Do manners matter anymore?

We've all been there. You meet the PERFECT candidate for your recruiting position. First interview is a smash, second interview is even better! You feel like nothing can stop your momentum now! Smart, educated on paper, qualified, a great conversationalist...the list of attributes continues with this candidate. Thank you emails and prompt follow-up calls. Ah! It's all going to plan. You confidently schedule a dinner to "close the deal." You greet the candidate at the front of the restaurant full of overwhelming joy that FINALLY your role is going to be filled. And not just with a good candidate, a GREAT candidate. Life is amazing and you're already popping celebratory champagne because this position has been open for what feels like FOREVER.

The waiter comes to the table; you each order your respective drinks and clink to a bright potential future (because nothing is done until it's done). Dinner orders are taken and you can basque in your potential future success with Mr./Mrs. Awesome Candidate at your side. For simplicity(and protection of the innocent) - we will utilize a female candidate for the remainder of this story.

Appetizers and bread are served and you easily brush off the napkin that remains in front her, folded in its perfect little way. You think to yourself, "she is caught up in the moment," as you now begin to notice her elbows still firmly affixed to the table. You tell yourself "Stop being such a "Persnickety Patty" and enjoy this fine meal!" Oddly, your bread plate is gone...hmmm. That's weird. You politely ask the waiter for another one and notice he removes it from the left-hand side of your candidate. Strange. No bother - MOVING ON. Conversation is flowing, you tell yourself to stop thinking so much! Dinner has arrived...errr...well Mrs. Perfect's food has arrived. She digs in!!! Whaaat? Yes, she started eating before your food was delivered. You're starting to panic a little on the inside. I mean, EVERYONE knows that rule right? You wait until everyone is served?

As you sit in silent disbelief and hunger, you just wait...and you watch. Watch as she feverishly cuts her meat hunched over the plate. Her fork and the knife are being held like, like...like she could quickly turn and stab someone!! OH the AGONY OF DEFEAT??!! Your meal arrives as she is half way through masticating (with an open mouth) her steak and you're dying a little with each unappealing bite you watch her take. Appetite. GONE. Balloon deflated.

How do you approach this? What do you say? So many thoughts racing through... "I cannot put this person in front of a client. I certainly cannot present them to any of our executive leadership. Where did it go so wrong and how the heck do you know whether someone has the manners of a barbarian or not?"

So how did the night end? It ended with me saying "I'll call you." I really had to give this some thought. Should I be honest and say "your manners are an atrocity?" Should I just say "we found another candidate.?" Or is this a candidate worth investing in? I saw this as an opportunity.

Here is what I did and would recommend:

1) Identify the issue and determine whether it's a coachable issue. You may have the ideal candidate sitting before you, you just have to put in a little work. Remember, I've written before about being honest, but being kind. Share your concern with kind regard. Think how YOU would want to receive critical feedback like this.

2) Present a solution and ALWAYS be a part of that solution. This creates loyalty, the opportunity to be a mentor, and trust. It is said that people don't leave companies, they leave leaders. This is your chance to lead by example and create a bond.

3) Follow up, follow through and watch em' grow. Investing in people is a risk. It is a risk worth taking because the positive outcomes almost ALWAYS outweigh the negative ones.

If you ever have a question about etiquette, look no further than the guru Emily Post www.emilypost.com. Her family has continued her legacy of all things manners. Here are your TOP 11 Table Manners. I added #11, well because I believe it was an oversight and it's an important one.

1. Chew with your mouth closed.

2. Keep your smartphone off the table and set to silent or vibrate. Wait to check calls and texts until you are finished with the meal and away from the table.

3. Don’t use your utensils like a shovel or stab your food.

4. Don’t pick your teeth at the table.

5. Remember to use your napkin.

6. Wait until you’re done chewing to sip or swallow a drink. (Choking is clearly an exception.)

7. Cut only one piece of food at a time.

8. Avoid slouching and don’t place your elbows on the table while eating (though it is okay to prop your elbows on the table while conversing between courses, and always has been, even in Emily’s day).

9. Instead of reaching across the table for something, ask for it to be passed to you.

10. Take part in the dinner conversation.

11. Wait until everyone at your table is served to begin eating.

The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones. ~Gabirol

I'm interested in your feedback and experiences. Have you had this moment or ones like it? What would YOU DO!??