Do nice people finish last?

Most people will have heard the phrase 'nice guys finish last'. What actually does this say? Do we have to be mean to achieve? Being polite is a fault? I think it is neither of these and I believe a new word needs to be brought into the equation - Bold. Let me explain.

I have always been told I am too nice, I apologise too much, that because I don't like confrontation I can't be a good manager or that I won't be resilient enough. I have always been taught values of kindness, of sincerity, of empathy, of walking in someone else's shoes and to not be judgemental. This means that in my personal and professional relationships, I am nice, I am the annoying nice guy in the workplace that people find hard to hate, but I am sure they could if they tried! That doesn't mean I don't make mistakes, say something wrong in the wrong way or in the wrong tone at the wrong time. It happens, of course it does. But does me being nice mean I will inherently finish last?

We have all seen it, in the world of work, in our friendships, in our families, that sometimes, the people that 'rise to the top', are not always nice people. Now I am not saying they kick dogs and don't kiss their kids when they get home, that is mean, but there is something about them that has allowed them to succeed. In fact, even the nice people who 'rise to the top' have just something about them, but what is it? What is their secret? I go back to the key word 'Bold'.

Why do many people not get the job they want, why do many people not get the salary they want, why do many people not get...well...what they want? The question I would ask is...did they ask for it? Where they 'BOLD' enough to ask? You want a raise...did you ask for it? If so, did you ask for what you wanted? Did you even try?

A simple example of boldness...you got to a place to eat and you see the menu and you order something, and it comes to you not as you ordered...boldness is saying, 'Sorry, this isn't what I ordered'. Boldness could also be ordering not what is on the menu, but seeing what they can do and ordering something 'off menu'. This may seem silly, but actually, taking little steps to 'getting what you want' in small situations like this, will help build your confidence to ask for the bigger things. Equally, don't be an ass, ask for these things firmly, but nicely, don't burn any bridges, but show your intent for personal development and striving for what you want.

But I know what you are thinking, there is a risk, and if you read my previous article, you will know, I am quite risk averse. You know that really, 9 times out of 10, your boldness to ask will result in a negative response. So how do you cope with this? How do you get comfortable failing? The answer...practice...you train yourself to be bold, you make it part of your new normal. You know that asking is likely to result in a 10% success rate, but remember, that is a 10% better chance, than not asking at all!

Getting back to those who are successful, being bold is one element of it, but ask any successful person how they became successful, and most will say, that it is because they learnt from their failures...and how come they failed...because they tried...and why did they try...because they were bold and were drive to achieve the goal they set themselves.

So, how do we answer the question of 'Do nice guys finish last'? One the one hand, being bold and driven is likely to help you be successful, equally, being nice is also helpful in building relationships that can open doors you didn't even think would open. The simple answer to the question is that being nice on it's own, is not enough to achieve the success you want. You have the potential to use build on your skills (of which being nice is one) to get to where you need to be. Don't be scared to try, don't be scared to realise that moving forward takes side steps, diagonal steps or sometimes backwards steps. So long as you have a goal in your mind, the journey to get there will help you become a better you.

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take, so take shots, take lots of them, and you will find a way of shooting that works for you.