Do You Sometimes Feel Stuck?

Do you ever feel stuck??

Maybe it is at work where you can't see a way forward. Or in a relationship where the same things keep landing you in the same unhappy place?

That stuck feeling is an important one to explore.

These days, all too many of us are angry about something, confused about something or hurt by something.

It is common to be angry, confused or hurt by what appears to be keeping us stuck.

If you take a moment to reflect, you may realize that that stuck feeling is familiar, a feeling you've experienced for a long time.

Whatever has your focus, whatever it is you are feeling, is your reality in the moment. That focus and those feelings are valid.

If you feel stuck, you are stuck.

However, the meanings you make about the focal point and its associated feelings are not the absolute truth. They may be a facet of the truth, and there is more to the story. There are numerous other sides to that truth.

In the modern Western world, we live a very self-centered existence. Our lives are very personal. This individuality has tremendous benefits and creates nearly incomprehensible downsides.

On the upside, it allows each of us to express, create and explore a lot of life. On the downside, those expressions, creations and discoveries may be too much for some of us to handle.

When life becomes too much, we are back to the sentence above. We become angry, confused or hurt, and then we make a meaning about why we feel that way based on very limited perspective, understanding or ability.

In those moments, we often superimpose a very old story and meaning to the situation.?

Consider that for a moment. Why would we put an old meaning and story on top of (or underneath) a current issue?

Authorities and experts throw around the words mindset and limiting beliefs as tools to navigate life. They can be helpful if applied at the right time, place and manner. All too often, they are not.

What? Why is that?

There is more to it than just mindset or beliefs.

When a person or situation challenges, upends, or attacks a belief, the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) overrides the mind. When something threatens a firmly held belief, the body responds as if it is being attacked.

Read that again.

Overrides is the keyword.?

The sympathetic nervous system is an older and more proven entity. Its job is to keep us alive. Since we and many other mammals have been here for quite some time, we have proof that it works.

Why is that important??

Because if a new topic, situation or person results in the SNS activating, we lose much of our executive function.?

The body reacts as if it is in grave danger by going into SNS or what is often termed fight or flight, which is to say attacking the perceived threat or running from it, both of which are deeply programmed survival responses.

The brain, in this hyper-vigilant state, is reduced to black-and-white thinking. The options become either or. The possibilities are severely limited.

The above-stated phenomenon is not a limiting belief or mindset. It is a survival-biased imperative.

Very few humans can change their thoughts or beliefs when the SNS is active.

Spoiler alert!

Thanks to smartphones, apps, social media, computers and the internet, many of us are in a low to mid-grade SNS activation most of the time.

The new 24/7/365 connectivity exposes us to more data than we can handle. The volume alone is too much. Add in the divisive, angry and inaccurate nature of what we see and hear each day; we are likely to be experiencing life through the lens of the SNS often.

As if that were not enough, we also have implicit memories underneath all of that. Some of these memories occur so early in our lives that they are pre-verbal, which means they are memories of experiences felt without words or concepts to define or describe them.

Why does that matter?

When an occurrence activates an implicit memory, the body has a response. Often a strong one that has an equally strong feeling associated with it. Unfortunately, the body interprets that feeling as life-threatening, so it behaves as if that is the reality.

How does it react?

By activating the SNS.

What does that do?

It reduces options. It functions with - either or - as the only possibility.

What can we do about it?

In the moment, we can begin by taking control of what we can control.

If you are staring at a screen, put it down and move away from it.

Look up and out into the distance (ideally outside).

Pause. Take a deep breath. Notice where you are holding tension in your body. Breathe into the tension and then exhale while relaxing or moving that area.

As you release the tension, be curious about it. When did you first feel that? What does it want? Accept the feelings and the needs. Do what you can to give it what it wants.

Sip some water.?

Take a few more deep breaths with some gentle stretches.

The above are ways to self-regulate. To get your body out of SNS and back to what is called the Ventral state in polyvagal theory, which is the ideal parasympathetic nervous system running the show.

Over the long term, here are a few suggestions for you:

Limit screen time

Limit social media time

Limit news time

Connect with family

Connect with friends

Garden

Sing

Dance

Have a healthy hobby

Take a walk

Do breathing exercise

Meditate

Yoga

Lift weights

Do therapy

Get coaching

All the above activities utilized proactively will help you manage your body and mind, providing a foundation to begin the more profound work necessary to understand why you behave and believe as you do and what you can do to change it.

Consider the possibility that until you understand why you feel what you feel, there is a high probability that you will not be able to change what you think and believe.

If you're interested in learning more about getting unstuck, message me.

I am here for you.