Do you have a client who is resisting your advice to start an Application in family court?
Stacey Mendelson
Coaching through High-Conflict Divorce at Lifeline Coaching and Consulting
It is common, and here's why:
Female clients often have fear about going to court. This fear derails them from taking the steps they need to divorce a high-conflict ex.
The fear of going to court is caused by a whole lot of noise in their brain that may come out as:
Your client wants a fair settlement and a child-focused parenting plan but she is too afraid to do what is needed to make that happen. She is afraid to take your legal advice and use judicial intervention.
Until you can clean up the noise in her brain, you will have trouble getting the instructions you need to move her matter forward and your interactions may be frustrating.
How can we help her?
First, recognize where this noise may be coming from:
Next, recognize that in her mind the following ideas may be true:
You need to shift her thoughts. Or refer her to me, because this is my day job. These flawed thoughts can be shifted with coaching. She needs to be shown what is true and how the world actually operates. Only then will the fear of going to court abate.
领英推荐
Peace is not the ultimate goal
If she thinks she wants peace above all, she is simply misinformed. Your client wants what is best for her children more than peace. Ideally, she wants both but if she had to choose, the children would win every time.
She also wants fairness for 2 reasons:
Not going to court will cost her more
If she thinks avoiding court while divorcing a vicious ex will save her money she is again misinformed. We need to help her. We need to show her how every day unsettled is like lighting 100-dollar bills on fire. She is not cognisant of the fact that her ex is collecting interest on the marital assets while she is waiting in the hope that s/he becomes reasonable.
She needs to be disabused of the notion that avoiding judicial intervention is cheaper. She needs to be shown that sometimes having a successful divorce requires the willingness to go to war. This is very counterintuitive for her. We need to show her that the mere willingness to go to war is the exact energy that will keep her off the battlefield.
Sometimes the best way to avoid court is to march to court
Your client has no idea that settling with a narcissistic ex requires judicial pressure. Once she understands this she will want to go to court.
That was my experience when my senior family law lawyer told me: The best thing for you to do is to march straight to trial as quickly as possible. And guess how that ended? Not with a trial. With a successful negotiation. I will be forever grateful for that one statement that shifted my errant thoughts and expedited my divorce.
Your client is spinning is a bunch of brain drama that needs to be debunked. Send her over to my Lifeline Sorority for some brain rehab. Watch the ideal client emerge.
Inner Freedom Therapy uses hypnotherapy and life coaching for fast, effective results. Clients get out of pain/stress/anxiety cycles and become fully engaged in their lives again.
1 年yes, I get this, going to court must feel like a perpetuation of the abuse or pain of a bad marriage after already making the brave move to divorce
Life & Mindset Coach for Business Owners & Leaders | ?? Podcast: The Leader's Table-Powerful Conversations That Matter
1 年Stacey is such a powerful and effective expert in this space. I love how she is directly addressing this pattern she sees. We can all benefit from her advice in supporting our clients in divorce.
Retired Civilian Dispatch/Security Military Police Section
1 年The fear is greater if the woman are stay home moms, no Income to steal so the courts steal our children. The family court system are profiting on our kids for cash.
Key Account Manager, Oncology
1 年Please message me