Do You 'Disagree' or 'Get Offended'?

We all love to be liked by others.

We like those who agree with us.

Conflicts and Disagreement are part of our life.

In a personal and professional life, we always have to confront or negotiate with others quite often.

Sometimes it feels like we have to spend our whole life convincing others to agree with us because some people are hard to convince.

Let's talk about disagreement here and how to handle them.

I am writing this mail because I had an argument on an issue.

It was only a disagreement on some issues.

All of a sudden, the other person failed to explain to me why he was right as well as why I was wrong.

He was offended by me for holding different set of values, beliefs, attitude and knowledge than him.

I asked, "since when your statement of 'I disagree', suddenly turned into 'I am offended'?"

First of all,

If You are against someone or disagree with someone, it doesn't mean you are a terrorist.

Disagree doesn't mean you are unkind. It's JUST disagreement.

It's OK to respect others point of view.

An argument isn't a fight.

An argument is a bunch of ideas/facts clustered together in such a way that they support a point of view.

You are not arguing. You are simply explaining why you are right!

Disagreement is ONLY a difference of ideas, opinions, information, beliefs, values, attitude and knowledge (experience).

We see reality in different way. That's why we both have different opinion about reality

We have different sets of information. There is a gap of correctness of information between you and others.

We hold different values and we give importance to different things. That's why we mildly dislike others who are holding values what we don't; but at the same time you are holding different set values than others.

We have different perception about the same thing than others. It's only a perception. It's just the way we look at things and events.

Now, all we have to do is to narrow or close the gap of information, opinion, beliefs, knowledge and attitude.

but how?

If someone doesn't understand us, our primary job is to educate them about OUR REALITY.

Defusing the Argumentative Communicator?

1. Speak your point of view clearly and discuss what it would take for you to re-evaluate your point of view.

2. Ask the person, "Is being right more important than my feelings?" (In other words, what is at stake? Safety? Life/Death? Some long-term issue? or Is it about whether you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle or end....)

3. Suggest the person frame their comments in a more gentle fashion. "I know you aren't saying that to attack me, it just hurts when you say it that way."

4. "Instead of yelling, allow yourself to speak calmly and then I'll be able to listen to you better."

5. “Shouting makes people turn their heads, but whispering makes them listen. People will believe anything if you whisper it."

Another classic idea is to educate them about your knowledge and experience. PERIOD!

If they don't know what you know, then let them know. It's your job!

However, there are 3 types of people:

• People who understand
• People who don't understand
• People who don't WANT to understand

For those who don't want to understand you, let them learn from their experience or someone else.

Generally politicians (or supporters of politicians), radical religious people etc. come into this category

Also, remember.....

"People generally quarrel because they cannot argue." – G.K. Chesterton

You job is to try to convey your information, knowledge, values, beliefs and opinion only.

Most of the time our relationship gets collapsed because of disagreements and conflicts.

I hope this article will help you to save your relationship or probably strengthen your relationship.

To your enlightened success

Mayur Bardolia

Certified Life Success Coach / Business Coach / International Trainer Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner (UK) / Author / Counselor/Certified Hypnotherapist (UK) / Language & Behavioral Change Expert

Call: 0091 97370 46050

E-mail: [email protected]

visit: www.mayurbardolia.com

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