You Need a Coach

 A Coach is not a Mentor. 

We all understand the role of a coach in sports. They encourage and instruct the players. They set the game plan. They smack you when you screw up. They kick dirt on the umpire's shoes. They throw chairs across the court.  

Sometimes the terms coach and mentor gets used interchangeable. A mentor and a coach are not the same thing. Yes a mentor is someone you look up to. Sometimes it is someone who adopts you without you choosing them. Often this is someone who is in your discipline, field of work, field of study. Someone who has blazed the trails before you and made all the mistakes and shares them with you so you don't have to make the same mistakes. You can trust them because they have no vested interest in your future. This is why a parent or a boss cannot be a true mentor. They have a vested interest in you. 

So what is the difference between mentors and coaches? The difference is that a mentor is usually looking at the overall game plan (strategical) while the coach is working on the technique (tactical). A mentor might say this is where you need to be. A coach says, I will work with you on this to get you there. 

 So, why a coach? 

The best thing about a coach is that you can pick the one you need for the needs you have. Heck, you can find a coach to help you determine your needs. So if you are like any normal human being with many needs, you will have many coaches. 

If I am through learning, I am through.  

John Wooden

I discovered this coaching thing late in my career. How I discovered it was when I realized that once you are middle aged you are way less likely to have a mentor. As you get into your 50s you often find yourself the oldest person in the room; you are the one with the most experience and everyone in the room is looking at you for guidance. If it is this valuable to me at 50, what could it have been for me when I was 30? 

 What I began to realize was while I was generally the most experienced person, others around me while younger, were more knowledgeable than me in specific areas. It is impossible to view ones self from a distance and using a mirror everything is backwards. 

 I needed the equivalent of drone surveillance. I needed someone to give me the higher view of me. They don't have to love me, they just need to drone me. They shouldn't have any vested interest in the outcome. They don't have to have a personal relationship with me. I do have to trust them by reputation yet I might not know much about them other than the specific challenge in which I want coaching. 

 What coaches do.

This "coaching" may be formal or informal. Some people I use as coaches don't know they are my coach. Often the conversation with them will start with me saying, “What was your impression of me in that meeting?” Or, “What would you do in this situation?” Or, “What do you know about this?” Or, “Have you ever dealt with this?”

 My coaches are in a position to witness me in action or they are available to listen to my story. They are capable and willing to give me good feedback when I ask them. Most coaches I use I use formally. We have meetings. Sometimes the meetings are impromptu, stand up meetings and very brief. More often they are scheduled dates on the calendar. Things are written down. There is an action item list. There are goals and timelines. A feedback loop is agreed to. 

 My coaches challenge me. They remind me to be accountable to myself. They keep me on the game plan.

 Here is one of my coaches stories. 

I use Mark as my networking coach. He is well known for his skills as a local networker. He is often at Chamber of Commerce meetings and other meetings and events that I attend. 

Recently I was attending a Chamber event where I thought I had done a good job of meeting new people and collecting business cards. I ran into Mark at this event and we chatted for a few seconds. After the event I headed back to my office, my cell phone buzzed. It was Mark. He said, “Hey buddy, how did you do today?” 

I said, "I got 4 business cards." 

Mark said, “Well, I got 15.” 

I said, "Wow." 

Then he said, “You could have gotten 15 too if you had not stood and talked to Greg for 20 minutes.” 

I stammered for an excuse. I said, "Well Greg had this question for me." 

Mark said, “You have known Greg how long? You could have said, Hey Greg let's meet for coffee tomorrow, I have got to cover this room before the event is over. Do you think Greg would have done that?”

 Of course Mark was right and I knew it. That's what a coach does. 

 Here are the two things I like most about coaches. They help shorten the learning curve and they keep you on the learning curve. This is less work for you. 

 When to get a coach:

• Do it when you suck at something.
• Do it when you are good at something and want to be better.
• Do it when you need to learn something new, fast.
• Do it to keep yourself honest, accountable and calibrated.
• Do it to show others and yourself that you can take criticism and advice in a safe way.
• Do it to network.
• Do it when you need to know what you need a coach for. Maybe this is the first coach you get.

Find someone who is great at what you want to be better at. Then ask them to be your coach. I have never been turned down by anyone I have asked. Set the parameters with them. Some might be formal, such as meeting once a month for a coffee-talk about progress. Keep a written action item list to keep you on track. Or it might be informal, for example, when we happen to get together at an after hours event. Then we compare mental notes or just dialogue. 

Ask your coaches to hold you accountable. When you don't keep your commitment to yourself your coach should be in such a position to call you on it, such as Mark did with me. 

Should you pay a coach?

Yes. It doesn't have to be money per se. It might be as simple as buying their lunch or a cocktail as you meet with them. Or you could offer up your expertise in exchange. Givers get. What is it you have to offer in exchange for this valuable coaching you are going to get? 

How long should I work with a coach?

It depends. I have worked with some coaches for just a session or two. For example, I needed to upgrade my social media skills. My friend Larry was just the person to help me. He came to my office and showed me some great things on Twitter and LinkedIn and Hootsuite. We met only twice. Being coached by Mark has been ongoing for three years now.  

 Keep track

I keep track of my coaches on my Mission, Purpose, and Values statement. Who I have used? What I have used them for? How did I improve? If you do this you will see how valuable the practice can be and how just a little thing can be such a big thing over time. 

 Of course at the end of the day, the coaches you use cannot reward or discipline you. That is all up to you. But I think you will find that once you put in the effort to build a good coaching system for yourself, you will be dedicated to making it work and keeping your commitments.