But do you have someone to feed your cat?

We have a dog. He is part of our family. He sleeps on the beds and sits on the couches. Pretty much has a royal life. But he cannot be left alone for long or starts looking for things to destroy. I came home to bite-sized pieces of a laptop bag the other day – you can imagine how impressed I was. Now and again we get to go away with my parents for a weekend and then we need to find someone to pet/house-sit. Usually, when we need to leave him for extended periods we take him to my parents – they spoil him rotten and they love it. But on these occasions, it has to be someone else.

I recently listened to a podcast where the interviewee mentioned how we have become super connected. She said, “We are so super connected yet we have no one to feed our cats”.

I am privileged to have a support system to rely on. Yet it still got me thinking about how disconnected we have become from people, emotions, and even experiences – because we are overly connected to our phones and social media. This reflection intensified when my daughter walked around with a “cellphone” made of Lego blocks, imitating someone (probably me or my husband) on the phone. I started noticing how often we miss bids for connection with an actual person in favour of scrolling through emails or social media on our phones. Bids for connection are any attempt from one person to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection. Bids show up in simple ways: a smile or wink, and more complex ways, like a request for advice or help (The Gottman Institute). Do yourself a favour and watch how many people are on their phones waiting in line at the store or even walking next to the road, not making eye contact or connections.

We let our phones eat first and experience a moment first. Phones have become extensions of ourselves, perhaps even a form of armour to distance ourselves from actual experiences. You've heard it said: "If it is not on social media, did it even happen?" Has the value of our experiences been limited by our ability to post our experiences on these platforms? Has our ability to connect become limited to how someone responds to a text message or reacts to a social media post? Have we forgotten how to start conversations, flirt, and emotionally connect?

Disclaimer: This is not me bashing technology, social media, cell phones or AI. All these things are wonderful tools that have helped us limit the distance between us. But I am questioning how responsibly we are using it.

Here are some thoughts on how I would like to bring more connection into my world:

1. Bring back the deck of cards: I am going to invest in board games. The next time I have people over I am going to suggest we play a game together. These immersive experiences are invaluable in helping us remain present and engaged. I know of families who have Friday night board game evenings. They sound fantastic.

2. Phone jail: – There have to be times when screens need to be put away – in phone jail. Dinner time is one of those times in our house. No phones at the table, and no TV either. We talk and connect. But there may be other times where this could be useful – for example when you are next to the sports field watching your child play a game.

3. Notice what you do when you feel vulnerable, stressed or overwhelmed: It is useful to notice what your go-to is when you feel this way. Is it to emerge yourself in other people’s highlight reels? Can you turn toward the person near you and strike up a conversation?

4. Savour the moment: Those who know me know I don’t make a habit of posting what I do, where I am or what I eat on social media. Not that I am saying there is anything wrong with this. But maybe we should try to savour the meal you have been served and experience the moment you have. Ask yourself: Why do I really feel the urge to post a photo about this? Is it because I believe it is the only way it has value, is it because I want people (most of whom I don’t have a real relationship with) to see it, or is it because it is a job requirement?

5. Play with your dog – Notice what is right there in your world. The actual world, not the digital one. Engage with that first – leave the digital one for later. Put a time limit on the time you spend immersing yourself in the digital realm.

I am aware that there are a lot of people who may feel very lonely and that it might feel that the only way to feel less so is to engage more with technology. I also know that there are people who need and want to share their experiences with loved ones who may be far away. I am not saying that you shouldn’t do this at all – I am just suggesting that you curate it and become more aware of how it may be affecting your ability to connect, empathize and build relationships with the people sitting right next to you!