But do you FEEL safe?

Last night I grilled pork chops for my family. I started with some beautiful two inch cuts and made a marinade out of soy sauce and various seasonings which shall remain confidential. I also wrapped some asparagus stalks in strips of bacon.

Once my fire was blazing hot and the flames were lapping through the grill, I carefully placed each chop directly over the heat for about a minute on each side to get a perfect, crusty sear on the meat. After that, I moved the meat and the asparagus to the side and finished them off at about 400 degrees of indirect heat.

When I pulled them off of the grill, the chops were a perfect color of brown with uniform grill marks. Before I served these gorgeous chops to my wife and daughter, I checked them with a meat thermometer. As expected, the meat had reached the requisite 165 degrees. The food wasn't just aesthetic, it was safe.

Now everyone had their plate and it was time to enjoy this amazing meal. After cutting into the meat, my wife said that hers didn't "look done". I instantly felt a swift kick to the ego. Does she think that I don't know how to grill a pork chop? Does she think that I would knowingly serve uncooked pork to my family? If she knows so much about cooking pork chops, maybe she should be the one doing it!

I held my tongue, took a breath, and re-engaged my prefrontal cortex before I responded. Thank God that I did because my intentional response not only prevented an argument, it created an opening for her to have a voice to share her concerns. That, ladies and gentlemen, was my responsibility as a leader and a provider.

I offered to put it back on the grill, or to nuke it for a minute. She opted for the microwave option, zapped the plate, and proceeded to enjoy the meal more than I had expected. She complimented the flavor, the crusty sear, and even gassed me up about the asparagus!

She had been safe all along, but now she FELT safe.

Sometimes in law enforcement we focus a bit too much on how things are and too little on how people feel. After all, violent crime continues to go down - the numbers don't lie. This is in no small part due to the hard work of the police. But in math there is no compassion - in math there is only math. This way of thinking can contribute to a perceived swift kick to the ego.

Does the public think that we don't know how to do our jobs? Do they think we would knowingly abuse or neglect them? If they know so much about policing, maybe they should be the ones doing it!

Our responses to questioning must be intentional. We must hold our tongue, take a breath, and re-engage our prefrontal cortex. This will likely prevent an argument and create an opening for the questioner to have a voice to share their concerns. That, ladies and gentlemen, is our responsibility as leaders and providers.

It's not always enough to BE safe. Sometimes what matters most is that a person is allowed to FEEL safe. This is a metric that is very subjective in nature and likely different from person to person and group to group. This is a metric that won't be found in the uniform crime report. This is a metric that we have to ask for specifically and value explicitly. After all, what's measured becomes treasured.

Peace.