Do not limit yourself

In order to succeed at being yourself, build confidence, and overcome insecurity you must focus on potential instead of limitations. ??Focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses. ?

We cannot do anything and everything that everyone else is doing or anything we want to do.

1. Take accountability.

To truly take accountability, you have to recognize that you are responsible for your life and your results. Every relationship you have is a choice, so when you have people in your life who bring you down, you are choosing to have a relationship with them.

2. Identify the toxic relationships in your life.

You were born with an internal thermometer called your feelings. That is why we are naturally drawn to things that make us feel good, and move away from things that make us feel bad. Yet when it comes to relationships, we often ignore our feelings.

Think of the relationships that exhaust you and suck the energy out of you. These are the toxic relationships and they need to be labeled as such.

3. Coach them up.

In spite of their best efforts, sometimes people are a negative influence in your life unconsciously. They do not recognize that they are pulling you down, so help them understand the type of relationship you are looking for and coach them up.

You can do this by coming from a place of love and empathy and clearly explain that you are not happy with your relationship and want to make it better.

4. Have realistic expectations.

Recognize that you are asking this person to change, which takes time. To have one conversation and expect the relationship to be cured is not realistic. Be patient with them.

As long as they are making an effort to improve the relationship, continue to guide them until they are contributing to your success.

5. If it comes to it, cut them out.

If they are not willing to make the changes you need, just like a toxic employee in a company, they must be eliminated. This is not easy to do because you care about these people, but you work too hard and your dreams are too important to allow them to continue pulling you down.

Approach them with love and understanding. Explain that you tried to improve the relationship, but at this point you can see things will not change so you are no longer able to continue having a relationship with them. Wish them all the best, and part ways.

While this is a viable option for many toxic relationship, what do you do if these people happen to be family members and you cannot remove them from your life? The answer is to distance yourself.

Do not return their phone calls as fast. At family gatherings, make the conscious decision to spend your time with other people. If you cannot avoid interaction, put minimal energy into the conversation.

The people you surround yourself with have a powerful affect on the way you think and your perception of what is possible. Make a commitment to surrounding yourself with people who lift you up and encourage you. If you do this, you will find yourself surpassing every goal you have, and earning more income that you have every imagined.

Many people don’t ever reach their personal or professional dreams because they limit themselves – e.g. a limiting thought like “it’s not what you know, but who you know” possibly holds you back from placing yourself in a position where you intentionally look and apply for new opportunities. Limiting thoughts produce doubt and doubt retards self-belief and confidence. It holds you back from putting your giftedness “out there” and prevents organisations from benefitting from your potential contribution.

Overcoming doubt and deliberately moving yourself out of comfort zones (tasks of which you feel most at ease doing) takes courage, which has to be in place if you are to reach your potential. An elastic band only reaches its real potential when in a stretched state – when un-stretched, it serves no purpose. The human being also needs to be stretched towards achievement. Nathan Chiroma (senior lecturer at Pan Africa Christian University) notes: “Limiting ourselves to only what feels comfortable can be self-sabotage. Pushing past our doubts is a spiritual battle. When we begin to envision our possibilities, fear is inevitable, but it is not a stop sign”. Mental fear “boundaries” are self-made, but can be dismantled. They need not stay in existence. Making excuses, staying in the safe end of the pool and finding ways to ignore anything that might challenge beliefs, however, never propel us forward – they debilitate us. Michelle Homme notes seven negative impacts of self-limitation:

1. We look for failure – we expect the worst and thus don’t take risks
2. We follow the crowd – we follow the “school of fish” never stopping to ask if this is really what we are wanting to do
3. We play it safe – we are cautious so as never to get hurt
4. We have no hope – our world is full of hatred and animosity which won’t ever go away, so we give up and lose belief
5. We stop listening to our hearts – we fill our lives with possessions and other stuff. At the end, we don’t feel any more full and our hearts beg for us to listen to them
6. We quit – we give up the good fight because it is hard with no guarantee of success
7. We forget our “why” – our draw towards a specific goal has lost its meaning and we forget our reasons for beginning in the first place

Re-establishing your purpose, setting goals and acting on them take courage and a lot of hard work, but they also provide many benefits:

• You’ll get things done, learning new things as part of the journey
• You’ll become more confident as you start mastering new skills
• You will be more present – not living in the past, but showing up and squaring up to the challenges of today
• You will become an “ideas” person (more creative) – more ideas will flow as you get excited about the potential of your purpose
• You will become an example that others wish to follow – your purposeful action will inspire others

Stop limiting yourself. Use your giftedness appropriately and be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.

Have you ever noticed a pot plant before?

Not only noticed it but gave it a great deal of attention too. I didn’t expect something so simple, so normal, would hold such Wisdom. As I looked into my backyard one morning, I could not help but appreciate the trees swaying with the wind. Looking around, I noticed the beginnings of a fruit-tree in an old concrete pot.

This unexpected and beautiful sight stayed with me for a few moments before I realized something quite saddening

This seed would never grow into its potential because it will forever live behind the boundaries of the old concrete pot. It interested me greatly to see how an environment could affect the exploration of potential. I mean, all this seed needed was a different environment and it would grow into an amazing fruit-tree, which could nourish people for generations.

How could I not compare this to life and the people that live it?

I see people, filled with great potential, held back by their surrounding environment — they can’t grow any further than the boundaries set for them. But what I feel to be worse, is that people see their concrete pot to be their surrounding environment and not their internal environment. They don’t see that the limits imposed on them, are the ones they impose on themselves.

Because each person sets their own limits

Limits may be imposed onto you by different people and situations, but you choose when to be limited. It is for you to decide how you are affected by the influences of others. Realize that you are your own individual, living your own life and setting your own boundaries. Use this psychological freedom, let it help you thrive and grow, regardless of where you are placed.

Let me share the words of John C. Maxwell:

Growth is the great separator between those who succeed and those who do not. When I see a person beginning to separate themselves from the pack, it’s almost always due to personal growth.

From this, I wish for you to keep these with you:

You Are A Seed Filled With Potential

You may not have considered this before, but do not underestimate this fact in yourself. You are born, just like every other person. Your environment may be different, but it is for you to use to grow into your potential. Realize this, else some other may come along and define your worth for you.

People can help you explore your potential, but you alone must decide your potential

Listen to your feelings, they will focus your attention on everything meaningful to you. Don’t sit idle with these meaningful characteristics or actions, be inspired by them and develop them in yourself. Like a seed that draws nourishment from each thing imposed on it, so must you. Let each day deepen your roots and guide you towards actualizing your potential.

“Every living organism is fulfilled when it follows the right path for its own nature.” ― Marcus Aurelius

Define Your Own Limits

I now understand that limits are inevitable — they are the subtle decisions you make to stop yourself from following something further. Whilst this does have a negative tone, I see immense value behind this tone. If you consider limits well before placing them, they can save you from following the wrong paths — they become barriers you place to keep you safe and well on your journey.

But you have to carefully consider where you place them

If you place the ones imposed on you without considering their value, you could hold back valuable parts of you for the wrong reasons. Listen rather, to your feelings. Let it guide you towards understanding what to keep and what to let go of. This process will ask a great deal of strength from you, but if you commit, you will protect your growth as an individual, the very reason you exist.

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

You Get To Decide What You Can And Cannot Be

This responsibility brings immense value with it. You will find many things living inside of you, waiting to be awakened, waiting to be developed. But you will also find many things that you need to let go of, things that mislead you. These lessons are a part of the process towards discovering your potential.

But don’t expect to know them all in the beginning

Life is a journey filled with many unexpected experiences. Each day brings many lessons with it. These lessons can help you deepen your roots, but you have to decide the value you find in them. It is a challenge, yes, and if you mislead yourself, you could harm your growth. But if you muster up the strength to find the honest value in each lesson, you will live each day serving your growth well.

“Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as in being able to remake ourselves.” — Mahatma Gandhi

Unlock your potential