Do you have a work spouse?

Having a close friendship with a colleague, who is of the opposite sex at the office – also known as the “work spouse” - is not uncommon especially considering the number of hours spent at work sharing the stress, victories and challenges.?

The dynamics can easily change from platonic to romantic and workplace romances are not that uncommon yet can have devastating consequences if the individuals are in serious romantic relationships with someone else.

A survey found that 27% of workers are in a workplace romantic relationship, or have been in one before, with the majority of these relationship between peers, motivated by love.

Although the majority are comfortable with people having romantic relationships at work, 40% found it unprofessional.

The reasons behind workplace attraction

There are several psychological factors that contribute to the development of romantic feelings between colleagues:

• Proximity and time spent together. It’s tendency for people to form friendships or romantic relationships with those they spend time with often and the frequency of workplace interactions is conducive to close relationships readily forming. ?
• Similarity: Working in the same environment often means shared interests, goals, and values, which can enhance mutual attraction. Collaborating on common objectives creates a sense of unity and mutual respect, which can evolve into deeper feelings.

• Emotional support: Work environments often involve shared challenges, leading colleagues to provide emotional support to each other, which can strengthen personal bonds.
• Admiration of competence: Observing a colleague's skills and dedication can enhance their attractiveness.

READ: Love and mental health: the heart brain connection

Are platonic friendships real?

A common question in discussions about workplace relationships is whether true platonic friendships can exist outside of one's primary romantic relationship. The answer largely depends on the individuals involved and the boundaries set within their relationships.

Strong workplace friendships can provide emotional support and professional collaboration without compromising personal commitments, provided that both parties and their partners are comfortable with the dynamic.

Trust, mutual respect, and understanding are key in ensuring that such relationships remain appropriate and do not create conflicts in personal lives.

If you must hide it, it is most likely not platonic.

READ: Are you quietly quitting your relationships?

When married and the relationship is strained it’s easy to ‘fall hard’ for your colleague. They offer an escape and little to no conflict. The reality though is that your close friendship at work is not exposed to the stressors of everyday life because you are not sharing a life, you are sharing a job. You simply can’t compare the two relationships so don’t even start.

If you value your platonic work relationships and equally your personal romantic relationship, perhaps a good place to start is to stop calling each other your “work spouse”. ?The term refers to having someone at work with whom you have a bond that would resemble that of a married couple. But you are not married, are you? A colleague that you have a strong friendship with, is and should still just be called a friend.

Please see the red flags if you find that you are spending more time and attention nurturing your close work friendship instead of your committed personal relationship with your partner. Blaming your partner for being jealous or diminishing sneers from co-workers as to the nature of your office relationship, are danger zones that can end in a lot of emotional turmoil.

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How organisations can manage relationships at work

While many companies discourage romantic workplace relationships, there are several benefits from low maintenance, loyal relationships which boost job satisfaction, engagement and productivity.

However, these relationships also carry potential risks. Boundaries can blur, leading to emotional fatigue and complications if the relationship becomes too consuming or is misinterpreted by others. These relationships can also result in conflicts of interest, perceptions of favouritism, professionalism concerns, and the potential for retaliation – and even legal issues, especially if the relationship involves individuals at different hierarchical levels.

To maintain a professional environment, consider the following strategies:

• Establish clear policies: Organisations should develop and communicate policies regarding workplace relationships, outlining acceptable behaviour and disclosure requirements.
• Encourage transparency: Employees should be encouraged to disclose relationships, especially those involving supervisory roles, to prevent conflicts of interest.
• Provide training: Regular training sessions on professional boundaries and the implications of workplace romances can help employees navigate these situations appropriately.
• Be vigilant for signs of inappropriate relationships: Leaders should be vigilant for indicators that a workplace relationship may be crossing professional boundaries such as. Changes in behavior: Noticeable shifts in interaction patterns, such as excessive time spent together or secretive behaviours. Decline in productivity: If the relationship distracts from work responsibilities, it can lead to decreased performance. Impact on team dynamics: Other team members may feel uncomfortable or perceive favouritism, leading to tension within the group.

·?????? Nurture healthy, supportive, and appropriate relationships:

• Promote open communication: Encourage employees to discuss concerns and establish boundaries to prevent misunderstandings.
• Model professional behaviour: Leaders should exemplify appropriate interactions, setting a standard for the rest of the organisation.
• Facilitate team building: Organise activities that strengthen team cohesion and emphasise collective goals over individual relationships.

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Romance at work can become complex and problematic. Understand the unique dynamics of close workplace relationships and value them for what they are: support, encouragement and a way to get through difficult workdays. ?Find the balance between your personal and work relationships and your work day flourish and not to become the reason for emotional distress and complications.