Do You Care What Other People Think?

One of the things I love the most about being a "woman of a certain age" (51, to be specific) is that I don't care all that much about what most people think of me. On that note, I bought a fabulous purple suit that I hope to wear when I give a keynote address to the Permian Basin Society for Human Resource Management (PBSHRM) in September. (Unless it's still too hot in Texas, and I decide to wear a mumu instead.)

A few years ago, I would have never considered wearing anything but conservative clothing when speaking or holding a business meeting. But now? Purple it is!

I also regularly stand on a stage and act ridiculous in the hopes of making an audience laugh. (Result achieved last week at Boutique Theatre Basel 's Candlelight Caberet.)

If you don't like that, then I really don't care. Fabulous entertainment isn't everyone's jam, and that's fine. Stay home and scroll through Netflix, trying to find something funny to watch instead.

I digress.

My point is that I'm not changing who I am to make you happy.

But I will absolutely change who I am and what I do to make me happy.

That is not narcissism. (And if it were, would I admit it?) It's that I want to be a better person. I want to achieve more. I want people to respect me--even if they disagree with me. I don't mind disagreement. But I want to be fair and respectful.

I also want people to listen to my ideas and take me seriously. I don't want my purple suit to distract them from my ideas; I want it to enhance them.

The power of improv comedy is in embracing the "yes, and" of the situation. And that turns out to be true in how people perceive you. You have to accept the reality of the situation and work with that.

If you want people to think you're organized and on top of things, you have to embrace the reality and "yes, and" it. What is that reality? Well, if you show up to a meeting late, in a bathrobe, people will not think you're organized and on top of things. It doesn't matter how good your spreadsheets are.

If you want people to think you're kind, you have to do kind things. You can't just think kind thoughts while being a jerk.

It can be hard to change, but changing what you do and how you act tells people how they should think about you. You get to make choices about who you are and what you think. Absolutely! You do you! But you don't get to choose how people perceive you.

Imagine a toddler in utter meltdown screaming, "I do not need a nap!" Just saying something does not make it true. Your behavior and your words need to match for people to believe your words. If they don't, people will believe your behavior.

If you want to change your behavior so that people will listen to you and take your ideas seriously, I have a suggestion. Join me next week at a training session from Dr Amy L Brice, DPhil (Oxon) . It's geared to women, but I guarantee men will benefit from Dr. Brice's wisdom.

You can snap up an early bird ticket through Thursday, so act fast!

Register at HRLearns . You can still be you, but you can be better at being you and getting your ideas across.