Do You Have Permission?

You probably recognize that, in today’s work environment, AI and other tools notwithstanding, the amount of work and the pressure to finish it faster do not seem to be abating—quite the opposite. Throughout my corporate career, the ability to focus on the task at hand served me well as I tackled multiple priorities; it allowed me to jump from one thing to the next as I finished them. It felt as though I was in total flow, using every second, moving the needle.

But this is oftentimes an illusion—there’s always something burning (and often it is you who is expected to put out the fire), you get requests you didn’t see coming and cannot postpone, etc. So you’re always juggling something, in perpetual motion, moving, never sitting still. But this feeling of “getting stuff done,” of “flow,” often creates a false sense of security and progress.?

This constant busyness might give us a false sense of control, making us believe we are managing our responsibilities effectively. But when we encounter moments of calm—those precious few minutes between tasks—we often find ourselves feeling anxious instead of relaxed. We may feel guilty for not “doing” something or fall into a cycle of overthinking and feeling unfocused, wondering what we should be accomplishing in that moment. This anxiety about inactivity can keep us trapped in a vicious cycle where we fill our time with busywork instead of allowing ourselves to rest and recharge.

Being transparent: Very recently, I felt like I was struggling with focus.

In the corporate world, regardless of culture, language, country, or age, we learn to dread immobility. Eventually, this leads to exhaustion and demands that we engage in periods of dedicated, intensive periods of “nothingness” (a.k.a., vacations). But often, even in the middle of them, we oftentimes cannot resist the urge to pull out the cell phone, the laptop, or any other window through which we can “keep an eye on things, just in case.”

Addiction to Stress? (Quite Likely).?

There is no way to avoid stress. It is as inevitable as “death and taxes” (borrowing a line from “Meet Joe Black”). We all have felt it and complained about it.?

Have you seen anybody who consciously or unconsciously seeks out stressful situations (even while complaining about them)? Maybe even in the mirror??

We have been conditioned to equate busyness with productivity, so we strive, wittingly or not, to fill every available moment with activity.

You know the signs: the impossibility to leave those devices alone, always feeling rushed, deliberately taking on additional burdens to avoid dealing with other problems, the inability to rest and relax, and the nagging sense of guilt if you manage (or if your better half, family, or friends force you) to take time off. Not to mention that feeling that you can never let your guard down. or find more comfort in drama than you do in contentment

According to the American Institute of Stress, in the U.S., about 80% of workers say they experience stress on the job, and a 2020 study by the American Psychological Association found that 49% of all U.S. adults (49%) report negative effects of stress on their behavior.?

In most corporate environments, it is a bitter taste you need to at least develop some immunity to, or even become addicted to.?

Some people actually seek it. They claim that “pressure makes diamonds” and that they thrive under it. In some places, that stress-induced fatigue is sometimes a badge of honor that identifies a “warrior” who just won’t give up.?

So Today’s Piece Is About Stress?

Nope. It’s related, but not about it. If you’ve been with me since I started this newsletter, you might have seen a shift in emphasis from more tactical problem-solving, “things to do,” towards “ways to be” in the presence of many of the situations we inevitably will run into in life. So my aim is not to delve into the super important topic of stress or what good practices to manage it could be. Rather, I believe a closer look at the interstitial glens of inactivity and how we choose to be with them, how we behave in its absence.

Picture This

Sitting on a beach, cold beer in your hand. Sitting on some terrace, looking at the sunset with a glass of nice rosé wine. Reading a book, lying in a hammock. Playing with your kids or with your grandchildren, or rewatching that well-worn movie you love.?

These are activities that you build towards, plan, and explicitly budget time for:? “lakes” of rest, stillness that you deliberately use to recharge. But what happens when you don’t have a “lake” but a bunch of “puddles”? For example, if you are in meetings but between them you have a few minutes, sometimes even an hour, do you relax effectively or do you feel that all you can do is spin your wheels, looking for something to do to make the most of the downtime??

As I was growing in the corporate world, all the way to the C-Suite, I prided myself on always being focused on something. As mentioned above, now I see, frankly, that quite often this most likely was just an illusion of control.?

We have been conditioned to equate busyness with productivity, so we strive, wittingly or not, to fill every available moment with activity. Research shows that this constant state of doing can create an unhealthy relationship with stress.?

You see, Dear Reader, I decided to start my coaching business, become an entrepreneur, and become my own boss. I did not want to perpetually run on what increasingly felt like the proverbial hamster wheel. I wanted to gain more control over my time. And guess what? It largely happened.?

So imagine my surprise when I found empty spaces between coaching sessions with clients, business development calls, and other tasks, only to realize I was not ready! I felt like I was just spinning my wheels, frantically looking for things to do to fill the time.?

The Coaching Perspective

All of us—coaches included—can always benefit from an outside, uninvested, and objective view. So I thought that it would be illustrative as to what coaching is and does to share my very revealing and energizing session with my personal coach. I think it’s a good example of how coaches are effective not because they have all the answers but because they have all the questions.?

During our session, Coach Julie helped me realize, through powerful questions, that my plight stemmed from being in the exact situation I had been dreaming of for years and worked so hard to create. Yes, Dear Reader, you read that right. I was stressed because I found myself with some actual time in my hands.?

If you are in meetings but between them you have a few minutes, sometimes even an hour, do you relax effectively or do you feel that all you can do is spin your wheels, looking for something to do to make the most of the downtime?

Instead of opening my arms to embrace these moments of respite and grabbing a coffee with my wife, walking my dog, or taking a 20-minute break to at least get some leaves blown (they’re all over the place now, in the full swing of the fall) or some other enjoyable activity, I was desperately seeking the perpetual rush and the firehose of frantic activity I had gotten so used to and which I decided to walk away from! Talk about corporate hangover!

So the question for me became: why was not I giving myself permission to enjoy my new life? The truth is that, when you’re in this situation, with moments between meetings or fixed appointments, whatever is present in your day to day, there is very little you can do about these pauses. So, if it accomplishes exactly nothing, why do we punish and put ourselves through all that stress and guilt? How we deal with these respites is a choice.?

Here is my takeaway from the session, which I now treasure: I have to learn to be with these periods that I myself wanted to build, rejoice, and choose to enjoy them, and to see them as gems that I was seeking, spaces through which light and air can now flow into my daily life.??

The 600-carat diamond

The truth is, learning to embrace stillness and calm is a crucial skill for personal and professional growth. Moments of calm can provide clarity and allow us to reflect on our goals and priorities. Research from the field of positive psychology indicates that moments of mindfulness and reflection can enhance our well-being and resilience.?

I am enjoying an audiobook that I got after my coaching session. The author is Jon Kabat-Zinn (“Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness”). In his book, he describes how, when we learn to appreciate these moments, we begin to foster a healthier relationship with our time and ourselves.

“You cannot control the wind. But you can control the sails." ~Unknown

My conclusion is that we should be more self-aware and look for a little more mindfulness to clearly perceive and observe our own thoughts and feelings without judgment, create space for self-compassion and self-acceptance, and intentionally give ourselves permission to “take it” and embrace the good those moments can do for us.?

Maybe a short meditation. Perhaps a few seconds of deep-breathing exercises. The point is that the effort of developing our ability to detect when we are slipping into the trap of busyness is worth it because it empowers us to redirect our focus to what truly matters.

Interested in Coaching?

Coaching is not to “solve problems." It’s not about what you “do"—it’s about who you become in the process of living.?

You could chew on some of the following questions to uncover the underlying beliefs and patterns that might be keeping you stuck in that pernicious cycle of busyness.

• When was the last time you allowed yourself to simply "be" without the pressure to do anything?
• How do you feel in those moments of calm? Is there discomfort, or do you find a sense of peace?
• What activities or practices can you incorporate into your routine to create more moments of stillness?

Let’s schedule a complimentary coaching session !?

I look forward to connecting! You have nothing to lose—there’s no obligation for us to work further, and you will get a few steps closer to more clarity either way.?

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