Do You Have Influence?

Do you consider yourself influential? If you’re like me, you probably think of politicians, actors, CEOs, or some other person in a position of power when you think of that word. But influence is something we all have. It shows up in all our relationships. Because at one time or another we’re sharing our story, our take on something, our assessment. Or someone is looking to us for guidance or feedback. All of this is part of influence. Through our interactions, we have the capacity to have an effect on others – whether intentionally or not. So, are we having the effect we want?

Now, influence sometimes gets a bad rap because it gets associated with manipulation. Yes, it can be used for less than noble purposes, but to discount it all together because of this, is a miss. Why and how we choose to influence determines the outcome. Because what matters most when it comes to our capacity to affect others is how we make them feel. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” This famous statement underscores the message that we all have the power to effect change and what’s most important in effecting that change is how we make others feel.

On this episode of the podcast, we’ll look at the “how”. Only because it’s most visible and easy to identify. Not because it is more important than the “why”. Here’s the interesting part – when you become aware of your “how” and its impact, it will help you get more curious about your “why”.

We all have different approaches to our influence. Some of us may be highly social in our interactions, optimistic, enthusiastic in how we share our point of view. Others of us may be more reflective in our approach, choosing to take in what the other is sharing and then present a logical reason for our assessment of the situation. Still others may be somewhere in between. All these approaches hold weight depending on how the other person is left feeling. If they walked away feeling understood, valued, and in control, then that interaction, your influence and effect on them was empowering. If they walked away feeling manipulated and not heard, then you are still influencing, but, no matter how magnetic or intelligent you may have been, there will be no meaningful change.

How do you make people feel? Do they leave feeling understood, valued, and in control after spending time with you? Whatever area of leadership or relationship management you’re in, these are questions worth asking and answering. And don’t get hung up if your approach to influence doesn’t match up with someone else’s. Certainly, all of history, including your own personal history, has shown that those who effected change were loud and soft-spoken; there were those who were articulate and people of few words; energetic ones and reflective ones; intuitive and great thinkers. Diverse in approach. United in their effect on those around them and the greater cause. You, like them, have influence.

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This article is a transcription of Episode 7 of my podcast Relational Introvert. For those who prefer to read, this is for you! If you’re more auditory, then check out my podcast each Mon. Access new and previous episodes here… feel free to share, like, comment:

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