Do this to transform your listening skills

“Listen to your voice, your own soul. Too many people listen to the noise of the world, instead of themselves.” – Leon Brown

"Three years ago, I was in working in Air India. My job was to learn the maintenance of planes. I used to work with the engineers working for Air India for decades. Soon, I was clear about one thing – I didn’t want a future like them for myself. It wasn’t like their life was bad, it’s rather prestigious to be an ‘Aircraft maintenance engineer’; however, that work never excited me enough. An internal voice use to always tell me that you are not made for this.

My friends and I would relax during lunch break under the shadow of B-747 near the runway. Very few plane landings and Take offs would take place in the afternoon, hence it was a peaceful place to relax and reflect on what I want to do in life. Since my junior college days, whenever any of my friends would have problems, I was the guy to approach. They always found my solutions effective and would praise me. Sitting near the runway and reflecting, the incidents of helping my friends would often surface. 

Initially, I would ignore that voice, but when they stayed consistent – it felt like life’s way of giving me a hint. Gradually, I started thinking seriously about it and decided to explore more. After researching more, I came to know about Training and Coaching. I was very excited and felt like this was a perfect career for me (And indeed, it was!).”

This is how the journey of listening to my inner voice started. It goes by different names – gut, intuition, sub-conscious voice etc. Whatever you name it, it is always there inside all of us.) But how many of us listen to it? inner voice (I am using the term “inner voice” for easier understanding) is not just there when it comes to important decision, it is also present in day to day tasks - like the feeling of meeting someone for the first time and somehow feeling comfortable to share everything, getting a free invite to a big event and yet the feeling to avoid it (without knowing the logical reason), wishing to participate in an event even if it will consume a lot of time, etc. I am sure, even you get voices on these lines. But the sad part is, you most likely ignore them. This is where the problems lie.

If you are not listening to yourself, it is very difficult to listen to others. While listening to others, you should be listening from neutral perspectives and not from your fixed views about certain topics or people. Awareness of your views will only come by listening to yourself not doing that, always keeps you confused. That is why you rarely come out of your head when others are talking.

Inner voice can be broken into two parts – negative inner voice and ‘can be positive’ inner voice.

1- Negative inner voice

When it comes to negative voice, you are often quick to act on it, even without reflecting - ‘don’t even think about speaking in front of an audience, that girl/boy is way out of the league, I can't just cold call anyone’ etc. You negative inner voice is the result of past failures but you still accept it, even though situations might be changed.

During a research experiment, a marine biologist placed a shark into a large holding tank and then released several small bait fish into the tank. As you would expect, the shark quickly swam around the tank, attacked and ate the smaller fish. The marine biologist then inserted a strong piece of clear fiberglass into the tank, creating two separate partitions. She then put the shark on one side of the fiberglass and a new set of bait fish on the other. Again, the shark quickly attacked. This time, however, the shark slammed into the fiberglass divider and bounced off. Undeterred, the shark kept repeating this behaviour every few minutes to no avail. Meanwhile, the bait fish swam around unharmed in the second partition. Eventually, about an hour into the experiment, the shark gave up.

This experiment was repeated several dozen times over the next few weeks. Each time, the shark got less aggressive and made fewer attempts to attack the bait fish, until eventually, the shark got tired of hitting the fiberglass divider and simply stopped attacking altogether.

The marine biologist then removed the fiberglass divider, but the shark didn’t attack. The shark was trained to believe a barrier existed between it and the baitfish, so the bait fish swam wherever they wished, free from harm.

Your negative inner talk is similar. Therefore, don’t act on the negative self-talk instantly, listen to it, go deeper, and you will find the root cause. Remember you are not your voice, you are the one listening to your voice. Accept it only after careful evaluation.

Let us examine one negative inner voice.

Carefully analyzing negative inner voice, you will realize many of these thoughts are based on the experiences that happened years ago. Knowing that, will make it easier to substitute them with positive inner voice.

2- “Can be positive” inner voice

“Sometimes you have got to be able to listen to yourself and be okay with one else understanding.” – Christopher Barzak

It is “can be positive” because you are sure that no harm will come by doing it. It might be uncomfortable but in no way negative. You need to stop ignoring this voice, rather, start listening and accepting it. Start with baby steps. For example, if it advises to take a different route to work - do it if it recommends praising your subordinate for a good job, then do it. On entering the home, it compels to hug spouse (of course your spouse) then do it. It’s only when you listen to it on smaller things, you will have to courage and act on larger issues.

“Listen to your inner voice. Trust your intuition. It’s important to have the courage to trust yourself.”- Dawn Ostroff

Now think of small 3 positive things, which your voice told you today – can be texting an old friend, or calling your parents, or making small changes in your style of work etc.

3 things are

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You want people to always listen to you but you are not listening to yourself. Then why others will?

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