Do we speak the same language?

And I do not mean English, Mandarin, French or Italian.

Take for example, "X is doing a good job". What is a good job? What is the definition of a good job. What is the understanding of what is a good job. For some people, being hardworking is doing a good job. For others, having a positive output is a sign of a good job. We live in a complex world where everyone has their own unique thinking. We process the information from external environments and synthesize our own understanding based on our experience and perception. In a board meeting, that leads to disagreements, conflicting views, polarization or even outbursts. We see the same thing but interpret the information differently.

Have you ever thought if everyone sees the world in the colours that you see? Is the red you see the same as the red that someone else sees? How do we rationalize what we are seeing and understanding?

1. Step into the other person's shoes

As we try to understand what made the other person think in that manner, it is worthwhile to imagine if the person was you. A quick scenario imagination may lead to clues to help you understand why the person was thinking that way.

2. Ask and clarify

If you do not want to second guess, it might be easier sometimes to just ask and clarify. Probing questions are often useful not only for yourself to understand but also for the other person to check if he has missed out on anything.

3. Frequent communication to build rapport

Most of the time, misunderstandings occur as a result of a lack of rapport. In most cases, a lack of communication is the stumbling block. Without talking, how can we expect to understand the other party? Communication is critical in building connections between coworkers and also for the dissemination of information. Sharing of best practices can also come about from communication.

4. Bring everyone back to the objective or mission

I work in a mission oriented organization. We do not work just for ourselves but for the greater ecosystem. We may disagree on things due to differences in interpretation but sometimes it will be useful to bring everyone back to the table to sort out a common understanding of the objective or mission.

5. Do not be defensive

This is another factor which prevents multiple parties from coming to a common understanding. When we become defensive, we stop listening. When we stop listening, we lose the essence of what the other party is trying to achieve. Instead of building walls, open the gates and build open communication as in point 3.

6. Lead and be decisive, make everyone speak your language if all fails

If you are a leader, it is perhaps better to chart a direction when there are 10 different opinions and directions. There is a thin line between open leadership and a confused leadership. Decisions must usually be made on the fly and it is critical for the leader to exercise the leader's call or judgment. Take too long and things drag on. Alternative ideas will build and grow. Separate paths will become more defined and cracks will appear. You are the leader, make the call.

7. If you are not the leader, support, not bash

It is important that if your role is just as a member of the team, you should not lead to the chaos. Seek the leader's feedback. Try to disagree respectfully with the understanding that paths must eventually converge towards the mission.

8. Teamwork, teamwork, teamwork

If there is no teamwork, then there is nothing to say. This is the first thing to build.

I hope that this short article can explain some of the dynamics that are happening in your meetings and discussions. Look at yourself but also take a look at the others.