Do we all need to Man Up a bit?

Is it time to toughen up, see how far you can push your career and get the projects or promotion you really want?

Good! Here is some tough talk, aimed at women but useful to everyone trying to get ahead, whether you have two XX chromosomes or not. It is based on my own experience coaching female leaders, combined with feedback I get from head hunters trying valiantly to find women for their shortlists. The advice is deliberately black and white so I look forward to your comments.

Why do women particularly need to Man Up more?

Gender bias is not a myth...

In August last year the Institute of Fiscal Studies revealed that although more women are becoming the breadwinners in their family, on average women still earn 18% less than men. The gap balloons after women have children and the IFS raised the prospect that women are missing out on pay rises and promotion. It could be that some are working reduced hours, but that does not account for the entire disparity.

 What’s going on?

A 2016 Women in the Workplace study by McKinsey & Co and Sheryl Sandberg’s Leanin.Org found that the pay and promotion discrepancy is nothing to do with women opting out or cutting back. Attrition is roughly equal between men and women. The study found that women face barriers to advancement primarily due to gender bias, some conscious, some not. The researchers found that women face more pushback when negotiating, they get less access to senior leaders, and they receive less feedback.  Senior women can be just as guilty as their male colleagues of bias against other women.

Call people out when you spot unfairness. Two strong senior women, in different organisations, told me recently how frustrated they were when told to be less 'emotional' by their male bosses because they had the gall to challenge a decision! They both said that a male colleague in a similar situation would be viewed entirely differently, as a positive, passionate influence.  

Can we be our own worst enemy too? On top of other people's bias can be our own bias against ourselves: cognitive distortions, possibly from internalised early feedback, which stop us from seeing how capable we really are. Pay attention to your inner voice - do you criticise yourself, down-playing your achievements or aiming for unattainable perfection in all areas of your professional and personal life? Check the assumptions you make about your capability. You wouldn't pressurise or limit your daughter like that, so don't do it to yourself. 

Here are six ways to close the gap faster:

1.  Visibility: Don’t be too polite to push yourself forward

Women have to push harder than men to be visible. That doesn’t mean being aggressive; it just means pushing yourself forward and making people realise how good you are. If you have opinions on the best way to achieve business objectives, then state them. They might not always be right, but they might not always be wrong either. Make your voice heard. 

As a general rule, women aren’t visible enough to get picked for either internal or external promotion. Head hunters tell me time and time again that they struggle to find female candidates, not because there isn’t an appetite now for mixed shortlists, but because women don’t put themselves forward.  There is a dearth of women in ‘boy’ jobs like engineering. Are we making our own glass ceiling?

It’s not enough to be good at your job. You have to be visibly good at it too. Get out there, build your brand, become an expert at something, speak at events, nurture your network and tell people what you are achieving.  Be known to the influencers at work. Develop a snappy “This is who I am and what I do” sentence and plant your brand in people’s minds.

If you have caring responsibilities at home it can be difficult to do out-of-hours networking. Don’t worry about the events you can’t make time for, just force yourself to make more of easy wins. Build enduring relationships with the people you meet in the course of your work by asking questions, listening and finding mutual interests. Try not to eat lunch at your desk catching up on work; use the time to develop networks. Careers are built by figuring out how you can solve other people’s problems and becoming indispensible. You only find that out by talking to them and asking questions and listening. 

 2. Salary: Don’t start on the back foot.

Get comfortable with negotiating your salary. Don’t be tempted to join an organisation or take a promotion on a less than satisfactory salary on the assumption that you will get a pay increase once you have proved yourself. You will forever play catch up.

You’ve got the job because you have shown evidence of previous success. There is a fair market rate for your skillset. Companies don’t say; ‘Let’s give them a chance’. They say; ‘we have a problem and their skillset is the solution, what do we need to pay to get them on board?’

You know you are going to try your hardest to do a good job immediately. So why not push for the highest salary you can, that reflects that? Managers rarely remember how much money you are on. But they will remember your professional pride and confidence.

Many organisations expect you to negotiate when changing jobs. Think of it as gamesmanship. There are few jobs nowadays that don’t involve some element of sales. Employers expect you to demonstrate your skills in the way you manage your own appointment. It immediately marks you out as talent, one to watch. Ask for what you want.

 3. Confidence: Focus on your strengths and differences

You’ll no doubt be familiar with the feedback that women don’t want to take the next step up, until they are practically already doing the job and feel confident they can do it well. I don’t want to perpetuate the problem by talking in stereotypes, but men look at the 70% they can do whilst women worry about the 10% they can’t. 

A head hunter told me the executive men she moves usually want to take their team too, because they want good people around them who they trust to fill the gaps. Move a man and get multiple fees. Move a woman and get one fee only, she said. Women move in a team less often, partly because we aren’t so good at building these trusted networks (less team sports, maybe) and also because we tend to work more independently. Men share the pressures. Women shoulder them. 

4. Prioritise: Write a Do-It list and know your Stop-Doing-It list too.

What are your key role responsibilities and priorities? Does how you spend your time reflect that, or are you wasting time on emails and meetings that reflect other people’s priorities? A big clue is if you are over-working: i.e. doing your most important tasks at either end of the day, not during normal office hours.

Don’t sacrifice the important on the altar of someone else’s urgent. Learn the tools of personal effectiveness and assertiveness so you can focus your time on meeting your own priorities.

Flexible working arrangements are proven to retain mothers in the work force. These arrangements are built on trust. It is crucial that you, your colleagues and Managers are clear on your performance requirements. Location and visibility are irrelevant to good Managers when you are achieving results. Find the confidence to nail down performance requirements if these aren’t clearly defined. 

 5. Your Mind-set: Behave like a Leader, not a People-Pleaser

 Figure out the adjectives that describe a top performer in your role, or better still, the next rung up. Then look, act and think like that person.  Women default to doing jobs that make us liked. It is in our nature to want to please people. Sometimes, it can be politically useful to make a coffee, but if you want to become a Leader then behave like one. Stop automatically doing low-level tasks and above all avoid the temptation to be the Office Mum. Keep your note-taking, tea-making, cake-making, tissue-offering and grammar-correcting skills to yourself.  

 People pleasing can be useful early in your career; it won’t serve you later on.   I’m not saying you don’t have to be an authentically nice person, but take yourself seriously as a role model for younger women at work too.  Why should we put out the sandwiches at the meetings and clear the plates? There’s nothing wrong with being helpful but ‘Sally is so lovely, we love having her around’ doesn’t necessarily mean that Sally gets a promotion or the highest pay rise when it is appraisal time. In fact, if budgets are tight and Sally is less likely to kick up a fuss, she’ll be at the end of the queue. Be known for more than being nice and helpful, you’re not a Brownie any more. 

 6. Get promoted: Life gets easier the further up you go

I’ve known women who reject promotion opportunities because they assume they might tip over their precarious work life balance. Higher-level jobs actually tend to give more flexibility and balance, not less. Senior people have more choice in where they work and how they work because they have less supervision over the tasks they complete. The focus is on output: what they do rather than how they do it. Don’t stay in a lower level job thinking it will give you less stress or more balance. Check your assumptions before rejecting opportunities to step up.

Thanks so much for reading this post. It's from the Man Up chapter of my book, Mind Flip, available to buy from my website, www. zenaeverett.com and also available on Amazon.

Louise Brett, Partner, Deloitte Digital & Head of Consulting Women in Leadership said:

 “It is when you are too busy to take a step back and focus on YOU that you really need to pick up this powerful book."

 I speak to Women's Groups (and other groups too) on how to train your mind and act with more confidence. If you have any question or would like further information, please get in touch, [email protected].