Do you know how to reverse DARVO?

Introduction

Chances are, when you are confronted with DARVO for the first time, you will possibly fall foul of the manipulator. What I always say, even messing up the first time, you have a benchmark from which you can grow.

Here is the link to my initial newsletter on DARVO - (6) Post | LinkedIn

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Deceitful and manipulating working practices are more common than we would rather admit. While there are humans on the planet there will always be good people doing good deeds, but there will always be those who it seems, they and good deeds are at enmity with each other.?

Just a note, as pointed out and well observed by some contributors. Narcissists have their place oftentimes being good at making those critical decisions at those all important and tough times. To conclude this point, in this world of opposites you cannot have good without a darker aspect of life.

My principal concern is the damage narcissists can inflict on others, oftentimes, with little or no insight to what they have done.

Reversing life’s dilemmas

One of the things I have learnt, and continue to learn as a counsellor, is that we can be diagnosed with a condition and we can take it as the final word from a professional, but over the years I have asked the question, and posed to my clients, “is it? possible to reverse what you are experiencing?” In reality, there are many things we are unable to reverse, but sometimes just asking the question can help us think of other possibilities.?

An important note. In nearly forty years of being a counsellor, I have never suggested a person stop taking their medication. As you will know, there are serious consequences for any therapist or mental health practitioner doing so.?

I recall speaking to a client who was experiencing fibromyalgia, “is a long term condition that causes pain all over the body.”? For more information see here - Fibromyalgia - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

This person had struggled for a long time with the condition. Thinking how this syndrome was affecting the client’s entire being I wondered whether it was possible to reverse it. There are many things you cannot literally reverse, but was it possible to reduce the intensity of their pain? Sure enough, it was possible, with a combination of medication, lifestyle and dietary changes, and other therapies, minimising symptoms and pain relief was possible.?

When suggested to the client, who was eager to be rid of the illness, they made the changes immediately, and a few sessions later decided to end counselling saying they were not completely free of the symptoms, but was in a much better place.

Reversing DARVO. Is it possible?

You cannot reverse DAVRO, but you can protect yourself? As you will possibly conclude, to go into the depths and dynamics of DARVO in this newsletter is impossible, but what I suggest are simple strategies that can take the sting out of this manipulative and destructive?

method of dehumanising an employee.?

Dehumanising seems a harsh term to use, but when you consider that DARVO is a wilful attempt to discredit another human being to the point where they doubt their own sense of self and reality, such a term is appropriate.

The impact of DARVO is devastating. Ask those who have experienced it. When I hear of employees who have struggled with the effect of DAVRO for years after one episode, it is imperative you get yourself equipped.?

1. Educate yourself - Learning about DARVO and manipulation tactics, used by narcissistic personality types or not, will be helpful.?
2. DARVO is abuse - Learning about the strategies used by abusers is important. Doing so will help you to spot the signs of abuse before they have a stronghold in your life or in another person’s life if you are supporting someone having such an experience in their workplace.?
3. Learn about nonviolent communication NVC - is a way of communicating empathy in a conversation. The idea suggests that once people ‘hear’ one another, it might be easier to develop a way forward. However, if you? are dealing with someone who is a narcissist,? NVC is an attempt not to demonise them but to understand their frustrating behaviours.?
4. Seek a support network. As you can imagine once DARVO begins, it seldom diminishes. It escalates, but with acquired skills, you can learn to de-escalate the situation. Another reason why a support network/community is essential is that some? narcissists rally the support of others to “triangulate and mob you.” Those folks, co-opted by narcissist to work on you are referred to as “flying monkeys.” How to Handle the DARVO Method - Sentient Counselling
5. Document, document, document - Capture everything as it happens. You never know when you might need it.

Summarising.?

According to research by the Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment and Trauma, they contend that having knowledge about DARVO will result in additional inoculation against it.?

The words of Darren Magee sums it up best. “The best way to deal with the DARVO method is to first of all know what it is, how it works, what it relies on, and how to counter it appropriately. Follow these steps:

You stay safe,?

Don’t antagonise.?

Utilise every bit of support you can muster…?

Don’t engage with the attacks?

Avoid the role reversal.?

Stand your ground,?

Keep your integrity,?

Maintain your character?

Try to minimise the impact of other people’s opinions of you.?

It can be easier when you don’t have to go through it alone.

NB - YOUR KNOWLEDGE ABOUT DARVO IS YOUR SUPERPOWER

Wishing you well. Wanting and working towards the best for you.?

Delroy Hall

www.delwes.com

With over three decades experience working as a psychotherapist, trainer, facilitator, and as a local and? international leader, I am open to working with individuals, teams and organisations.