Do We Really Need Life Skills?
Ryan Stengle
Business Development | Employee Benefits & Wellness Solutions | Leveraging AI for Mental Health and Recovery | Startup Founder | Recovery and Wealth
Can’t I Just Rest on The Fact That I Can Breakdance?
Running around the facility this week seemed fruitful. A lot of great conversations with clients and staff. All very interesting and strange. One thing that came to light that was a common theme was skill-building or starting new projects. When folks are trying to start over the big idea phase always hits. They always want to achieve these huge dreams. That’s the pink cloud syndrome talking. They finally feel better and have stopped using mood-altering substances. It’s a tale as old as time. That doesn’t mean that some of that stuff won’t stick.?
I was also having these discussions with some friends and fellow staff members. Even years removed from abuse big ideas and reinvention still happen. It got me thinking about life skills. Plus, I also read an article about this recently. It touched on teaching these skills in earlier educational programs. Subjects like effective communication, financial literacy, emotional intelligence, negotiation, conflict resolution, and public speaking. I didn’t learn any of that juicy stuff in high school or college. I had to learn by doing and build that skill myself. I still don’t fully understand emotional intelligence, but who does??
The main reason I wanted to write about it was a conversation with a staff member about some of the side projects he was working on. His idea was to start scheduling speaking engagements and he wanted my thoughts. He’s already a great speaker and good in front of crowds. Very passionate and charming when he facilitates group therapy. Seems like a perfect candidate to be a motivational speaker. He has engaged a coach and worked on different formats for his outlines. My suggestion was to join Toastmasters. I’ve been to it. It’s great for people trying to get better at presenting and public speaking in general. It helped me get over my fear. I can be good in front of a crowd, but I lack certain persuasion and format skills. It honed in on my strengths and weaknesses of presenting. Being a good presenter is practice, practice, practice. Listen to A.I. he knows!
The standouts to me were as follows:?
Financial Literacy: Let’s just get this one out of the way. I am clearly an advocate for this in early education and recovery. It’s a life skill that most don’t need to master you need to know the basics. The statistics from national surveys are staggering. Over 70% of people in the U.S. know what a 401k is but do not use it. How can that be? It stems back to the educational system and generational aspects. Even Gen Z who are whizzes at technology and self-learning are in the dark somehow. Only 50% of them know how a Roth IRA works. It's troubling, to say the least. That is why so many K-12 programs have popped up over the last 10 years. Learn with your kids. Create a bonding activity. The great wealth transfer that is happening among baby boomers is a tremendous opportunity to educate your next of kin.?
Effective Communication: This seems like a catch-all for public speaking, negotiation, and social skills. I blame some of this on the rise of technology. As connected as we are we’re also disconnected in virtual reality. Many of the generations that grew up with tech always struggle with social skills. There are exceptions to the rule of course, but there’s a divide between real life and virtual. Being that it’s not going to change we should instead focus on teaching the younger people how to communicate effectively. I was lucky enough to have the best of both worlds. Had a phone on the wall and in my car when I was a teenager. I still get PTSD from the dial-up internet sound of AOL though.?
When it comes to communication some of these skills are still learned behaviors. Public speaking and negotiation are art forms. Some people have natural abilities but the majority do not. I never got lessons in presenting until college, but it helped me realize I needed to learn. If we start teaching it early, then maybe some of these students will have more confidence when entering the workforce. There are plenty of resources out there for negotiation and interpersonal skills. Books like Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss are a great guide to negotiating tactics. Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, or one of my favorites by Dale Carnegie How to Win Friends and Influence People. I read these on my own except one. One was given to me out of the trunk of a car while working at my high school grocery store job. I was supposed to provide a book report but never did. At least I read it though. These are all books not on a curriculum because they don't align with History, Math, or Science subjects. I feel the subject matter is essential.
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Emotional Intelligence: I’m still dumbfounded as to what this actually means. According to Lycos (90s kids will get it), it means the ability to regulate your emotions. Things like conflict resolution, empathy, or understanding. Seems like it is accepting your emotions at the base level. As young children in school, this is much harder to do. We’re still growing and learning new things. That does not mean we can’t aid kids as they enter their teenage years to confront the problems they have. Trust me. I know plenty of adults who cannot regulate their emotional output. Yours truly included. That’s why even small things like teaching mindfulness activities, retreats, or breathing exercises go a long way. Sure boys are going to be rambunctious and young ladies are going to be gossipers, but that doesn’t mean we can’t teach them a few tricks along the way.
As adults, we tend to get wrapped up in all kinds of emotional conflict. We have work responsibilities, significant others, or children that keep us on our toes. People just get in their heads and it causes turmoil. I see this every day at the treatment center. People are anxious and irritable constantly. Sure some of it is from the chemicals in their body, but the majority is untreated emotional trauma. It’s not just children who need a mindfulness smack upside the head. Learning how to communicate your conflict is what helps you heal. I struggled with this a lot. I don’t like telling people my business. I also don’t enjoy being seen as weak. That’s more of a male thing than a female. We’re raised to be strong providers. When we are damaged or our manliness is taken away we suffer. Most suffer quietly. That’s no bueno. I’ve had to set aside all of those assumptions and move to acceptance.?
There is tons of research and tools out there to help this process. I went to therapy for a long time. I learned CBT therapy tactics. I went to meetings and read. At the end of the day, it's about being self-aware. Having the motivation to heal from your past or deal with present-day conflict. Once again my mantra starts small. Journaling is a great way to get things out. It prevented me from chewing someone’s head off more than once. Taking willy walks, breathing exercises, or simply calling a close friend. Any one of these should help you get to the bottom of the evil that lies beneath.???????????????
This turned into a way longer piece than originally intended. Who knows. Go forth! Practice mindfulness, and tip your waiters!