Do You Hate New Year’s Resolutions? This May Be Why

I often ask people, “How do you feel about New Year’s resolutions?” And I hear from a lot of people who said, “I hate New Year’s resolutions, because for so long I made them, but could never keep them.”

And certainly most people don’t manage to keep their resolutions. Research shows that by February 28th—or what I've called "Determination Day—many people abandon their aims.

But that doesn’t make it any less frustrating to encounter a setback with an important resolution.

If you don't like a New Year's resolution, you can try a different approach to setting aims for yourself. For instance, each year I plan the three elements of my "Happier Trifecta":

1. I identify a one-word theme for my year. For 2024, my word is "Revisited," in 2023, it was "Wave."
2. I join the annual challenge. For 2024, it's #Write24in24; that is, write either 2-4 or 24 minutes a day in 2024.
3. I write a "24 in '24" list of 24 things I want to get done over the course of 2024.

No matter how you set your aims for the year, however, it’s important to be aware of the justifications or arguments that we sometimes invoke that interfere with keeping a good habit. They slip in so easily that it can be hard to spot them.

Be on guard against these three popular lines of thinking:

1. Thinking, “If I really beat myself up when I break a resolution, I’ll do a better job of sticking to it.” Although some people assume that strong feelings of guilt or shame act as safeguards to help people stick to good habits, the opposite is true. People who feel less guilt and who show compassion toward themselves in the face of setbacks are better able to regain self-control, while people who feel deeply guilty and full of self-blame struggle more.
2. Thinking, “Well, now that I’ve slipped up and broken my resolution, I might as well go all the way.” I remind myself, “A stumble may prevent a fall.” Because of the colorfully named “what the hell” phenomenon, a minor stumble often becomes a major fall; once a desired behavior is broken, we act as though it doesn’t matter whether it’s broken by a little or a lot. “I didn’t do any work this morning, so what the hell, I’ll take the rest of the week off and start on Monday.” It’s important to try to fail small, not big.
3. Thinking, “Sure, I’m not sticking to the habit that’s meant to keep me productive, but look how busy I am.” Working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastination. If you’re trying to accomplish something important, set aside some specific time to do it, and don’t use that time to answer emails, clear out papers, or my personal favorite, do “research.”

What have I missed? What’s made it tough for you to keep a resolution in the past?

Determination Day is coming up on February 28th. Instead of feeling discouraged by a lack of progress so far, consider that date as a chance to start over. Reflect, reevaluate, and ask yourself, “If something isn’t working, why not?”

In recognition of this day, I'm hosting a "Creating a Plan for Your Next New Habit" workshop on February 29th. This 90-minute workshop will provide a deep-dive into the habits that make us happier, as well as the powerful habit-change strategies, tips, and tools that can help anyone stick to their aims.

Click here to explore more and RSVP. Work Happier subscribers get 10% off with code WORKHAPPY10.

Onward and upward!

Portions of this article were originally published on Psychology Today.

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