Do you do this consciously?

Who are the most important people in your life?

Acknowledge their names.

Who makes the list?

Who doesn’t?

What’s the first name that comes to your mind, and who is a surprise?

Who’s been with you for years and who’s a recent addition that you can’t imagine your life without now?

It’s a curious thing, human relationships.

Connection – real, human connection – can take a second to make and break.

Think of those people you thought you’d know forever… then something unfathomable happened, trust was broken, and you decided to part ways.

It took the same intensity of energy to make that bond that eventually broke it.

Although the start and end may have been intense, the middle wasn’t.

And with those people you have a real connection with, what did it take to build that relationship?

To construct the connection, piece by piece. To maintain contact. Little gestures, words, events, movements. They all add up to keeping the connection between you alive and moving.

We meet at an event and realise we only have eyes for each other (platonic or otherwise). Let’s have coffee. Let’s see if this chemistry is more than a one-time thing. We swap business contacts, share some laughs, help each other out.

This month we go to a gig together, and in a couple of weeks I invite you to drinks with my friends. Perhaps I move house and you help me shift furniture. Or you leave for a week-long holiday and trust me with your plants.

I send you a message saying good morning. You give me a hug when I’m feeling down.

With each, specific movement, the bond between you grows.

As I navigate through changes in my life (new job, new home, new pandemic), I’m in awe of how humans build their connections … or don’t.

Who do I keep in touch with? Who makes the time to check in with me? How much time is dedicated to give you a call and not someone else?

Your important relationships aren't accident

Your decision to connect is deliberate, and it’s made every time you think of someone, make a call, or agree to meet.

The connection isn’t maintained out of thin air. You both choose to cultivate it. Over the days, months and years.

By the time the years roll by, maintaining the relationship feels natural and second nature. But the start? The cultivation takes deliberate effort.

You put energy into calling this new person. Arranging to meet. Deciding if you want to meet again. Happily surprised when you bump into them as you go about your day. Wondering if they feel the same as you. Enjoying the deliciousness of rich conversation. Feeling content in familiarity.

With the finite hours and energy available to you, you choose to make this happen.

Relationships are a decision.

Which ones are you choosing? And why?