Do you actually listen or just pretend to listen?

I have a question for you. Do you actually listen or just pretend to listen and just hear?

Listening is a skill that needs to be developed by everyone who aspires to become a Leader.

It is the most underrated skill in the workspace, despite being of utmost importance.

Listening helps leaders develop an empathetic mindset. Often most people don’t listen; they either pretend to or they just hear.

What’s the difference between hearing and listening?

Hearing refers to sound perception by the ears; it is passive, involuntary and requires no focus or attention.

On the other hand, listening is a conscious process. It is active, voluntary and requires focussed effort to pay attention to what is being said.

Hearing is a physiological process.

Listening is the intentional interpretation of what you hear.

When people say, ‘in one ear and out the other’, they are talking about hearing and not listening.

When you are in your office, you hear other people walking about, talking to each other, phones ringing, printers and photocopiers in the background….etc. You ‘hear’ these but do not ‘listen’ to them.

The most important difference between hearing and listening is that listening conveys that you care.

It shows to the speaker that you care enough to listen to what they are saying.

Here are some tips to develop your listening skills to become a better leader:

1. Be attentive. When you are in a conversation, focus your full attention on the speaker. Use body language and facial expressions to show your interest and attention. Attempt to maintain and sustain eye contact. When your eyes wander, it is only fair to assume that your attention has wandered too. Nonverbal gestures such as checking your watch or looking at your phone more than once convey the impression that you are in a hurry or do not have the time for the conversation.

2. Get rid of your biases and judgemental attitudes. Be open-minded enough to accept different opinions and appreciate that other people may have different views to you. A judgemental attitude hinders active listening. When you listen without bias, you open yourself to possibilities and exploring new ideas and concepts.

3. Ask relevant and pertinent questions that convey to the speaker that you are listening. But be careful not to interrupt or talk over them. Wait for them to finish speaking before you start talking.

4. Avoid fidgeting. Stay calm during the conversation, if possible. Fidgeting distracts the speaker and conveys that you are in a hurry or would rather be somewhere else.

5. Avoid multitasking. In today's world of virtual meetings, people are used to multitasking. However, do not do this in the midst of a conversation. Note things down if you would like to address them in more detail later.

6. Last but not the least, avoid using your phone in the midst of a conversation. Do not text or looks at texts, if possible. It is extremely rude and leaves the other person with a very bad impression of you. Unless you are expecting an important and unavoidable call, it would be much preferable to have your phone on silent mode. In case you expect such an important call, explain that you may get interrupted and apologize in advance for it.

The tips that I shared are not innovative and ground-breaking discoveries. They are really common courtesy, but practicing that can help you build deeper relationships with others.

But in today’s busy and competitive world, courtesy has become an extinct phenomenon.

It would be good to dust and brush up on these simple courtesies so your speaker leaves with the impression of a leader who cared enough to listen to them.

Please share your comments below

Johncey George is an International Coaching Federation accredited Leadership and Life Coach. He is a ICF PCC and an empanelled coach with several organizations and has completed 1000+ hours of professional coaching.

Johncey (https://www.coachjohncey.com) focuses on Executive Leadership coaching.

Johncey has special interest and expertise in coaching introverts. He is India’s first and leading Leadership Coach for Introverts. He helps them celebrate their strengths and become successful as leaders. Being an introvert himself, he understands their thinking process. He combines this knowledge, his corporate leadership experience and his coaching expertise to help create more leaders among the Introverts.

Johncey has 23 years of corporate leadership experience as COO, Director, Board of Directors. He did his BE in Computer Science and did his Management Education from IIM Bangalore, Harvard Business School, ISB Hyderabad.