Do we need ambition?

It is said that we humans are the greatest species to have ever lived, in all ways that we humans choose to measure greatness.

Using our divine dream machine, we continue to imagine the unimaginable and achieve the unachievable. Our brain’s truly unique ability to project fantasies of ourselves into the future is what has enabled every great invention and discovery to date. Without this ability to assimilate the past and invent the future, we wouldn’t have sliced bread, selfies, penicillin, nor would we have a kick-ass spaceship on a lonely 40,000-year trip to the second closest star in our galaxy (more on that later).

When we aspire to any goal, when we desire something or every time we visualise living up to an ideal, we automatically compare. We think about where we are and where we’d like to be — in doing so our mind brings to life two opposing forces. It brings to life struggle. Let’s break that down:

Where there is comparison, there is contradiction.

Where there is contradiction, there is conflict.

Where there is conflict, there is struggle, effort, or pain.

As they say, “No pain, no gain”, right? We need the struggle through uncertainty in order to achieve greatness and push ourselves forward. That’s just part of the deal.

Is it? Let’s explore this assumption together.

A 2010 study at the University of Warwick found that money only makes people happier if it improves their social rank. Somehow, simply being paid a lot of money isn’t enough — we have to earn more than our friends and foes. We don’t mind being short and ugly, as long as our neighbours are shorter and as long as the dog’s afraid of playing with them after dark.

Another consequence of being on the ladder of comparison is that you’re constantly looking out for others who are threatening your position, no matter your current rank. Eventually, everyone on the ladder is rewarded with the same participation prize: struggle, pain and anxiety. Not only is it a game you can’t win, it’s a game that simply has no finish line.

Should you attempt to answer the classic interviewing question, “Where do you see yourself in five years’ time?”, in a quantifiable and comparable manner, you’ll find that a whole host of internal conflicts eventually emerge. Either you feel frustrated and disappointed in yourself for not knowing the answer to the question, while everyone else seems to have figured life out already; or FOMO kicks in because you have in fact articulated your bold goals, but everyone else seems to be more ambitious or moving faster towards theirs.

It appears that constant comparison and goal crushing don’t bring us long-term happiness. Though sometimes they may bring us short-term pleasure, if we’re lucky.

Then why do we keep doing it? Why do we constantly try to climb the ladder of comparison? Granted, the quest for hierarchy and therefore comparison is hard-wired into our brains. The alpha has to emerge, as someone has to lead the wolfpack. Yet is this the only factor causing our need for comparison, or is it possible that society plays a part in it, too? Before we try to answer this question, let’s first try to understand it a bit better — by zooming in on the smallest part of society: our self.

Ego is our sense of self-esteem, self-importance, and self-worth (or lack thereof) compared to the world around us. Your imagination manufactures a set of ideas about how you think others see you and how you think others think you see yourself; in essence, this is your personal identity.

Living up to this sacred self-image, your nationality or country, your tribe, your (future) job title, your achievements, your values and morals, your bank account, your (lack of) religion or spirituality, your political ideology, dogmas, authority — or taking shelter in any other label or belief — will give you a sense of belonging and security. Oh, how we'll do almost anything for some external approval and (perceived) security — for we are driven by our fear that the only alternatives are unpopularity, inferiority or even exile.

So, we humblebrag about our achievements and our so-called successes, and we eagerly chase external validation with which to feed the ego monster. Just like a bee to honey, we resort to short-term wins in the form of perceived self-improvement and by creating hopes and plans for the future. In return our brain tricks us with pleasant feelings, for a short while at least. Tomorrow we get to do it all over again.

Despite having resulted in countless (sometimes not so) wonderful inventions and discoveries, fantasising about the future has always remained our favourite game of escape. We think about what could be and we cheerfully absorb other people’s hacks, theories, habits and methodologies, hoping this will quickly and more easily bring us success (whatever that may mean). As we continue to play the game of the world, every second-hand hack we mimic is often an unfruitful attempt to avoid seeing a deeper truth about ourselves. In reality, this behaviour only perpetuates underlying problems.

We allow ourselves to ignore certain truths for the sake of conformity and security. We carelessly rationalise our fear or stress, without even giving it a second thought. We hold on to this murky perception we’ve built, taking it for reality, while disregarding and destroying what’s really in front of our noses. We carry on being obsessed with trying to live up to that idea of a self-image, while graciously wallowing in a state of worry, fear, uncertainty — as we deliberately and desperately try to self- improve, as our current position on the ladder will never be good enough. If only we had a way of achieving more goals, of improving, of being more ambitious, then everything would be better... Then tomorrow we’d finally be happy; then tomorrow we’d finally be at peace with ourselves.

I’m conscious of the fact that we still need to answer the question “Why do we compare?”. Before we can do that, we need to go deeper into the idea of self-improvement first. What is improvement? And can we make progress without the desire to self-improve? This is the point where you’re allowed to lean back and put your feet up.

What you pray for or what you are afraid of, is the creation of your own thoughts. Each of us are solely a collection of impressions and experiences from our environment; we are our own collection of thoughts. Philosophical theories like solipsism go on to say one’s own mind is the only thing sure to exist, everything else — the world around us, all the accumulated knowledge, our personal identity, our remarkable achievements, and in fact all other minds outside our own — might not exist outside our individual imagination.

As we welcome the premise that we (and everything around us) are merely our own thoughts, we need to look at what we’re trying to improve when we’re looking to self-improve. Not why do we crave improvement, but what is it? Are we improving our sense of belonging? Our resilience? Our selfishness? Our idea of how others see us? Finally being promoted to Senior Whatever, and adding to our sense of status and security - is that improvement? Is moving from a scrappy old Ford to the prestigious BMW to the extravagant Ferrari? Is gramming about our portrayed abundance of freedom or happiness progress? (Feel free to pause and think about it.) Perhaps everything is simply staying the same in different ways. Maybe we’re only distracting ourselves from deeper kinds of discomfort, conflict, fear, struggle and anxiety, brought on by nothing more than the thoughts we have about ourselves. Perhaps all this peacocking is nothing more than trifling patchwork; blindfolds; temporary pleasure to trick our brain with. If we must, for the sake of argument, insist on calling it progress, let’s then call it ‘outward progress’ for now.

Our remarkable dream machine is conditioned to time. We’re extremely well-adapted to a world where nearly everything is attained gradually, through time and effort. The seeds for this were planted a long time ago, so long ago in fact that we don’t even think about questioning this concept. (Have you ever?) And we continue to do so as we raise future generations. We wholeheartedly believe and tell our children that in order to get rid of anything or to achieve something, all they need are time and effort. If only they work hard and long enough, then <insert any attained desire> shall set them free. Does that sound like a way to be truly free to you? I think we can agree that this isn’t the type of freedom we all wish for.

Then surely the answer must be to fall in love with the process. As modern day’s biggest platitude goes: “It’s all about the journey”. Although this saying may look nice in a motivational LinkedIn post, what does it even mean? It still sounds like another distraction, yet another ideology; one more game we’re trying to win. A rocking horse may move, but it still does not go forward. Instead of wanting to be perceived as a kind person, wanting to build meaningful relationships, instead of posting photos depicting your faux freedom ... What is preventing you from simply being kind and compassionate? From being truly free from it all? You guessed it, the universal hoax that has indoctrinated us that we can only achieve something by gradually squirming towards it.

Trying to move away from a state of anxiety or stress to a state of inner peace, struggling through this idea of outward progress, will always require time, energy, and effort. However, being free from anxiety requires absolutely nothing. Let’s read that again. Being free from anxiety isn’t the same as trying to move away from anxiety. Being in a state of freedom shouldn’t and doesn’t require effort, time, nor external input. By saying you want to work on getting rid of stress, you’re placing a wall between you and the stress, the thing you want to move away from. And the higher you jump — the harder you struggle, the more you worry about this stress and anxiety — the higher the wall becomes. Until you choose to stop seeing yourself and your struggles as something separate; until you realise that you and your thoughts are the anxiety and that you simply can’t distance yourself from it; until then, you can never be free from the internal struggles, conflict and pain.

Without a doubt, having goals is still the best way of achieving them. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not in any position to say what’s right or wrong. Yet we can’t ignore the truth behind the act of comparing and then desiring:

Wanting more of something like status, stuff, love, positivity, good moments, power, money, approval, freedom or even happiness creates anxiety or stress. We worry that we’re worrying about being worried — which in turn has been proven to physically and psychologically limit our thinking. Long-standing (even unconscious) stress and its related hormones shrink our brain. Much like a river slowly carving its way through a timeworn landscape, negative stress and anxiety literally erode important parts of your brain.

It inhibits our ability to see more basic truths about ourselves and the world around us. For as soon as we’re locked onto a target or committed to our tribe or ideology, it’s difficult to look past the superficial. We barely inquire into why we want to achieve or do something in the first place. We simply want to get there faster than our neighbours, and we’re so incredibly good at it. We grow up being conditioned to the ways of society. We tend to live a life surrounded by plastic stuff, in search for something equally plastic. Society is in fact more devastating and more infectious than any COVID virus could ever be. To quote Jiddu Krishnamurti however, “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society”.

Now, before we all cancel our Netflix accounts and book a one-way ticket to Tibet, let’s switch gears for a second. After all, I promised you a story about a kick-ass spacecraft.

As you’re reading this, a manmade yet unmanned space probe called Voyager 1 is cruising through deep space at a mind-boggling 60,000 km per hour (38,000 mph). On board a gold LP record with images and sounds of Earth, greetings in 55 different languages, and universal directions to our home planet. It’s our bottle in a vast cosmic ocean, for when it inevitably runs into E.T.

Why am I talking about a spacecraft all of a sudden? Aside from the obvious fact that it’s incredibly cool to talk about outer space? (Hello, ladies.) Ironically, because I want to talk about slowing down.

Aside from its initial launch back in 1977, Voyager 1 has not required an engine for it to continue to travel at its incredible speed. Unlike a car where the tires and the road generate friction to move the vehicle forward, Voyager 1 does so completely effortlessly, without friction and without struggle. No pain yet all the gain. Interestingly, it moves so fast yet so effortlessly because it’s not being slowed down by external friction. As we remember from our Physics 101 class: an object in motion simply wants to stay in motion.

Let’s equate this lack of friction, effort, struggle, and pain to our world. If you listen more widely and talk without ego, and increasingly detach yourself from the woes of comparing — not in an attempt to become wiser or happier, but simply as a result of allowing yourself to see things as they are instead of what you’d like to see — you become freer from anxiety and frustration. You free up energy, mental & physical resources, and you have all the right ingredients to make better decisions and generate more productive ideas. You instinctively become less transactional and more focused on cultivating meaningful relationships. It’s the greatest gift to yourself and the people around you.

Without wasting energy on nonsense like social comparison, or worrying about who’s faster, stronger or better, by slowing down, the mind calms. Naturally, a calmer mind makes better decisions. You’re able to look at things and respond to them in a more productive manner. You become more intelligent and full of energy. Let’s call this act of slowing down ‘inward progress’.

What can slowing down look like in practice? (Think about it, don’t just continue reading.)

For example, when I can’t, at a minimum, explain my opposition’s view in a way they’d agree with, I know I have to slow my thinking, set aside my judgment, stop comparing opposing ideas to mine, stop thinking in duality and start asking deeper and more genuine questions to help me understand their side of the argument. I’ll oftentimes learn more about myself than the subject at hand if I allow myself to be more attentive.

A victory over oneself is a bigger and a better victory than victory over thousands of people in a score of battles. Those who have achieved victory over other people can be defeated in future battles. Those who have achieved victory over themselves become victors forever. - Dhammapada

Being happy, joyful, free or blissful can never be a goal in itself, only a mere state you (can) arrive at spontaneously. When you know yourself in a way that’s not born from a desire to know yourself, but simply from an innate flow to keep asking more genuine questions, an indescribable power awaits.

The moment you say, “In this very moment, I am happy”, you’re actually living in the fleeting memory of something that has just passed. Even though you think you may be living in the moment, in reality that moment is already gone, isn’t it? By thinking “I’m happy” or “I’m sad”, you’re actually living in the past. And as you hold on to this illusory thought of being happy or sad in the moment, as you unhesitatingly divide past, present and future, you again create comparison and struggle for yourself. Nothing else.

If instead all you learn to do is look at any situation as it is, without the need to change it, intellectualise it, label it, record it, or run away from it, and without goals or heroes to live up to, there’s no more comparison. Any inner conflict or fear that once was, comes to an end. In case you were still wondering, this is indeed what it means to live in the moment.

When you and I look at things as they are more often - at reality of sorts - truly without desire or judgment, there's no more restlessness. We’re left with clarity and energy, enabling us to do our best possible work, effortlessly.

The nature of what you call magnificent or great will change over time. Less peacocking and more sitting by the campfire whilst gazing up at the stars, without the need to Instagram it.

There’s no tomorrow to be peaceful in; there's only right now. As long as we subscribe to a self-image, aspire to more ambitious labels, and enslave ourselves to comparison, true freedom can never present itself.

You can continue to sacrifice today for an imaginary tomorrow. Or you can live with heart today, in everything that you do.

Where the attention goes, the energy flows.