DO LOOKS MATTER? THE UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTH …What are you grateful for? …. Ready to lift your spirits and change your life for the better?....part 198

Tapping into that emotion can be life-changing as research shows practicing gratitude reduces stress and improves sleep, heart health and immune function.

If there’s one thing people hate talking about, it’s looks.

Looks are superficial. Physical attractiveness is subjective. And as a society we already assign far too much value to how people appear, and not enough to who they are.

Do looks matter? Yes, and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of shit.

Physical appearance is not a visceral part of attraction for women, unlike for men. But women are exponentially more open towards attractive men than unattractive ones.

I am an average looking guy. Consequently, in my life I have neither generally been approached by girls nor have I encountered much resistance after approaching them. I get looks, which are usually invitations, but nothing overt or direct.

Meanwhile, I have a friend who looks like a male model, and even though his “game” is worse than mine, he is not only routinely approached by girls, but girls will ask him out on dates. Out of nowhere. And that’s just the direct stuff. The number of looks he gets means virtually any girl he’s around would be happy for him to approach her.

He’s a good guy, but doesn’t understand women so well so these dates don’t usually go places. But the number of opportunities he gets is insane.

I can’t speak for many guys but the way I choose is this..

The Physical. That’s what I see first and that’s what’s going to draw me in. So imagine a woman about 10 steps away. I don’t know her. I don’t know her personality.

can only see her figure, her body, her face, her flowing her, her tall or short slim body. Her being approachable by looking at me, smiling, turning her body towards me and walking a few steps. Maybe even wave which sometimes happen as well.

In all honesty, this is what captures my attention. Visual first. It’s like anything. You’re attentioned is grabbed but when you approach you’re brain is on high alert, looking for other things as well….

Next it is Psychological. I need to know if I can get along with her. I need to know her personality, if she is social like me, has social instinct, see things way I do, can take humour, is fun like me and don’t take life, sex and all that so seriously.

If I feel safe with her because I might introduce to friends later on. I might in future share personal stuff. I value my social circle etc cetre. So I am looking for more deeper meaning than the outer in this phase.

Now I determine if she is reliable, if she is honest, if she respects my time, if she doesn’t play hard to get, if she starts showing insecurities. I watch for habits and major red flags.

Does she talk about past relationship? Has she got lots of baggages?

Does she treat others around her well?

Does she treat me well after sex or starts being insecure?

Or she going to act like some bitch?

Is she going to change and I find she isn’t who she says she is?

I am on high alert and watching very carefully.

If I find something she says, something she does, and it turns me off, I will say so and that means, I am going to see how she reacts to my honesty which isn’t brutish, but polite. I am going to watch for drama.

She will probably be doing the same with me too but maybe look at different specifics stuff as we’re all different.

So perceived value first and then absolute value follows. If the visual appealing is there but the other part is not there, then forget it.

It’s not going to happen for me. It won’t work.

No, it doesn’t mean I am disregarding visual appeal. I can still attract women with both. They are out there and I do attract them in my life.

I want to enjoy each other’s company as well.

I can’t be intimate with someone just for their look.

Yes, they be appealing in my eyes but I need also the other part, the personality, the rich values, her opinion on how she sees world, life, people, sex, and the way she makes me feel alive, where she’s kind, compassionate, mature etc.

That we click together, where we are sexually attracted to each other and comfortable. Like it was meant to be. We click.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate. 

Thank you …First thing is actually psychological attraction. After that I look at her face and eyes, as well as her body. I want her to be appealing to me. I’ve had girls that are overweight as well as skinny girls. It’s good with both, but I find something that is appealing to my eye, physically and mentally.

Women, just like men, can change in just 1 month, due to illness, or injury or whatever. Looks are overrated, but are important, in terms of, she has to be appealing to your eyes.

If the guy already knows her, then he’s asking her out for a reason. That may be because he only wants to get in her pants or it may be that he wants to get into her heart and soul (and the pants come with that). If a guy asks a girl out, the physical appearance thing is already in there.

Now if the question is about physical appearance on an approach when you don’t know each other or barely at all, then the answer is yes. This sometimes happens or expresses as ‘she’s my type’, all the way to fetish about foot size or eye color, but except for the really edgy cases it always involves some form of self-scoring.

If a guy approaches a girl, he’s calculated: she’s in my class or group. She may be more physically attractive but then I have a good job and a good personality so maybe she cares more about that. She may be less physically attractive than I rate myself, but I think her personality gives her a higher score.

I’m not talking about the guy who approaches a specific type of girl because he’s relatively more assured that he can manipulate her better, but that’s a similar thing: he rates his skill, whether that’s at seduction or being in a relationship, and judges ‘I can get her into bed’ or ‘I can show her to my parents’ or ‘I can win an argument with her’ or whatever.

So when a guy approaches a girl, he has a relatively weighted system in his head. It’s generally flexible, although many men are fairly inflexible about certain specifics. He’s rating you. If he asks you out, he’s already rated you.

I was sitting next to a couple on a meet-up date. Very attractive people. He kept bringing up his family and what he likes to do. She brought up her work, how she got into a very selective program - which he asked about, but by asking if the program was selective.

After he left, I ended up talking to her for a moment. I said something like that was a job interview. She got it. He was looking at this hot young woman of his age group as a potential life partner if she would do stuff that he wanted with his family and him and fit into his conception of what life was.

He showed no interest in her intellectual passions. That’s how many, many men proceed. I find that middle-aged women don’t necessarily know any better about men, just more about their own needs.

Want to add word or two?

My comment to a girl/young woman is to decide: ok, if he’s asking me out, even if he’s just approaching me, he’s rated me in some way.

What way?

 Odds are I’m attractive enough. For what?

Look at him. Is he attractive to you?

If he is, then he’s likely rated you somewhere in that range too, maybe at the high, maybe right on, maybe at the low but still in his range. I consider this one of my best tips to girls of all ages: use this knowledge to uncover what he’s thinking.

Say he’s not attractive: now you have something to talk about because you want to find out why he’s rated himself and you this way. I’m assuming you have some base of experience to say ‘he’s less/more/about the same as other guys who’ve talked to me/asked me out.’ If not, then think of this as research.

Your comment ….?

There is probably something about him that he rates highly to approach you if he’s less attractive than your norm for guys talking to and at you. That might be anything.

Let’s say he’s really attractive.

He’s rated you in some way. Is it because he thinks he can charm some sex out of you?

Is it because he thinks you’re prettier than you rate yourself?

That, btw, is one of the major guy fantasies: pretty much most men dream of a woman who blossoms for him, because of him. (This covers a lot of ground, including the urge to show ‘your’ woman off, all the way into sharing fetishes in which he’s enabling her sexuality, etc.) It’s a typical bit of male egotism to think she’s really become more beautiful with me and for me. This is not a bad thing; it’s often that kind of attraction which carries you past child bearing and all that does to your body. It’s a version of that ‘glow’ which can become love.

Let’s say you’re a really attractive girl. That’s a strange position because it’s very difficult for really attractive women to learn how men are because so many men react to them and men fall so easily into specific patterns that they can be used by men who know these patterns and make themselves different.

To be clear, I mean that volume of male approaches - and eying, etc. - often leads not to clarity but confusion about what this or that specific male means. It’s hard to know yourself when people view you as series of exteriors.

No wonder people mark themselves with tattoos and piercings, right?

At least that sends signals to a group and gives you an internal reference basis that can anchor how you act. This is not always healthy: drug addicts and depressives and self-harmers do the same kind of identity sharing.