Do you ask the right questions or just say the wrong things?

This week, I was able to have a go at playing “Graham Norton”. For those outside the UK, Graham Norton is the king of the chatshow with A-list celebrities adorning his BBC sofa each week. On Tuesday, I was on stage interviewing a sporting A-lister, Dylan Hartley, the former captain of the England Rugby Team. Billed as “In conversation with…” I had to chat with Dylan for half an hour in front of a packed theatre. It was a real privilege and, like all good interviewees, Dylan was highly entertaining.

One thing he said struck a chord with me because even though he was talking about sports, what he said translates to business. Dylan was born and raised in New Zealand and soon discovered a passion for rugby. In his teens, his only ambition was to become a professional rugby player. However, it was a conversation with his coach that led Dylan to select his particular career path.?

He asked if he could become a professional, and his coach at the time said, “You’re not quite fit enough yet”. The coach did not ask something like, “Why on earth do you think you could achieve that?” even though the coach might have thought that. By his own admission, Dylan said he was “carrying a lot of extra timber”. The coach could have thought that Dylan was too overweight to make it as a professional and might have said so. Instead of doing that, he framed his answer in a different way, talking about fitness.

That triggered Dylan to improve his fitness. Yet he soon realised he probably would not be good enough to get a place in the All Blacks even with higher fitness levels. Instead of asking, “How do I get into the All Blacks?” he asked, “How can I get to play rugby in England?” With an English mother, Dylan qualified to play for England. At the age of 16, he came to play initially in Sussex before asking a question to a Worcester coach about how he could get into their academy. Dylan told me that asking the right questions is fundamental if you want to achieve.

I was reminded of this when the brouhaha erupted following Wednesday’s Budget. Whatever your political stance, the budget is the budget. You can’t do anything about it. There is no way of changing it. You just have to accept it, like it or not. Yet, ever since Wednesday, all I have heard on the radio or TV have been business people asking if the budget can be changed somehow. They want the Chancellor of the Exchequer to reconsider their particular circumstance relating to National Insurance. Or they are asking of some kind of relief can be applied in their instance. I’ve got a message for all these people. You are asking the wrong questions.?

Asking if the Chancellor can revise her budget just for you is a bit like Dylan Hartley asking the All Blacks to change their selection criteria just for him. It wouldn’t happen.?

Moaning that your business will have to stump up additional National Insurance focuses your mind negatively. That’s like saying “you’re fat” rather than “you could improve your fitness”.

The question to ask about a National Insurance rise is, “How can I increase my sales?” or “How can I expand my business?” or “What can I do to reduce my costs?” Those questions will lead to behaviour that enables a business to deal with taxation rises. Moaning about the budget, saying how the tax rises will affect you, and asking questions of the Chancellor that will never be answered all steer you in the wrong direction.

Think of that teenage Dylan. If he had focused on his weight and tried to get the All Blacks to do things differently, then he would never have come to the UK or become the England captain. The questions you ask and the framing of your statements are fundamental to ensuring you behave in a way that leads you to the success you desire.

Throughout the business world, we see plenty of negative framing and poor questions. Often, we ask for feedback on what we have done at work, allegedly to help us improve. But we can’t improve because feedback looks at history, not the future. If you want to improve, don’t say, “Can you give me some feedback?” instead, ask, “Can I have some advice?” That becomes future-focused and changes how you behave. If you don’t believe me, then check out Harvard Business Review, which tells you the same thing. With differently framed statements and the right questions, you get answers that help change your behaviour positively. In turn, that leads you on a better path.?

Asking the right questions and framing your statements are fundamental to ensuring success. I’m so glad that Dylan Hartley reminded me of this.