DO REAL LEADERS EVER ASK FOR HELP?

Well, do they? Do you? Do you ever ask for help? Even occasionally?

Leadership master Simon Sinek does. Often. In fact, he regards it as being the most important skill he learned as a young leader, according to Juan M Fernandez (in The Most Important Skill Simon Sinek Says He Learned as a?Young Leader, in Inc Australia, 11 Feb 24). The most important lesson I learned as a young leader, Sinek said recently, was that I didn’t have to know all the answers or even pretend that I did, and the biggest skill that I learned, one that that profoundly changed the trajectory of my career, was to have the courage to ask for help with confidence.

Sinek’s refreshing candour in sharing this revelation as a new leader - that he didn’t have to know all the answers nor even pretend that he did - somewhat flies in the face of leadership behaviour in all kinds of contemporary enterprises that we have come to accept, largely because it is the leadership under which many of us grew up and which was the approach to leadership into which we were inducted.

Fernandez, whose leadership experience was honed on the basketball court, ruefully points out that this traditional image of the all-knowing leader is widespread. In the high-stakes world of professional sports, I’ve often seen leaders feel the pressure to present themselves as infallible, unerring, and flawless, Fernandez asserts, adding, I’ve seen coaches act as if they needed everyone to know they hold the playbook for every possible scenario, while athletes themselves constantly feel the urge to justify their mistakes, not to have to accept their imperfections.

Fernandez argues that this perception of the leader as being all-knowing is an unrealistic and unhelpful conception of what today’s leaders are and do. No one holds all the answers to anything, Fernandez affirms, and yet he says he now encounters this pattern of leading outside the sports world, in equally challenging corporate and business environments. This is happening despite the fact that this conception of leadership is proving increasingly to be misaligned with the realities of today’s dynamic demands. Indeed, Fernandez says that Simon Sinek challenges this age-old view while advocating for a model grounded in humility, emotional intelligence, and the willingness to seek help.

The power of emotional intelligence and vulnerability

Emotional intelligence and vulnerability are the basis of this leadership revolution. Fernandez reveals that in his journey through the competitive realms of professional basketball and coaching, he has closely witnessed the unique power of vulnerability in leadership. Like Sinek, I learned that the true measure of a leader is in their courage to ask for help with confidence, he shares.

In the world of sports, admitting you don’t have all the answers can be daunting, Fernandez concedes, yet in those moments of candour – acknowledging my knowledge gaps and seeking help – I always found growth opportunities for myself and my team.

His next insight is crucial: Yes, it did involve putting my ego aside, which is a difficult task for most of us, but the reward always turned out to be much greater than the illusory thought of a potential embarrassment or loss of credibility. These particular experiences exactly mirrored Sinek’s insights, Fernandez reflects, and suggested that vulnerability can, paradoxically, be a leader’s greatest strength.?

Neuroscience tells us that the best leaders are those who don’t try to hide their weak spots but embrace their flaws instead, Fernandez explains, adding, this emotional openness gives room for genuine connections, creating an environment where asking for help is seen as a strategic move toward collective success. Fernandez cites successful investor, podcaster, and entrepreneur Steven Bartlett, who said, My approach to life and business is that I don’t have any answers. But I believe in my ability to know how to find those answers.” Sometimes, finding those answers involves asking the people around you for help, Fernandez comments. As Sinek said, you don’t have to know it all.

How to ask for help

Asking for help is a learned skill that requires both confidence and clarity, according to Fernandez. Through my coaching practice, I guide my clients, particularly athletes, toward reinforcing this skill by showing them that seeking help and support is about leveraging the team’s collective expertise, Fernandez helpfully points out, because when team members are able to shift their perspective and look at help-seeking as a way to strengthen the group’s cohesion and resilience, it’s as if an entirely new world of opportunity opens up in front of them. In this regard, well-developed skill in clear communication is a crucial ability to develop.

Fernandez suggests the practice of implementing regular team huddles (in a business or institutional setting perhaps that becomes a small-group team meeting) is a good additional way to promote an environment in which everyone can express their true feelings and opinions, and where leaders can leave room for their team members to learn from one another with openness and confidence.

In a huddle, Fernandez says, the leader or supervisor typically sets the agenda, much like a sports coach would, to then take a step back and engage every team member in the conversation, at times even delegating leadership of different parts of the meeting so different individuals in the group can take ownership of the topics. This is a way to empower everyone to voice their thoughts and create an atmosphere supported by unity and collaboration.

Moreover, team exercises designed to boost emotional intelligence, such as reflective listening and empathy training, can also empower leaders and their teams to embrace vulnerability as a catalyst for innovation and growth, Fernandez attests. The point of this isn’t so much about how to create this kind of culture, but rather the importance of regularly taking intentional steps toward it.

Shifting the leadership paradigm

The contemporary leadership landscape screams for change, Fernandez bluntly contends, indicating that this change is demanded by those in a position to decide which type of leaders they want to be or to follow. If business concerns, enterprises and institutions are to remain fit for purpose in the next decades, moving away from the outdated archetype of the solitary, all-knowing leader and embracing a model that values collaboration, emotional intelligence, and the strength to admit when help is needed will be crucial, Fernandez cautions.

This paradigm shift, backed by experienced leaders like Simon Sinek, and evidenced in the realm of professional sports, Fernandez concludes, holds the promise of a more adaptable, resilient, and people-centred approach to corporate and institutional environments in the future. By embracing this new narrative, leaders across all enterprises can reach new heights in terms of engagement, creativity, and performance within their teams.

So, are you ready to start asking for help? Are you ready to be that leader who pushes ego aside and accepts the reality of your fundamental lack of encyclopaedic knowledge and of ability to provide an answer for every question? Are you ready to see your role as facilitator of robust discussion and open thinking, and then as co-ordinator of the collective wisdom ?your huddle or your team has contributed, so that your collaborative best thinking is fed into a rich and comprehensive solution-finding group of colleagues willing to share their best thoughts? ??

Leading well is a journey that begins with a simple yet profound step. As Simon Sinek said, for any leader, being the smartest person in the room isn’t important. What’s most important is being the one willing to ask for help.

You’ll be so glad you did!