you’ll have, and how you’ll feel. How about going to bed after writing some thoughts in a journal, using an uplifting mantra, arriving at work to a screensaver showing the kind of home you envision with your future beloved? During my journey, I used all different kinds of displays to support my vision of the husband I wanted. Once it happened, it was even better than I’d imagined.
8. Have a winning attitude. To make it happen, manage your mindset. Don’t allow yourself to think about the past and your regrets, and don’t revert to old behaviors! If you do start dwelling on the past or falling into old patterns, remind yourself of your humanity–that you’re a human being who did the very best you could with the tools you had. Everything that transpired was part of your journey and filled with valuable lessons. Now it’s time to let go. There’s nothing wrong. Then give yourself a big hug, and celebrate who you are, right this minute. Think about what you’re grateful for, and remember your vision for lifetime love.
9. Have boundaries. Often, when we’re making changes, elevating our thinking, and stretching, we encounter people who are not on-board, people who are negative, or skeptical. Being around them brings us down. When dating to find your one, close the door to negative people, ex-partners still in your life, and anyone else who brings you down. Put yourself in a bubble of support and positivity, while conducting yourself like the amazing, clear, marriage-minded person you are. Watch what happens.

Stay the course. There will be bumps in this road, because that’s how life works. Each time you hit one, review and recommit to steps 1-9, and know that you can do this. And you will.