Do Women Regret Becoming CEOs?

“I really don’t get you. Why are you pushing women so hard to become CEOs? In general I think that women want to be with their families much more than they want to lead a company, don’t you think?”

In general, this kind of statement comes my way from men and it gets my blood boiling in no time. But when it comes from a woman CEO… it actually made my blood run cold. ?

Do Women CEOs Regret Not Spending More Time with Their Families?

Earlier this year I read two spectacular books written by women CEOs:

1. Good Power by Ginny Rometty, the former IBM global CEO, and
2. My Life in Full by Indra Nooyi, former global CEO with PepsiCo.

Indra has two daughters; Ginny is childless. When they look back at their lives and careers, they both wonder how it would have been if… if Ginny had kids, or if Indra chose to spend more time with her daughters.?

But when they reflect on their past, you can feel they do it with light, with grace, with an intention to learn something about themselves.

Not with the whiff of some catastrophic regrets.?

By the contrary. What surprised me the most, what exults from both books is that…?

… these two women are actually very happy.?

Perhaps the most important thing they did for their happiness, as it appears from their books, was to choose a supportive life partner.

Once you have that, children or not, intimacy and personal life gain a different dimension.?

In a loving, intentional relationship intimacy is not about the volume of time spent together, but about the quality of the time and the volume of love and happiness you manage to pour into your relationships during the time you choose to spend together.?

I think perceiving relationships as being possible only when vast amounts of time are spent together, which would somehow automatically lead to happiness, is a bitter delusion. Life is not pink; there are ups and down in every relationship and we all need time away from each other to regain critical distance and to recharge so we can be truly fully present for each other.?

I have also seen people trapped together 24/7 with nothing else on their mind than how to get away from each other.?

Would you like to be in their shoes?

Didn't think so.?

So, happiness and fulfillment is not about the volume of time we spent together with our families and loved ones – even for women CEOs.?

But what is it about then??

Do You Have a Higher Mission Beyond Your Family and Work?

Another thing that amazed me in both books is that both Indra and Ginny are absolute powerhouses of positive social transformation.?

Ginny is the co-chair of OneTen, a skills-first movement aimed to teach companies how to hire differently and to support more people without academic degrees to gain access to well paid jobs.

In PepsiCo Indra was the key driver of water effective usage; today, her mission is to drive transformation around general care so women can receive more support with kids, aging parents, and household management.?

These two women are former CEOs. Today, even after their mandate is over, they continue serving. Their thinking and influence remain relevant, impactful, and global.?

I bow to such women CEOs. Being in the presence of women like them is the answer to the question in the first line about why I do what I do, aka why I support women to become CEOs.?

That’s why. Because the world desperately needs more female talent and vision at the top. Unless we want to burn alive during the next decades, more female wisdom at the top is vital and it is urgent.?

I honestly could do nothing else with my life. It’s that important.?

So, Why Do Some Women CEOs Regret Their Choices? ?

I have a suspicion about this. Let me tell you a bit about it. ??

I have seen many women (and men) CEOs regretting their choices when they spent their life on this narrow axis:

This is the transactional level of being a CEO.

A transactional CEO is basically striving to get to the top not for a greater purpose and impact, but to be successful according to social standards, to make money, and to bring as much of that money home as possible.

This is it. Work for money, more money, more work.

This is the equation. No more meat on the bone.

Would you also feel dry like a scorched field in the summer if you lived your life in this inner dynamic? Would your mind and soul also be filled with regret?

Here is the trick: when you experience no purpose, there is nothing left to fill your inner emptiness but regret. ?

Yet, what happens when we expand the perspective?

What happens when we start to shift from transactional into transformational?

What happens when we start to see the CEO role as one of the greatest personal development and transformation journeys there is (the other great one is becoming a founder & CEO)?

What happens if instead of just work we start seeing the bigger context, the stakeholders we serve, the society and the world beyond our work?

What happens if you develop a purpose so powerful, so great, that it doesn’t let you sleep at night??

Do you think you will experience regret then? Will you truly regret finding ways to keep your family happy WHILE working on your purpose and greater service??

I do believe that the key difference between a CEO full of regrets and one flourishing in the CEO role and beyond lies in their level of emotional intelligence and personal maturity.

Because I have never encountered a CEO, man or woman, who has transcended the transactional, mercenary-like nature of their job and managed to shift into wisdom and transformative personal and social potential and live to regret it.?

So, if you experience regrets, perhaps it’s a great indicator that something has been missing all along. A purpose greater than yourself, the volume of money in your bank, the size of your car or house, or the volume of time spent with anyone in particular. Real, genuine purpose leaves room for nothing else, and even less so for silly regrets. ???

Getting there requires a lot of work on ourselves. It requires a learning mindset, humility, and a desire to be genuine servant leaders.?

Unfortunately, many CEOs still think they know it all, they have no need to learn or be coached, or that they are invulnerable in their roles.?

This until they lose their jobs. Or until regret comes hitting home, breaking their hearts.?

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