Do you have the courage to be honest?

The Big Idea

I recently read an leadership article in The Seattle Times "What amazing bosses do differently" and it got me to think about who was the best boss I ever had.  While it is difficult to chose a single person, a common theme certainly came to mind:  Amazing leaders have the courage and skill to give open and honest feedback.  No matter how difficult the discussion, they could deliver it in a meaningful way and help others recognize the need to change.

Crucial Conversations Are Not Easy

Feedback can be challenging; sometimes you have to give it to your employees, sometimes to a peer and other times to your boss.  Thinking about what works and what doesn't, I reached to leaders who are particularly effective at handling crucial conversations and they suggested the following key points:

The conversation before the conversation is crucial - Feedback is rarely received well from a stranger.  Meaningful feedback comes from a trusted adviser with a well established relationships.  Consider your relationship with someone before sharing your opinion.

"Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters"  Margaret Wheatley

Timing is everything - Sometimes a person is not ready for feedback.  In fact, sometimes you aren't ready give it.  Take great care to consider when you share and make sure you have all the facts and data needed.  It is better to wait and do it right than hurry and risk damaging a relationship.

Stick to the Facts - When sharing particularly sensitive feedback, start with the facts and gain common grounds.  Sometimes they may not be aware of the situation and sometimes you might know all of the facts surrounding it.  

Put yourself in their shoes - Think about how they will feel when they receive this feedback from you.  Consider what else they are dealing with.  Something you consider crucial may be far less for them.

"We all need feedback, that's how we improve" Bill Gates

Feedback at best is advice - While the ultimate goal of feedback should be to help someone recognize their blind spots, it is up to them whether they choose to act on it, not you.  Even then, it might take some time before they accept or act on it.

Putting the Pen to the Paper

Feedback is unquestionably one of the most critical skills.  With thoughtful planning and effective delivery, constructive feedback can often help someone decide to change their course of direction or adjust their style.  If you want to improve your ability to deliver feedback, one of the best methods is to ask others to give you feedback.  Not only will you learn more about yourself, you will see how others deliver feedback.  In addition, those leaders will often ask you to reciprocate and provide them feedback, giving you a chance to practice.

Want to learn more about crucial conversations, I highly recommend viewing "Mastering the art of crucial conversations" by Joseph Grenny, coauthor of Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High." 

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In 2016 I will complete Ironman Chattanooga to help the kids at Easter Seals and I hope you will visit my web page and learn more about my journey and this great cause @ https://www.kidstherapyprogress.com/Volunteers/thejoyners