Do you keep Self Sabotaging? This is WHY.

Do you keep self sabotaging? This one is for you!

Self sabotage is a myth in and of itself. Let me explain.?

Let’s say you want to make more money- but you keep supposedly “sabotaging” your efforts.??

You might come down with an intense migraine right before that important presentation, so you're thrown off your game and it doesn’t go the way you wished it did…right as you’re up for that promotion.

At first glance, this seems like a simple coincidence- but when you notice something like this happens each time you try to expand and advance in your career…?

You begin to wonder if it goes deeper.?

Enter… “self sabotage”- Mainstream Self Help’s answer to why you keep ruining your success.

You’ve already discovered this phenomenon because you’re self aware. You did the work of seeing what the heck is going on here, and this is what you came to.?

HOWEVER.?

You’re still not quite at the root of it…. And that’s exactly why it keeps happening.?

In the realm of self sabotage, typically people identify the ways in which this is showing up for them, and they default to doing the mindset work to “fix it”.?

But this is problematic for a few reasons.?

First, we would have to agree with the premise that we don’t want good things for ourselves. Why else would we “self sabotage”? The very term here implies that we are sabotaging our own success, happiness, money, health, etc.?

From the outside, that might seem accurate. But like I said, this isn’t the root of it, and this isn’t what’s going on, which is why you’re still dealing with it.

Secondly, mindset work isn’t the route that truly resolves this at its actual root, which means using mindset work is ineffective at best and results in internalized defeat, shame, confusion, disbelief, and moral wounding at its worst. More on that in a second.?

And thirdly, fixing “self sabotage” is not only targeting the wrong thing, but it implies that something is wrong with us and that things aren’t the way they should be (with our mindset, or our actions, or our ability to strive for success, among other things).?

So do you want to know the real problem??

We aren’t sabotaging ourselves because we don’t want success or good things for ourselves… instead we are living out patterns of emotional wounding that reside in our nervous system and come out to play as we try to expand in our success.?

A prime example of this is when someone tries to quit smoking. They want to quit smoking, they know the benefits of quitting smoking, and yet… day in and day out they continue to smoke.?

Is it because they don’t want to be healthy??

Is it because they only feel comfortable failing YET AGAIN and letting down their loved ones who had so much faith in them that “this time they could do it”??

NOPE.?

Of course they want to be healthier and want to make their loved ones proud of their good choices.?

What we mistakenly identify at the surface level as being “self sabotage” is actually a dysregulated nervous system that has years and years of past painful programming that sets into motion a cascade of stress hormones any time a trigger is present, and our GOOD CHOICE MAKING brain comes offline in those moments, hijacked by our stress response- leaving us to do a few things:?

First we can no longer be intentional- which means our plans for the “right action” (ie. not smoking, going for a walk, etc) go out the window.?

Secondly we seek out regulation in whatever means we can get it- which for a smoker, is lighting up that cigarette and taking that draggggg- instant relief for an overwhelmed system, firing off stress hormones.?

Several moments of relief followed by….

Feelings of shame and “I can’t do it” because we just reacted in the EXACT way we didn’t want.?

Is it self sabotage??

From the outside, it looks like we are sabotaging our efforts but when we dissect it and discover the magic of the nervous system…

We can see that it’s not sabotaging ourselves at all.?

When we think through EXPANSION… more happiness, more success, more goodness, MORE ABUNDANCE…

We must take into consideration the state of our nervous system AND the programs we have stored inside our mind and our body AND our ability to find regulation in the moments that challenge us.?

This is where we are let free to EXPAND:?

ONLY when we are able to build resilience, safety, and align the intention with our action.?

We are only able to align our intention and action TOGETHER for long term, sustainable, repeatable success if we build resilience within our nervous system and THAT is our starting point.?

Otherwise we are pushing and forcing our way to *the thing that we want* and that only lasts for a short time before we step back into those “self sabotaging” ways.?

Those “self sabotaging” actions are actually our attempt to get regulated, return to safety, and survive in the moment.?

Binge eating when you're trying to avoid sugar.

Arguing with your partner on the way to date night, when you were so focused on improving your communication.

Going back to that unsavory habit after you made a sweeping declaration that you were going to change your life.

From the outside it looks toxic.?

From the inside it is safe.?

Our nervous system’s DRIVE is to keep us safe, protected, and alive.??

What looks like sabotage is an aim to protect, and it’s rooted in past programming from emotional wounds we’ve stored across our lifetime (and especially from childhood).

Working on building resilience through our nervous system is what can allow us to uplevel, increase, and expand in all the ways that make us proud, happy, and fulfilled.?

Of course it’s not sunshine and rainbows, which is why the ability to regulate our system is so important.?

Which is why this is the very first thing we do together when I work with my clients!??

We follow a body-based process where we create safety within our nervous system so that we are able to have the “good decision making” part of our brain online- and this allows us to execute on our intention.?

We reduce the amount of dysregulation that we feel in our day to day, moment to moment, so that we widen our ability to expand more comfortably- meaning that we have less stress hormones firing off so we aren’t driven to find regulation by other means- we have it within ourselves already or can easily come back to it when our day throws us a curveball.?

And, as an incredibly important foundational step to the whole process- we know where we want to go and why. Our choices have meaning and our desires can come to fruition because we’ve mapped out where we want to go….

And we don’t have to FORCE ourselves by burning out or being overwhelmed. We are an active participant in bettering our lives with ease and flow- because we come back to our body and create that for ourselves.

The skills I teach my clients are somatically based but incredibly simple. You can do them anywhere, they only take a few seconds, and no one even knows you’re doing “self regulation”...which means they can be employed in a boardroom meeting or at the dinner table with your kids.?

In my program, we work together 1:1 to start unpacking triggers and behaviors that no longer serve the higher self you want to step into. Not only do you have an owner’s manual for your nervous system, but you also have a clear picture of the next level of your life and begin to embody that, authentically.??

Together we resolve past programming and emotional wounds at their core- so that we dissolve the reaction and triggers are so dampened they no longer throw you off your game.?

We get to dissolved trauma when we master our nervous system.

The missing piece for everyone I’ve worked with has always been getting to know their nervous system and the immense wisdom it has for us in the way it communicates to us through our triggers and behaviors.?

Within just one session, my clients leave with a foundational understanding on how to change their life in a sustainable way- over the long term, without a quick fix, so that the change sticks around and doesn't disappear when something doesn’t go to plan.?

My program investment is low 4 figures and clients who pay in full get a couple extra perks like voice messaging between sessions to stay on track.

If you’re interested, DM me letting me know and I’ll ask you a few questions to see if you qualify- and if you do, we can start as early as just a few days from now. If it’s not a good fit at this time, I’ll turn you back to one of my free trainings that will help you with where you’re currently at.