Do what you can, let go what you can't

DEALING WITH UNCERTAINTY AND STAYING COOL DURING COVID-19

Following is my experience and perspective on how I gained control over my stress that arose from this unprecedented global crisis. I appreciate that everyone is currently dealing with their own problems and issues, some of which are sure to make my story seem innocuous—For those people faced with real tragedy, may you find peace, be healthy, and be safe.

Caveat: The following paragraphs, for context, recap an earlier article, so, if it starts to look too familiar, skip down to the next section.

Sliding down into Stress Canyon

It was January 25, 2020—my son and I raced out of Shanghai, just in front of the COVID-19 explosion that hit China, for a preplanned ten-day ski trip stateside. We arrived in Los Angeles knowing we had barely made it out before China locked down, and there was a 98% chance we were clean (of the virus). Unfortunately, that 2% still had the power to haunt us—a little bit of stress.

We grabbed our rental car at LAX and headed north toward Mammoth. It was two days later that our airline notified us they had canceled our return flights to China; in fact, all US carriers had canceled all flights to China. "Wow, that's not good," I recall thinking, "ah, screw it, let's not waste our skiing time on worrying." And, so worries aside, we enjoyed several days of skiing, until it ended, and then we had decisions to make. 

"Where should we go? With whom should we stay? Maybe an Airbnb is a better option given our 2% chance? What are we going to do with all this extra time stateside? Should we attempt a return to Shanghai via another country; if not now, when? How am I going to run my Shanghai-based company from afar? Does anyone know where this crisis is heading? What if....? What if...?" I had many questions and very few answers—the pressure of uncertainty began to pile up. Stress, stress, and more stress. I had to think.

It was still Chinese New Year; my employees were on vacation, homebound, in compliance with local isolation policies, and my wife was isolated in our Shanghai home too. But we were in the US, "homeless," and wandering, in need of a place to stay. It had been almost two weeks, so we were now 99.9% sure were not carriers as we hadn't had even the slightest of symptoms. Plus, nobody we had been in close contact with back in Shanghai had become sick. 

But we would have to be straight with anyone who invited us in by expressing our concern about the "minor risk" we posed so they could make their own informed decision. No matter how you rationalize it, even a 0.1% chance of a worst-case scenario can still eat at you, especially when it concerns another person's safety. We had no choice; we needed to accept an extended hand, settle in, and get back to work, or in my boy's case, school, even if the situation were less than ideal. "This sucks," I ruminated aloud, the stress of not knowing hovering over me like the shadow of a growing thunder cloud.

We remained stateside bouncing between family and friends, across state lines, for the next five weeks. Settled into each new "hospice," I was able to focus better on pulling my Shanghai-based team together from my location abroad. Our hosts were awesome, providing all the comforts of a 5-star hotel and instant family too. Still, we were in their homes, and despite all the "what's ours is yours" they offered up, we couldn't help but feel we were imposing. We couldn't remain in flux forever.

COVID-19 never left. It began rearing its head in new places, both in the US and around the world, with an increasingly vengeful attitude, so it seemed. It was devastating Italy, oh, and then the Seattle area, and now New Rochelle, NYC. Data kept coming from everywhere, some good, some bad, much conflicting. It seemed hopeless and then hopeful, alternating between the two, minute-by-minute, depending on the news source and who was delivering the information. I had to make what truly seemed like life decisions.

It was confusing and in no way comforting. My brain was on fire with the questionable projections of my best and worst-case scenarios, ones I needed to support my "big" decisions. It was exhausting for me, and probably a bit odd for the family and friends with whom we stayed to see me stressed, given that I am normally fairly laid back and the situation in the US seemed mundane. My difficulty: All variables I was tracking, and there were many, kept changing daily, like a math test for which the problems keep changing as you attempt to solve them. Any decisions I might make could work out fine or have profoundly negative consequences. There was no clear, safe middle ground, at least not in my field of view at the time.

The expanding COVID-19 pandemic, fear of putting my kid in danger, concern over my company's survival, and the big question of "should we stay or should we go" were taking their toll. I don't believe I have ever felt so lacking in control over a situation in life. I wanted to decide but was indecisive, also atypical of me. My blood pressure climbed along with my irritability, and no matter how I tried, I could not relax—working out, meditation, nor a vodka martini worked to calm my mind. "Pressure" was my new tag-along friend, one who I knew would be around for some time to come.

D-Day (Decision Day)

At the beginning of March, it was apparent that I could not run my company from afar much longer; I needed to be in China if I were to rally my troops. COVID-19 cases in Europe and the US were skyrocketing in a familiar pattern. I knew we would have to leave the US soon, or not be able to enter China without an official quarantine in a government facility (a big unknown I desired not to learn about). It was a "now or never" decision. I had doubts as I stared at the Eva Air reservation on my computer screen, and then I hit "Confirm Booking." We were leaving for China in two days. And we returned, without major incidence, and went on to enjoy a two-week home quarantine. As I type this, I am now into my fourth week back in my office.

A Mental Enema

Once I had hit "Confirm Booking," I instantaneously felt the pressure draining out of me (hence, "mental enema"—sorry). Undoubtedly, relief came because I had made my decision, and there was nothing left to decide. It was out of my hands, and I knew it, I could feel it. The mental ping pong game of "should we, or should we not," and "what if I do, but what if I don't," had stopped. The running of scenarios, some genuinely frightening, had little value now. "It is what it is," I thought, "we'll deal with it." I let it go. I had been experiencing max stress, but I was now calm, almost meditative.

(By the way, I do meditate. If you haven't, try it. Start with a guided youtube meditation.).

While in quarantine, I worked long hours from home, peaceful, and collected. Most importantly, my boy and I were safely back in Shanghai with my wife. There were no "life" decisions to make, only business decisions, and of course, many work things to do. Outside of China, the world was in duress, but there was nothing I could do to change that, at least not in any fundamental way.

The problem with COVID-19 is that it has proven to be much bigger than any one of us, companies, or countries. If you are trying to solve "how can I stop COVID-19 from affecting the world", or more simply just, "my world," then good luck. COVID-19 will continue to impact the world, your world, and every person's world in ways far beyond our control. It will impact us for a long time to come, and in some ways we cannot yet imagine. There is nothing we can do to change the crisis called COVID-19. We can only tuck in and deal with it, and therein lies your freedom.

COVID-19 will impact each of us, but once you accept this, once you realize all you can do is deal with it, only then (this is important) will you be free to begin constructively coping with it. This logic may seem passive, but I think it is not. Rather, it is a very subtle yet liberating shift in thinking. Consider the following excerpt from the serenity prayer:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference." -- Dr. Reinhold Niebuhr (~1932)

Only by accepting what we cannot change and focus on what we can, we can find the peace and clarity we need to move forward. We can stop wasting our valuable energy and sanity on attempting to solve unsolvable problems and instead spend that energy on things over which we have control. I failed to do this, at least for several weeks this past February. Grappling with multiple potentially life-impacting decisions involving numerous changing variables, I had let my "problem" become so big as to become unsolvable. I am not even able to articulate the problem given it had the character of a far-reaching but vaguely-spun spider web of uncertainties adrift in my brain. But, once I made the "fateful" decision to return to Shanghai, I simply let go, allowing that spider web I had held so tightly to drift away. 

Going forward with a clear mind

Like all businesses, mine is facing new risks, my stock portfolio took a hit, there is cash flow pressure, and my oldest son is sheltering in place in his UC campus apartment, to name but a few of my current concerns. Now, however, I am once again hanging cool. These concerns are just part of a reality I have come to accept. Other than wise management and many smaller decisions, there are no fundamental problems for me to solve. 

Only when I accepted my limited options, "those things I was unable to change," could I be confident and free to "change the things I could." Through acceptance, one can see there are always options, things one can do and can control, to survive and progress. As I stand in the light at the tunnel's end, the most important advice I can offer is to accept, let go, and look—look for those things you have control over and focus on those since all the worry in the world will allow you control over what's uncontrollable. Let go, you will feel better and you will endure.

A final word on business

With a clear mind, I can contemplate the future, albeit a somewhat different future. Opportunities will be lost, some will change, and others, new ones, will arise as a result of the COVID crisis. If my team and I remain calm, regardless of any new and potentially disastrous situations that may manifest, we will not only see the best way to navigate through but even find opportunities in those situations. We will fear not, fret not nor think there's a perfect solution if we can just find it—Instead, we will choose to deal with each new challenge in stride, let go of the things we cannot change, and leverage those we can for a better future.

Take action, good luck, and be safe,

Chris Wingo, Managing Director

China Sage Consultants (Shanghai) Co., Ltd: Hands-on China sales and business execution support services for western businesses. Home to China Sales Incubator full-service sales outsourcing program— We have been delivering millions of dollars in China sales to clients since 2003. Contact us if you require COVID-19 emergency sales and business operations support in China.