Do People Feel You Genuinely Care? Why Empathy Is Crucial To Leading In Crisis

As the COVID-19 crisis has upended our lives, it’s left millions wrangling with a raft of intense emotions.

Fear. Overwhelm. Grief. Isolation. Confusion. Sadness. Anger. Anxiety.

Just today I received an email today from a woman who worked in middle management in the energy sector. “I am full of rage,” she wrote, going on to explain how she was informed last week that she would be repatriated to her home country and assigned to a lesser role. Yet her anger wasn’t at the decision to cut overheads at her company’s head office. It was how the decision was communicated. As a long term employee she felt both dehumanized and devalued by how the HR administrators and her boss had managed the process.

“I know this much anger is not good for me,” she said, “but I can’t help it. The lack of empathy for how this impacts me and my family just staggered me.”

As human beings, we emote before we even reason. So despite an intellectual desire to respond to the challenges at hand with unshakeable calm, courage and optimism, sometimes our emotions – particularly anger and fear – can highjack rational thinking and derail decision-making in ourselves and others.

It’s why emotional management is simultaneously one of the greatest challenges and opportunities for leaders – at all levels – in the midst of this crisis.

Enter leadership empathy. 

Simply defined, empathy is our desire and willingness to see as others see and to feel as they feel. According to studies carried out by Development Dimensions International (DDI), empathy is the single most important leadership skill that outshines all others. Yet, perhaps Atticus Finch said it best in Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird:

“You can never understand someone unless you understand their point of view, climb in that person’s skin, or stand and walk in that person’s shoes.”

Empathetic leaders feel genuine concern for others and are intrinsically motivated to help them thrive.

While empathy is important at all times, in turbulent times like these – when fear runs high and uncertainty abounds – it is even more vital. If people don’t feel you care about them when the chips are down, they’ll know you don’t care any other time.

But let’s face it, empathy is not comfortable work. Far easier and less onerous than to ‘climb into another’s skin’ is to pull up the emotional drawbridge and spare ourselves those vulnerable emotions. After all, one might argue, leaders have enough going on already without taking on the emotional whirlwinds blowing around them. 

Clearly some leaders do just that. They retreat to their heads – focus on the numbers, the data, cost-cutting and protecting the bottom line (along with their position). Of course, we need leaders to think rationally, act decisively and harness their full cognitive horsepower.

However…

Leading from the head alone is insufficient. In the midst of such intense uncertainty, leaders need to be deeply connected to the emotional landscape of those in their ranks. Leaders who can not only speak to unspoken concerns and deepest fears, but who can reign them in, fuel optimism and rally their best thinking. Leaders who treat employees as real people with families just like their own, not numbers on a balance sheet. 

Arne Sorenson, CEO of Marriott Hotels, an industry hit hard by this pandemic, demonstrated what empathetic leadership and communication looks like in his address to Marriott associates. While Marriott has needed to close hotels and lay off ‘associates’, Sorenson’s sincerity and empathy emanates through his way of being in this video message below.

A deficit of trust exacts a steep hidden opportunity cost.

Sorenson’s empathy illustrates how taking care of employees is not mutually exclusive with taking care of the bottom line. The idea that one must be traded off against the other is both a harmful and false dichotomy. They are, in fact, the same side of the one coin. Twenty years of working with leaders around the world, across many cultural contexts, has taught me that decision-makers who lack empathy not only fail to build trust in good times, but destroy its fragile threads in turbulent times. This deficit of trust exacts a steep hidden opportunity cost – in collaboration, innovation, loyalty, retention, recruitment and disengagement – long after the crisis has passed. As billionaire businessman Mark Cuban shared in a recent interview:

“How you treat your employees today will have more impact on your brand in future years than any amount of advertising, any amount of anything you literally could do.”

In any organization, empathy can fluctuate across leaders and situations. Yet those at the top set the tone for everyone else. In recent weeks, we’ve witnessed inspiring examples of leaders putting the wellbeing of their employees at the heart of what they do. Leaders dismissing hierarchical structures and forgoing salaries to minimize lay-offs and pay wages. Leaders practicing process agility, disregarding standard ‘corporate policy’ to fund medical costs and childcare. Leaders breaking ranks with their own comfort to provide more comfort for others.

Empathy gets to the heart of what leadership is truly about – genuinely caring about people and wanting what’s best for them. As leadership and customer experience consultant Ron Kaufman shared in my Live Brave podcast, its about

“putting the hearts of others at the heart of what you do.”

Those who have not done the inner work required to connect at the heart level may feign empathy but self-interest is always transparent. We’ve all met such people. Those who have cleverly managed up, climbed the ranks, but are concerned primarily with themselves – their pride, their position, their power – and relate to others not for who they are, but for what they can do for them.

If you’re reading this, I’ll assume you aren’t among their ranks. To that end, here are six ways you can build and express greater empathy as a leader and a human being. As Albert Einstein once said, “empathy is not learned in school; it is cultivated over a lifetime.” 

1. Invest time understanding concerns, spoken and unspoken.

Being fully present for people can be profoundly impactful. So while the pressures of this time may drive you to be highly task-focused, make a point to take time to check in on how people are doing and then (the part people struggle with most), listen – both to what they say and to their unspoken concerns. Creating the psychological safety needed for people to be truly honest is foundational to empathetic leadership. So no matter what they say, however uncomfortable it is for you to hear, ensure they never regret saying it. 

2. Humanize yourself  

The best leaders don’t come across as that ‘little bit better’ than those beneath them in the organizational chart. They are those who can connect on a humble and human level. Sharing personal anecdotes from your own life of what you’re dealing with and how you’re managing yourself can help build rapport and make you more relatable. Your toddler continually interrupting you? Missing your morning espresso from your favorite barista? Sure sometimes the personal can seem trivial relative to the problems at hand. Share anyway. Add in some humor. Humanize yourself. The most personal is always the most general. 

3. Rally people behind a human-centred mission.

In the midst of adversity, people crave meaning; to know that their pain is not in vain but can serve a higher good. Empathetic leaders are attuned to this deep human need and rally people to pull together for a shared ‘mission critical’ that transcends ordinary silos, tensions and competing interests. 

Ask yourself, ‘What really lays at stake here?’

Get crystal clear about why what you’re trying to achieve matters at a human level, not just a commercial one. 

4. Prioritize self-care and role model wellbeing

In the darkest days of the Second World War, Churchill often took an afternoon nap. Some scoffed at his disappearing acts, yet by prioritizing his own energy management, he was able to bring his sharpest thinking to the crisis he faced.  

The combination of losing regular routines and working remotely at home (often in less than ideal circumstances) can take a toll on wellbeing, fuel isolation, and stoke anxiety. Your example of blocking time in your schedule for self-care will send a loud message: prioritize what sets you up to play your A-game under pressure. Doing so will expand the bandwidth within your entire organization to meet the challenges at hand. As I wrote in this column, the more stressed people feel, the less smart they act. Burnt out employees make fewer good decisions and more short-sighted ones.

5. Promote connection and belonging

We perform at our best when we feel included and connected. Working from home shifts the cultural context within teams and organizations so be creative in fostering connectedness and belonging across virtual teams and all levels. For instance, encourage:

·       Virtual happy hours and special interest group meet-ups

·       Monthly book clubs, online yoga or mat Pilates sessions 

·       Dedicated Slack channels to infuse lightness into serious days

Then casually “drop-in” to a few to say hello, see how people are doing or make a little light-hearted fun of yourself. Actions will speak far more loudly than any words when it comes to communicating how much you care. 

6. Nurture hope, spread optimism

“We can and we will overcome this and thrive once again.”

With these words Sorenson finished his video message, instilling hope in the hearts and minds of all who heard it. A study by Gallup Organization of the major crises over the last century identified four core needs people look for leaders to meet: trust, compassion, stability and hope. Helping people maintain hope that better days lay ahead can lift flagging spirits and steel resolve to ‘keep faith and press on’ on the hardest days.

Of course, this requires being grounded in hope and optimism yourself. Research by Stanford University found leaders who operate with ‘attitude-certainty’ provide a sense of stability that creates psychological safety net for those around them in times of uncertainty. 

The greatest resource in any organization is its people. The more people feel cared for, the more they care, and the more they contribute. 

Honing empathy skills through listening, perspective-taking, and compassion not only leads to better outcomes in the midst of crisis, but fosters a “culture of courage” that elevates an organization’s trajectory well into the future. 

Everyone understands tough decisions must made in a crisis. When we put the humanity of others at the heart of commercial decisions, it not only helps us make wiser ones, but builds collective trust, loyalty and engagement that pay dividends beyond incentive plans and brand campaigns. The very opposite emotions felt by the enraged oil executive in Houston (and, dare I say, many of her colleagues). 

So if you do nothing else today, take a few minutes to walk in someone else shoes. Your empathy may not change their situation, but by showing you genuinely care, you will change their experience of it.

From Nobel laureate Maya Angelou:

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

A leadership speaker, Margie Warrell is running virtual programs to help organizations lead through this crisis with more courage, resilience and empathy.

She has just released her fifth book You’ve Got This! The Life-Changing Power of Trusting Yourself.