Do you have the right people at your table?

Abundance is a word that is going around a lot recently. There’s an abundance of money, an abundance of love & joy, at times an abundance of the opposites of those things too. What we need to remember in these times though is that there is not an abundance of time. Time is our most finite resource in our lives, we only get so much of it which is why I am of the mindset of “why waste it” and encourage people to just have fun with it!?

The fact that time is our most finite resource means that we need to be careful with what we do with it, as well as who we spend it with. You need to choose who you spend time with wisely as the right people will lift you up, support your growth and feel good to be around. Whereas the wrong people will drag you down, discourage your growth and feel heavy to be around. Do you feel what I mean when I say heavy? Have you had an experience in your life with someone that has made you feel?heavy??

An example of this is in my own life at the start of this year. I had attended my first spiritual festival Resolution over New Years and was feeling on top of the world. It was an incredible 4-day event filled with open, light people who together created an environment of safety and fun. To say coming back into the “real world” was a culture shock was an understatement! Anyway, I got back and about a week later I went to a BBQ in the park with some friends. I felt so out of place, disconnected, and uncomfortable around them for the first time ever. It was the kind of feeling where you’re like “nooo feelings of safety and security where are you going come back?!” it was confusing to say the least. I came away from this BBQ feeling heavy, down, and unfulfilled from the days interactions. It was bizarre and I couldn’t understand it at the time.?

The very next day I had seen an event on Facebook putting the call out for people who want to grow and be supported by a community of like-minded people. I went, and it was amazing. I felt seen, heard and had full permission to be myself and express myself however I wanted to. These were the kinds of people you’d have found at the New Years festival I’d gone to. As I walked out the door to my car, I realised I felt?light?and happy! I was practically dancing to my car. To experience these feelings of heavy and light within 48 hours it became clear to me what these physical feelings were telling me.?

“You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” -Jim Rohn

I’m sure you’ve heard this expression before, it’s a very commonly used one and for good reason. In this video by The Art of Improvement, they say that the people you spend the most time with determine so much about your life, from what you talk about in the conversations you have through to exposure to certain attitudes and behaviours which you’ll absorb over time. It only makes sense, then, that we choose the people we spend time with very wisely.?

This is not only true in our personal life, but in our work life too. Say you want to get a promotion at work, increase your salary, and be an indispensable asset to the company. Would it benefit you more to spend time with people in positions below yours or would it benefit you to spend time with people in the position you want to be in. This doesn’t even need to be within the company you work for but simply by exposing yourself to the attitudes and behaviours of the people in your dream position you’ll be setting yourself up for success.

In fact, psychologist Dr David McClelland of Harvard says “the people you habitually associate with determine as much as 95% of your success of failure in life” so regardless of where you want to see an improvement, it is so important to pay attention to the people around you.?

Say you’re hosting a dinner party and only have 10 seats at your table for guests. You’ve put in a lot of effort to ensure the success of the dinner party, all that’s left is for your guests to show up and have a good time. So, your 10 guests show up, they bring delicious plates of food to contribute or perhaps a nice wine and sit down and engage in amazing conversation and the night flies by without a hitch! How wonderful. Now, say one of those guests shows up in a bad mood. They didn’t bring anything to contribute and they sit at the table and start criticising your cooking to the people around them. They make snarky comments about the state of your house and start to bring the people around them down. How do you think the dinner party will go now? Wouldn’t you have preferred they hadn’t of come and you’d have just had one seat empty??

If you hadn’t realised already, the dinner party is your life. When everything is going well in your life you might look around you and be happy with the company you keep. However, when things start to get hard or uncomfortable it’s important to look around and check if anyone around you shouldn’t be there as they’re making things worse. Then, do the uncomfortable thing of letting them know the party is over and they need to go home. This doesn’t have to be anything drastic or long term, as they might change their attitude later and be allowed to the next dinner party but it’s important for your own growth and success, to know when this is, if ever. There’s only a limited amount of space at that table and it’s better to have empty seats than the wrong people in them.

When you have the right people at your table of life, they align with your values and spending time with them feels good and fulfilling. They shouldn’t cause you to second guess yourself or feel the need to be someone else. They’ll help you on your journey to live by your values, increase your knowledge and take action to grow and you’ll want to do the same for them. Ultimately, leading towards that life of freedom and joy that you would love to have!?

I’m a life coach for women who’d like to free themselves from overthinking and enjoy the f*ck out of life – you can find out more about me here.?