Do They See the Real You? Hiding in Plain Sight

Ever walked away from a conversation thinking you were clear, only to realize later that the way you meant to come across wasn’t how it landed? Maybe you thought you were having a simple discussion, and then suddenly the vibe shifts, the energy feels off, and you’re left wondering what just happened.

This is the gap -- the space between what we intend to express and how others actually receive it. And if you’re someone who operates in the world with a mask, whether it’s at work, with family, or just navigating life, that gap can feel wider.

It’s frustrating, right? Because you know who you are. You know what you meant. But somehow it gets lost in translation.

The Challenge of Wearing the Mask

There are people out there who feel like they see the world through a different lens. Maybe they have a deep sense of knowing, an intuitive awareness that doesn’t always fit into the spaces they occupy. And yet, they’ve figured out how to function in environments where expressing those thoughts doesn’t always feel like an option.

Maybe you’ve felt moments of that -- like there’s a part of you that isn’t fully visible in the spaces where you spend most of your time. Or maybe you haven’t thought about it, but something about this idea feels familiar.

Either way, let’s look at what it means to start bridging the gap between what’s inside and what we let the world see.

Lesson 1: The Mirror Effect – Finding the Gaps

A few years back, I was working with my buddy Dean Carberry . If you know Dean, you know he’s one of the most laid-back, easygoing people on the planet. So, when he finally looked at me one day and said:

“Dude, you always get so defensive when I bring this up. Do you know that?”

It hit me.

Oh. So I’m that guy.

Now I’m thinking, if I didn’t know I was getting defensive, what else was I blind to?

Apparently a lot.

That right there is the first lesson. We need external mirrors: people who will tell you how you actually come across. And yeah, sometimes it stings. But if you don’t have people around you willing to reflect back the reality of how you’re being received, then how are you ever supposed to close the gap?

Short answer: you won’t.

Lesson 2: The Right Messages at the Right Time

Fast forward a few years, and I’m in a conversation with another friend, Jon Moises . This time, the feedback wasn’t about something I needed to change, it was a reminder of what I was actually doing right.

And that’s when I realized something else:

Not all feedback is meant to break you down. Sometimes, you’re just in a different place, and you’re finally ready to hear what you needed to hear.

At one point in my life, I probably wouldn’t have even picked up on the subtleties of John’s words. But that night, I was in a space where I could actually receive it. And because of that, it reaffirmed everything I needed to keep going.

The universal algorithm tends to send us the right people, the right messages, and the right moments—exactly when we need them. The key is being aware enough to notice when it’s happening.

The discussion reminded me of conversations I’ve had with other male friends like Jonathan Angelilli, who was a guest on the Understanding The Science of You Podcast , where we’ve all recognized a strange dynamic. These conversations about personal growth, self-awareness, and masculinity are happening in pockets -- small, isolated moments of vulnerability between men -- but no one openly acknowledges they’re happening.

It’s like nobody wants to talk about it, yet somehow, everybody is talking about it. And because I was in a different place myself, I was finally able to engage in these discussions in a more open and meaningful way.

Lesson 3: Your Journey Is Your Own

So here’s the thing:

Nobody’s saying you have to rip the mask off overnight.

You don’t need to go into your Monday morning meeting and start talking about universal synchronicities and energetic alignment (unless you want to ... then by all means, go for it).

But you can let yourself be seen in small ways. Even if it’s just for you.

Because at the end of the day, this journey isn’t about demanding that the world gets you. It’s about making sure that you get you. That your internal truth matches your external expression -- even if only in the quietest, most personal ways at first.

When that starts happening, the mask stops feeling so necessary. Not because the world suddenly changed, but because you did.

Something to Think About

Focusing on what you can control:

• When do I feel most comfortable and why?
• When do I feel most confident and why?
• How do I bring the 'whys' with me into all areas of my life to live as my most comfortable and confident self?

If this resonated with you, keep paying attention to those small nudges, those quiet moments where you notice a gap between who you are and who you allow the world to see.

The shift starts there.

About Understanding the Science of You

Understanding the Science of You is hosted by Graham Skidmore. It is meant to help you discover untapped aspects of yourself and alternative paths to personal freedom and empowerment outside of conventional systems. Follow the podcast on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts! You can also visit scienceofyoupodcast.com.