Do you need a compliment hearing aid?

"Yeah, well, they seem pretty happy with my work," Sam told me. I inquired how she knew. "They tell me I'm doing a good job and stuff, but..." We delved a bit deeper and focused on what that looked like in various situations before circling back to Sam's initial dismissal of positive comments. It was quite an Aha! moment.?

Whether it's a commendation from a colleague, a compliment from a supervisor, or recognition for a job well done, many of us struggle to truly absorb and appreciate the good things said about us at work. This is called?"compliment deafness," where we totally overlook some recognition or diminish it.

Compliment deafness can have detrimental effects on our morale, motivation, and overall satisfaction in the workplace. Someone could be saying the most wonderful things about us, but it's like we've stuck our fingers in our ears and gone la la la la la. It's an amazing feat because we are also giving our boosters a very impolite signal with our fingers at the same time.?

So why do we fail to hear these positive affirmations, and what can we do to address this??Let's look at?three key reasons behind this phenomenon and practical solutions to overcome it.

Imposter Syndrome?

One of the primary reasons we may struggle to accept compliments at work is imposter syndrome. This psychological pattern convinces us that we are not as competent or talented as others perceive us to be, leading us to dismiss praise as insincere or undeserved. Despite evidence of our accomplishments, imposter syndrome causes us to doubt our abilities and attribute our success to luck or external factors alone.

To combat imposter syndrome and better receive compliments, it's essential to challenge negative self-talk and acknowledge our achievements with objectivity. Recording our successes and reminding ourselves of our capabilities can help counteract feelings of inadequacy. I have a file in my email with lovely messages from clients, colleagues, and readers that I can go through when the imposter is becoming burdensome.?

Fear of Vulnerability

Another reason we may struggle to hear compliments is our fear of vulnerability. Accepting praise requires us to be open to positive judgments from others, which can make us feel exposed and uncomfortable. We may worry that acknowledging our strengths will come across as boastful or arrogant, leading us to deflect compliments or downplay our achievements.

To overcome this fear, try?cultivating a mindset of humility and gratitude. Instead of dismissing compliments outright, respond with a simple "thank you" and allow yourself to internalise the positive feedback without feeling the need to justify or minimize it.

Cultural Norms and Gender Bias

Cultural norms and gender bias can also influence our ability to accept recognition at work. In some cultures, there may be a tendency to downplay individual achievements in favour of collective success, making it challenging to accept personal praise. Additionally, gender stereotypes can impact how compliments are perceived, with women often facing more scrutiny and scepticism when receiving accolades compared to their male counterparts.

Leaders, in particular, need to be sensitive to how they recognise individual achievements. Not everyone wants a big announcement or some reward in front of lots of other people. Where people seem to dismiss positive comments, you may need to start by finding gentle ways to reinforce your sincerity and appreciation (without being creepy). Then, over time, be more?open in?acknowledging achievements?and creating?opportunities for feedback and praise to be shared?inclusively.

I have always believed that the way you treat your employees is the way they will treat your customers, and that people flourish when they are praised. Sir Richard Branson

Overcoming compliment deafness requires self-awareness and a willingness to challenge ingrained beliefs and behaviours. So, looking out for opportunities to observe your reaction and thinking about what's behind our difficulty accepting compliments is a great start. Implementing practical strategies?to address these?can cultivate a more positive and supportive work environment where recognition and appreciation are valued and celebrated.

So, the next time someone praises?you?at work, turn up your compliment hearing aid, take a moment to pause, listen, and really allow yourself to hear the words of encouragement and affirmation.

Until next time,

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