Do you know the difference between barriers and boundaries?

Why being inclusive doesn't mean you have to include everyone.

We know that better decisions are made when diverse voices contribute to the decision making process.?We know that people thrive when they feel safe.?We know it’s a basic human need to belong. We know that diverse and inclusive organisations out perform those filled with just one type of person.?BUT we need to remember that this doesn’t mean everyone should be included in every space. Being inclusive doesn't mean we have to include everyone. In fact being intentionally inclusive means we are mindful of who we chose not to include.

As a D&I scholar, researcher, consultant, educator and trainer I am interested in different perspectives. I want to understand different lived experiences. I am aware that I have my own biases and blindspots and I am not looking to spend my time with people who agree with me on everything - I have three children, so the chances of that ever happening are extreme! I want to spend my time with people who are open, who are ready to be inspired, who are themselves inspiring. I want to be challenged and I want to be shown a different way of doing something - this is where growth does from.?However, I choose my battles.

Should the incredibly unlikely situation ever arise that I am asked to spend time with Donald Trump, I would politely decline the opportunity.?Donald and I have absolutely nothing in common, but that is not the reason I would not want to spend time with him. I would happily spend time in a room with someone who has completely different opinions from me, who sees the world completely differently than I do, if I thought the other person was as open to hearing my perspective as I am to theirs.?We could both leave the room after an hour and still agree to disagree and that would have been time well spent, if we had used that time to respectfully and actively listen to one another. But spending time with someone who has no intention of listening - that my friend is never time well spent.?

I do not care about your status, your wealth, your power or your privilege. I care about your intention. Do you have an open mind and an open heart? Are you willing to listen to my truth as well as speaking your own? Are you willing to consider there will always be different perspectives?

A lot of people react to wokeness as being over sensitive - oh my goodness you can’t say anything anymore without someone being offended - so now you’re offended by the fact that I’m offended! I mean where do we go with this? There are comedians who’s jokes I find offensive - I choose not the listen to them.?There are companies who’s ways of working, who’s culture I find offensive - I choose not to work with them or buy from them. The way Donald Trump speaks about women and treats women, I personally find incredibly offensive - I would choose not to be in a room with him.?These are my choices, my boundaries.?

We cannot walk through life without boundaries. We cannot smash through other people's boundaries and expect there to be no consequences. Boundaries keep us safe, physically, mentally and emotionally. They are the line in the sand we chose not to cross. They are the parameters of our tolerance.

Many of the clients I have worked with over the years feel that adding diversity to their workforce will mean they have to 'lower the bar'. "Women don't play men's football so they can't possibly coach men...", "We want more female applicants to apply but we don't want to lower our expectations or standards, they have to be able to do the job..." Firstly that's just rude! It's gender bias 101! And simply the result of systemic cultural gender biases. But brushing that aside for a moment... let's just assume that you can actually define the 'bar' that you do not want to lower. A certain level of qualification, years of experience, the ability to pass defined assessments etc, these would all form bricks in your barrier. And it's okay to say "you cannot work here if you do not have a level of qualification above X". It's okay to say "you have to speak this language to this level to work here." It's okay to say "you cannot coach children unless we run a thorough background check." It's okay to say "you need this specific coaching qualification to coach at this level."

Obviously there are legal ramifications that differ around the world regarding employment, and I am not diving into that here. What I want to make clear is that you need to be clear about your boundaries. Clear is kind. Be intentional about each and every brick you place in your boundary. You cannot pass this point unless.........because.......

Remember being intentionally inclusive does not mean we have to include everyone. We need to intentionally set clear boundaries and be mindful about who we invite into a space because boundaries keep us physically, mentally and emotionally safe.

Having said that....

There is a difference between boundaries and barriers. If a boundary is the line in the sand you intentionally set, a barrier is a boulder that stands between you and that line. A barrier is something that stops you moving forward. Let's use the example of education to show the difference between a boundary and a barrier.

Early I said that your 'bar' may include certain educational qualifications, "in order to become a lawyer you must have a law degree." This is a clear boundary. However, only accepting candidates from Ivy League Schools is a barrier.

We have come to equate achieving a level of education with a level of intelligence, but access to education is a privilege not everyone has and it is by no means a level playing field.?High school, college, university, masters, Phd… all these different levels of education all have numerous barriers to access beyond how intelligent someone is. Geographical location, socio-economic, gender, race, culture etc. Specifying a particular level of education is a filter that will enable you to select from those who have the privilege of accessing that level of education - this is not the same as saying it is a filter for intelligence.

Nine times out of ten barriers are a result of culture - the way we do things around here - they are systemic cultural issues, not issues with the individuals. Women are not missing from the C-suite because they are themselves missing skills, or expertise, they are missing because your pipeline has been built by one type of person, for one type of person. White, able bodied, cis gender, straight men, have to navigate far less barriers as they progress through the career pipeline than white, able bodied cis gender, straight women, who themselves have to navigate less barriers than women of colour or individuals from the LGBTQI+ community and so on. Whatever space you’re in, ask yourself who’s missing and then ask yourself why - the why is the barrier.

Let’s take a quick look at football / soccer.?On the women’s side of the game there has always been a lot of openly gay players but not on the men’s side of the game - openly gay men are missing from that space - why??Because men’s football / soccer has evolved with an excessive focus on winning, it has developed a culture that is synonymous with hegemonic masculinity,?meaning stereotypical masculine traits such as competitiveness, strength, and aggression are over-emphasised. This particular type of masculinity marginalises those that do not possess these specific desired masculine traits. The perceived stereotypical traits of a gay man, do not therefore fit within the narrow framework.?And it is the potential clash of stereotypes that prevents men’s football / soccer from being a safe place for openly gay players. This has absolutely nothing to do with the physical football / soccer skills of a straight or gay player and has everything to do with the socially constructed definition of a success football / soccer player.?If we want football / soccer to be a safe place for openly gay men, we have to break down the hegemony masculinity barrier.

Be clear and intentional about your boundaries and actively identify and remove your barriers.

Power and privilege enable many of us to knock down barriers we don’t even notice, to simply navigate around them painlessly meaning our path from A-B may feel effortless. BUT the path I walk is not the only path. It is the job of those of us with power and privilege to shine the light on the path others take, to highlight the barriers they face and to do everything we can to remove those barriers. ?Being an intentionally inclusive leader I know that I cannot win at business, I do not succeed because I made it to the top unscathed! Success in business for me is knowing that when I look around the room I’m not missing anyone, because I know I need everyone in the room to succeed.

Have a look around the space you’re in and ask yourself who is missing, then ask yourself why? The why is the barrier and your job is to remove that barrier - and that my friend is intentional inclusion.?

Thank you for taking the time to read this newsletter. If you've got this far I assume you enjoyed reading it, so why not hit subscribe so you don't miss out on the next intentional inclusion newsletter and check out those already posted if you haven't already done so. And please take a moment to leave a comment, let me know what resinated with you today. If you would like help clarifying your boundaries or identifying and removing your barriers, drop me a DM and we can have a chat.