Are you a good listener?

I have been working in HR for more than 15 years in different companies from different markets. During this time, I saw the same thing happening: HR is seen as a toolbox that should have an answer for everything. Moreover, the peculiar part is that it is not only how the employees and leaders perceive HR, it is how HR sees itself. Therefore, it is difficult to find an HR professional that is capable to listen, without trying to find a solution or without trying to reply.

However, most often, what our internal client wants is to be listened, to speak loud and share their dilemmas with someone that they trust. Leadership in many aspects is about “unpopular decisions” it is a lonely and very challenging role.

In this scenario, HR work should be balanced between being a partner, challenging, supporting and providing solutions. However, what I have heard is that HR very often takes shortcuts by pushing the problems back to the business very quickly without taking the time to have a balanced approach.

In my last article, “How do you build trust?”, I invited you to reflect about Trust and its importance in the relations we build. Following the same principle, I would like to discuss about other basic element: our listening capacity.

Hearing is involuntary, but listening is a choice. Listening is a skill that can be developed, and I would say, a very important one. To develop or improve it, you have to practice and exercise. It is like creating a new habit, and for it, you need repetition and consistency.

Alan Stein Jr., author of the book "Raise your game", explains active listening as “It’s listening to connect instead of listening to respond” and “It’s listening to learn instead of listening to reply”. Active listening is a technique used for coaching and counseling and it requires: focus, respect, openness, clarifying, engagement and acknowledgement.

In addition to this, remind yourself about these simple steps when meeting someone:

1.   Before the meeting:

-      Be conscious: empty your mind and prepare yourself for the talk.

2.   During the meeting:

- Be present: we have so many distractions that it is hard to keep our attention for a long time. Avoid looking to the mobile or laptop, the most important thing is what the person that is in front of you has to say.

- Be patient: don't try to anticipate or guess a person’s thought process. Do not jump into conclusions. Just listen.

- Be open: avoid the judgment model. Respect the differences. Practice empathy. Ask questions.

3.   After the meeting:

-      Be diligent: try to identify and recognize your own limitations and work to improve them.

“Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self.”

Dean Jackson