Do not put off showing gratitude

This idea of not putting off, but showing gratitude went like this… 

Once, I had a powerful conversation with a guy who I met at a funeral. I was thinking that he would be speaking about the loved one’s departure with great remorse like the other speakers and attendees. However, this was not the case. He came to support another member of his family, who was at odds with the deceased.

We had a conversation that has stuck with me until this day.

He said, “first, I do not like funerals because they are kind of creepy.” This fella intrigued me because he had a different way of viewing life. The guy proceeded to convey his unique ideology: “people lament/grieve over, say all these supposed nice things about how the dead did this and that, and send large bouquets of flowers as a memorial, but never do any of these things when they can do the most good; when the person is alive.”

I sat there confounded, without any intelligent answer because I had never thought about it before. He continued the diatribe; “but, I want to know why, when the person can benefit from the love/gratitude, not when they are buried in a box deep in the ground.”

This was an epiphany for me. At that point, I decided that I would treat people who traversed my path with VIP status, while they are living. The simple principle changed my entire life.

These are some of the things I do, which you could incorporate also:

1.      I write hand-written thank you cards daily (every day for the last three years).

2.      If I can offer a word of encouragement to someone struggling, I do, whether in person, through a LinkedIn post, or by simply smiling at them in a momentary interaction.

3.      Instead of giving platitudes/mindless sentiments such as: I will pray for you, when you don’t intend to, I seek to help the person if I am led/able with my actions such as: watching their children, calling them on the phone, really praying/checking in to celebrate the victory report/offer words of comfort, buying them a little gift, as well as others.  

4.      When a person in my life achieves a notable accomplishment, I send flowers, bake cookies/make a delicious dish, or take them out to eat for a celebration. 

5.      When there is a conflict, I now, resist the temptation to run away, by kindly expressing to the person how it made me feel, so the relationship can be quickly restored if at all possible.

6.      If I can find any good in a person/situation, that is my motivation, instead of focusing on their negative behaviors.

7.      I genuinely compliment folks, whether it is at the grocery store, post office, at work, or online. It melts hearts when you honestly say what you admire about them.

8.      I acknowledge people for the specific things they do in a coaching/counseling session, or during a longer conversation than a momentary interlude.

Here is the script, if you would like a template:

Acknowledgment Conversation Template: 

What would you like to be acknowledged for, and put in their name?

The recipient states the x things, and I re-frame what they said, with a bit of attaboy/girl in the end.

Here is an example:

“What would you like to be acknowledged for, Sally?”

“I would like to be acknowledged for being willing to open up, when it has been hard for me to do this in the past.”

“Well, Sally, I would like to acknowledge you for your willingness to open up, when I know you have stated that it has been difficult for you before. Great job, with being able to share so transparently from your heart, those things that have got you down. This is great work, and I am super proud of you.”

This was a little reminder to not put off showing gratitude, but to seize the moment, which benefits, both you, and the recipient of your kindness. 

Do you have any other gratitude tips? I would welcome your input.

Thank you for reading.

Your thoughts are very appreciated.

Researcher’s Bio

Karen Bontrager helps 16-24-year-old men make permanent shifts in their behavior from merely surviving in life to thriving through transparent coaching/counseling in one-on-one conversations and in group work, and through topic sensitive workshops. With this ontological approach, I partner with my clients to discover their essence, (aka highest and best self) by powerfully reflecting and listening to them. My clients quickly learn how to generate self-awareness and to voice their own relationship needs in a clear, constructive way by learning key coaching techniques/evidenced based counseling approaches/tools to work past their traumatic events and addictions to move forward. The clients are then equipped to develop healthy relationships with key relationships: parents/siblings/friends, and with intimate dating partners because they have learned how to proactively use their voice.