Do You Feel You Are Walking a Tightrope in Your Divorce?

If you feel that you're walking a tightrope to keep things amicable, then this is the post for you.

This post is about the need for you to complete your due diligence without creating or triggering a response from your ex. This is really key in the type of divorce that you're likely going through.

When you have a power imbalance and when one party is a CEO, for example, this can often happen. What it creates is a dynamic where there is an assumption that one party knows what is right for the separation, what's right for the couple. The chances are he will possibly give you a spreadsheet and suggest, this is what a really great deal looks like. He will suggest that you don’t get solicitors involved, that you keep it really amicable.

It can put the other party in a position of complete vulnerability because you want to be amicable and there is danger in you actually challenging or suggesting any other course of action, danger from a physical perspective from some situations, but danger from an environmental perspective also.

The type of people who can get into CEO roles can also come along with some quite toxic personality traits. And if that's been present in your marriage, and is now present in your divorce, what it means is that you often are having to make some strategic decisions during your divorce to keep yourself and your children safe and to navigate it with the least conflict possible. And you know your ex better than everyone and you know what could trigger them.

So it puts you in this really difficult position of knowing that you potentially need some help and support, but that that could result in some backlash from them.

If you find yourself in this situation, there are some things that you can do.

Completing due diligence and making sure that you are in an informed position before you agree to any settlement is key, and you know that. It's getting the right help confidentially that will make the difference, because it doesn't have to be that he is aware that you have sought professional legal advice and professional financial advice, because you don't have to disclose that to him.

And that is often a really good sense check for you.

Some of the key things that you can do confidentially and is worth you pursuing, are around understanding what your minimum reservation point is.

Your minimum reservation point is the point at which below a settlement doesn't work for you.

It's the absolute minimum figure you could take from the divorce and still be able to have the financial security that you need in the future. And you can calculate that, it's often done with a financial planner and there would be some assessment of what your likely income is, how that might change in the future, how that will change when you get to retirement, overlaid with your likely outgoings and how they might adapt and change.

And you get a picture of what money you will need in the coming years.

That can then be translated either into a monthly sum or into a capital sum so that you can see the gap that needs to be filled.

Now, what this does for women divorcing CEOs, women divorcing wealthy and powerful men, is it gives you the freedom to accept offers, that piece of due diligence means that should you get to a position where he is suggesting something and you see that it meets your minimum criteria, it gives you that choice about whether or not you want to pursue things any further.

That hand in hand with some confidential legal advice will let you know your parameters, because your legal team will be able to tell you what they think is a potential good result for you.

Then you can make the choice between whether it is worth the risk and the experience of going through a legal process or whether you want to take an early offer from your ex.

That's your minimum reservation point, and that is something that you should establish early on in your separation as divorce is beginning, so that you can be on the front foot about deciding whether or not offers work for you.

Please stay tuned for more hints and tips about divorcing CEOs.