Do you know what people think of you?

So to know want people think about our personality, it actually depends upon us, on how we act in front of them, on what kind of ‘mask’ we wear in front of them. It depends on how much open we are to them, what kinds of things we share with them.

Does it matter?

What matters to me is what I think about myself. Thinking about what others think of you is an unnecessary task and out of your control. But, on the other hand, you can control what you think about yourself.

If there are some things you would like to change, you can change them. If you make mistakes by doing so, you will have no one to blame but yourself. Placing so much importance on someone else’s opinion of you is unfair to you and them.

I am fortunate that some of my friends and family members have shared their thoughts and have described me as: amazing, wonderful, kind, honest, trustworthy, smart, tough, hardworking, caring, thoughtful, funny, creative, generous, fair, and “someone they would want in their camp during the zombie apocalypse”. I am blushing just thinking of all this praise.

I know some of the people I have butted heads with in recent years have described me as: brutally honest, that I “care too much,” that I “feel that facts and logic matter more than people’s opinions” (Guilty as charged!), and that I can’t just ignore things.

I once read in a book that most of your character attributes as a person are a double edged sword. Things that make you brilliant in some situations and to some people, can be perceived negatively in other scenarios.

Being smart can sometimes come across as being a know-it-all. A spontaneous partner can be fun, but when you are tired and just want to stay home, you feel like a downer. Double edged swords. Be careful how hard you swing, you might just cut off your own arm.

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Thank you?...I think it depends on various factors.

First, let's start with me as I recognize I represent the entities in every personal interaction:

That side of me that I project to others - consistent with the belief as to who I believe I am,

Then there is my true nature

Then there is how others may view me. Now, those who know me well can tell that I am doing well when all three entities reconcile and are fairly consistent.

Now, let's talk about items… how others may view me: well, this depends on the following:

Depends upon the context of the interaction, be it a conflict or friendly discussion, or if you’re walking through a car dealership wanting to purchase a new car, being objectified as a possible sale,

Depends upon the other person and their general disposition and character,

Depends upon their personality,

Depends upon what objectivity or biases the person holds about my gender, age, race, weight, my wearing glasses, my general clothing choices and hygiene, my use or freedom from tattoos, my vocabulary and sentence structure, my manners or lack thereof, my emotional intelligence or lack thereof…

Depends upon how I'm projecting my feelings and my general disposition and how that may vary from the norm if I'm normally happy but am being impacted by a negative life event…

Depends on if we have a long standing cordial, close or distant or conflicted relationship or if we are strangers or something in between…

Yep, it all depends…

Do you want to add a word or two?....

Write a List of Things to Do – Then Go and do them.

People think about me that:

I am na?ve.

I am highly impatient.

I am too sentimental.

All these opinions from many of the people in my life are situation dependent.

What did I do about it?

I used to take every comment/statement about me to my heart. I used to overthink about it to the point I started self-doubting.

What do I do now?

I listen to the comments, decide whether to think about it or not.

If yes, I think about it, so that at the end, I will have some delta improvement in me.

If not, I don't give it a second thought.

Your comments?....

Firstly: I try as hard as I can to not care, as I have found that to do so is detrimental to personal growth for the following reasons:

You can’t ever know really what they think of you.

Even if they should tell you, that is a summing up and dilution of what they truly feel.

Even if the person describes in tedious detail, with utmost eloquence, exactly what they think of you there are the subtle distortions of linguistic biases, poorly defined language and regional dialects that will invariably create a different meaning than the intended one

It is rather likely that no one feels joy or hate the way you do, every ‘you’, so to use a word like that is to invoke in another something only similar to your intention.

Considering 1 thru 4, attempts to try and determine what others think of you only opens a window for your insecurities, desires, and inner demons to have a voice in the determination of your reality- a voice that you think is your own.

If the thing you are trying to imagine is as vague as “the opinion of other people” the devices you use are those that sum up experiences and observations and then determine an average. This results in something that is no one’s opinion of anyone.

Unless you are hypercompetitive there is very little to gain by knowing what others think of you- even if you were able to get that information…and if you ARE hypercompetitive, that is a larger issue that you should deal with before worry about the image you portray.

If you are a genius or an innovator who has yet to hit his/her stride or find your niche, concern with the opinion of others will drag you toward banality and make it less likely that you will ever self-realize. This is mostly due to the process of #6 causing a drift toward the middle insofar as behavior is concerned.

All in all, it is far better to live by one’s own ethics and serve one’s own vision of what one thinks is “good” and “right” and let your epitaph or history books be where the opinions of others are important.

Over the years you get to decipher the signals and understand the basics of subjective body language and thought. You also learn to ignore both the good and the bad. Good vibes only stroke the ego and bad vibes set you back. Both are not healthy.

All people have thoughts about others. Some take it seriously.

I have a focus to do writing, reading, talking openly and moving into my chosen careers. These things are more important in the pursuit of those careers. While I was a teacher I encountered mean comments, jealousy, a poor unbecoming attitude from fellow teachers and generally felt uncomfortable. Being highly qualified often made them cut me down to size- to their size. However, I struggled to ignore this meanness.

Worse still when senior management were afraid to handle my ambitions and drive to succeed I felt even worse. It’s only when I quit and went headlong into my my new career did I realize how miserable I was in that profession.

I struggled to contain my disappointment at being so misjudged.

Now that I’m free of those shackles i can get on with my own independent work. Being free has never been so happy. Incidentally, the teaching job was the only job I held as an employee.

Much of my life I was the employer. Never again will I work for someone.

Today People appreciate my insight and drive. They are open and honest. Together we can all move forward together. Its such a good feeling when we are all on the same team.

I know they think positively, happily and openly. Together we construct our dream to produce and direct movies. I am their leader and they believe me. Yet I don’t all that there is in directing movies.

Yes. I know what they think of me now. I am proud to feel wanted and fulfilled. This is my real life. I can’t wait to start work every morning.

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