We're Never LONELY As Long As We're PAYING ATTENTION

"Other people have analysis. I have Utah." - Robert Redford

Know what I've learned? Some of us crave alone-time. It is our "Utah."

Instead of feeling "lonely," private time can be a welcome contrast to public time - a welcome chance to be ourselves and truly connect with what wants to be seen and said.

This was one of the most important epiphanies from my Year by the Water.

Here's what I mean.

I was driving cross-country from the east coast to the west coast, listening to the Audible version of Gloria Steinem’s memoir, My Life on the Road.

I had always pictured Texas as hot, flat and barren.

But this was spring. Much to my surprise, everything was green, rolling and alive. I didn’t know what was around the next corner or over the next knoll.

All I knew was it would be something interesting I’d never seen before.

I was driving at golden hour – that blessed hour right before the sun goes down and the air shimmers with soft light. I came over a rise and THERE were golden fields, stretched out on all sides to the horizon. I gasped out loud at the sheer beauty of the scene, pulled over, and stepped outside. The only sound was a slight breeze through the leaves of a nearby tree.

I stood there, communing with my surroundings, completely immersed in that experience.

Are you familiar with Rumi's poem, "Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there."

This was that field.

It was an one of those unplanned moments of visceral joy that grabs you by the heart and fills you with gratitude.

I basked in that moment and imprinted it. I can still see it in my mind’s eye and re-experience it in my soul as if it happened today.

I got back in the car and continued driving while listening to Gloria share stories from her life. She quoted Virginia Woolf's, “Every woman needs a room of her own.”

I laughed out loud as I realized, “I have a ROAD of my own.”

To me, an open road means freedom, autonomy, opportunity and independence.

All of which are essential to a life that feels right.

I stopped at a steak house that night for dinner. (When in Texas ...:-)

The waiter asked where I was from, and I told him about my travels. He was intrigued and asked where I’d been that day. I told him about my experience with the golden fields.

He said, somewhat incredulous, “You’re doing this by yourself? Aren’t you lonely?"

I told him, “I’m never lonely as long as I pay attention.”

He persisted, “I wouldn’t want to travel across the country unless I had someone with me. It seems like it’d be kind of an empty experience with no one to share it with.”

I smiled because, to me, that experience wasn’t empty, it was alive.

I shared it with the tree, the fields, the sky, the earth.

There wasn’t an absence, there was a presence.

I told him, “We don't just connect with people. We can connect with a place, a moment, an insight. I’ve found that as long as I’m appreciating what I’m seeing, feeling, thinking and hearing, I’m never really by myself.”

I could tell he didn’t get what I was saying.

When I got back on the road, I thought, “Why is it I don’t feel bereft when I’m by myself?"

I think part of it is I feel connected to loved ones even when we’re not together.

Our connection transcends time and distance.

My friends and family are with me … even when they’re not with me.

And the fact is, I enjoy being with people and I enjoy not being with people.

I am what's called an ambivert.

Being around smart, interesting people energizes me.

Exploring new places on my own energizes me.

To me solitude and socialization are not an either-or, they're the two sides of the coin of contentment. To me, a balance of private time and public time is ideal.

I need time and space to “mull and muse." To reflect on what I’ve seen and heard. To roll ideas around in my head. To savor insights like you would a ripe piece of fruit. To look at experiences from all angles. To connect dots in new ways.

Do you know someone who was also an ambivert? Abraham Lincoln.

Entrepreneurs Organization hired me several years ago to train their International Board in public speaking. As a special treat, they arranged for a private group dinner at Lincoln's Cottage in DC following our day-long training.

I got there an hour before the others arrived. The first thing I noticed as I walked in was how “spare” the cottage was. Each room had only a few items. A desk. A chair. A table. A lamp.

It was as if the walls were whispering, “Space to think. Space to think.”

I instantly got it. This was where Lincoln came to be alone with his thoughts. Where he escaped the pressures of his job and found much-needed solitude to reflect upon our history and create a visionary document that changed the course of our nation.

I don’t imagine Lincoln felt “lonely” while writing that magnum opus.

I imagine his visionary mind and soul were on fire. I imagine he welcomed the opportunity to immerse himself in creating this masterwork without distractions.

I had a great life before I launched my Year by the Water. However, like many people, I was going, going, going. There weren’t many opportunities to be alone with my thoughts, much less to reflect on them or write about them. I now have that time, and I am better for it.

Do you have "space to think?" Do you have a "Utah" where you can dig deep – without interruption – and envision new ideas, original insights, innovative break-throughs?

If so, good for you. If not, carve out time and space for creative solitude.

Let family and friends know it's not that you don't value them or want to be with them; it's that you also enjoy the contrast of solitude so you can honor your contemplative side.

Here are a few quotes about the importance of creating time and space "just for you." I hope they catalyze a conversation with yourself - and with friends and family – about why it's not selfish to crave a room (or a road) of your own, it's the key to supporting your creativity.

10 Thought-Provoking Quotes About Reconnecting with the Field

1. “The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we’re alone.” – Mitch Albom

2. ”We need society, and we need solitude, as we need summer and winter, day and night, exercise and rest.” – Phillip G. Hamerton

3. "To go out with the setting sun on an empty beach is to truly embrace your solitude.” – Jeanne Moreau

4. ”The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude.” – Aldous Huxley

5. ”It is only in solitude that I ever find my own core.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

6. ”When you acknowledge the integrity of solitude, and settle into its mystery, your relationships with others take on a new warmth, adventure and wonder.” – John O’Donahue

7. ”Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.” – Barbara de Angelis

8. ”To pay attention. That is our endless and proper work." - Mary Oliver

9. “Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone; solitude expresses the glory of being alone.” – Paul Tillich

10. "The dedicated life is the life worth living." - Annie Dillard

So, I ask again. Where is your Utah?

When will you get yourself there and reconnect with the field?

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This is an excerpt from SOMEDAY is Not a Day in the Week, which has been featured on TED.com and HBR. Want more insights? Check out Sam's YouTube channel.