Do You Lack Emotional Intelligence?

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE is something most people have heard about - but not everyone knows whether they have it or not.

It can greatly impact your work life and career, but the irony is that the ones who most need to develop it, are usually those who least realise they need it.   

Qualities such as the ability to listen and communicate are important aspects of emotional intelligence, as are adaptability, self-management, the ability to work in teams, and leadership potential.

In a recent article in the Harvard Business Review, executive coach Muriel Maignan Wilkins says there is irrefutable evidence that emotional intelligence is the key difference between star performers, and the rest of the pack.

In her article, Maignan Wilkins outlines some of the main indicators that you definitely need to improve your emotional intelligence.

These include:

• When others don’t understand your point of view, it makes you impatient and frustrated
• You are surprised when others take your comments or jokes the wrong way, and you think they’re overreacting
• You think being liked at work is not important
• You are upfront with your assertions, and defend them vigorously
• You believe others should have the same high expectations as yourself
• You blame others for most of the problems that take place
• You find it irritating when others expect you to know how they feel.

If you identify yourself in some of these, Maignan Wilkins suggests four strategies to deal with the problem:

1. Get feedback

Self-awareness is a critical part of emotional intelligence. Solving your lack of emotional intelligence can be as simple as asking others what they observe about you, i.e. what you do and don’t do, in the workplace. Also, don’t make excuses for your behaviour - listen to what is said, understand it, and take responsibility for it.

2. Be aware of the gap between intent and impact

Those with weak or low emotional intelligence are often unaware of the negative impact their words and actions can have on others.

This is the gap between what they intend to say, and what others understand by it. 

As a result, it is important to think carefully about how your words may affect others, regardless of what you intended to mean.

3. Hit the pause button

When you are making emotionally intelligent decisions, you need to think carefully about your response to situations, rather than have a knee-jerk reaction.

This can be done in two ways:

• By pausing to listen to yourself and your reactions first. If you are getting impatient or frustrated in a discussion, you can determine how you respond - rather than relying on a default response such as lashing out or yelling.
• By pausing to listen to others. Listening helps others feel like you have understood them (even if you don’t agree with them). It is not the same as not saying anything, and gives others the chance to communicate their ideas before you express yours.

4. Put yourself in their shoes

By putting yourself in ‘the other person’s shoes’ you develop empathy - a key component of emotional intelligence. That way you will better understand the other person’s agenda (and yours) by seeing it from both sides and enabling a more balanced way forward.

It is possible that by adopting some or all of the above strategies in your day-to-day work life, both you and your organisation will benefit through better teamwork, increased job satisfaction, and greater productivity.