DO WHAT YOU SAY!

Do you remember the song from The Wallflowers “One Headlight”?

So long ago, I don't remember when

That's when they say I lost my only friend

Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease

As I listened through the cemetery trees

Believe it or not, recently something happened to me just like these lyrics! I lost one of my friends. She was gone suddenly, very unexpectedly. She had some health issues. She was always complaining about her health, as much as I was. I remember once she asked me about death, as a Buddhist, I told her that we will come back and I said “the best death must me while we are sleeping and seeing a beautiful dream.” She loved the idea even she said “do you know what, I don't scare from death any more! I hope I will die while sleeping.”

As I told you, I was always talking to her on the phone for hours and hours. She loved asking such complicated questions like, “what will you cook today”, then I was telling her what I will cook. After all, she was asking this, “can you give me the recipe?” You see that's why our conversations were so long. However, one day I heard from our mutual friends, she was complaining about these long phone conversations. Well, I felt so offended and decided not to talk to her!

First I deleted her number from my phone, then her page from my Facebook. In the mean time I was having messages from her. She never asked why I deleted her, she was just saying she wants to talk to me, because she misses me.

Then one day I saw her picture in the hospital, she was looking very ill. But I didn't believe her. I thought “again making a big fuss!” I received her last message under my Facebook picture. She wasn't my friend anymore but she started following me. In her message, she was wishing me a beautiful Christmas and a very happy New Year. She was also saying, “I am sick now, but I missed you so much, I will call you.”

Then one day, while I was in front of my computer, one of our mutual friends wrote me this:

“she died!”

I got frozen in front of this message I don't know how long. Even I thought “what kind of joke is this!” But then she wrote more with some details. She died in her sleep as she was wishing for. She made peace with all her broken friendships just before leaving us. She died from an unrelated illness, she was always worried for her lungs, but she had a stroke.

My first reaction to this loss was blaming myself. I couldn't sleep for a couple of days. I felt guilty, but I didn't try to find an excuse to make myself relax. I don't even write this article to make myself right. I am writing it, because every loss teaches us something very important :

God knows how many times I advised her not to complain about her health. I told her that she has to be positive. She has to learn how to free herself from attachments. I told her that everything has a reason. I always reminded her that, she has to start doing yoga and meditation, eat healthy. Not to care what other people think about her. Never pass even one single negative idea in her mind! And also most importantly, she had to learn how to forgive people.

When a loved one dies, the first reaction is denying this death, then blame yourself, then start blaming her/him. I said to myself “she never listened to me! If she was a little bit more positive and never complained about her health, maybe she would be alive...” Then I saw my face in the mirror! I saw a hypocrite!

Well... I gave my best friend my best advice, I was preaching to her basically “do what I say, but don't do what I do!” I faced with my hypocrisy. I thought long enough to understand my feelings. My negative side! And today I start my life from scratch! I came to a point that I cannot ever bare to listen, share or talk any negativity now on!

I promised myself and shared my new decision with my friends :

“From now on, I will share in my social media accounts only positive things. That doesn't mean I ignore bad things happen to good people in this world. But I am enough with negativity, please try to understand. Now on, I won't even like negative shares. Because I don't wanna lose my hopes for peace! Let's be pro-peace not anti-war! You have to understand, when you share negative things, you actually don't fix anything! With your negative shares you help the chaos. They (you know them, some of us call them Illuminati) want you to feel unhappy and lose your hopes for this world! Stop spoiling your happy day! Make it peaceful! Stop hurting your own future with negative shares! Stop losing your hopes for a better future. Please, try to understand, you are loading yourself with negative energy. You can fix it with only pro-peace! “

This is not an advice for you, live your life as you wish. But now on, I will live my life in a very special way. I will create a beautiful life for myself and for my loved ones. I will write articles and books that my readers can breathe like fresh air. I am done being in chaotic subjects and negative news. I will be stronger than before. If you wish you can change and start from scratch a very and a healthy life. I know karma will visit me time to time, but I have a brave heart to stay strong. And smile at whatever life gives me!

Victoria Toumit