Do individual dreams and personal ambitions exist in communal societies?

Does an Authentic Self Even Exist in These Countries? ??

A compelling question for me as an expat life coach.

In the Netherlands my country of origin, one of the first questions people ask each other when meeting is, "So how is work? How is your business doing?" In contrast, in Morocco, I have experienced the opposite. When running into people there, the conversation generally goes like this: "How are you?" (repeated in three different ways: "Labas alik?" "Kidayra?" "Kolshi bikhir?"). After answering "I am doing fine" for the second time and being asked again, I sometimes still question myself: Was my Arabic incorrect? Did I pronounce it wrong? This is followed by questions like, "How is your sister? How is your son? Say hi to your parents! Is everything okay with your husband?"

Although the usual intense warm hugs when meeting someone make up for a lot, these repetitive conversations frustrated me hugely!

You might think, how kind and warm; why would you be irritated by this? And I didn't understand my frustration at first either. But after a while, I realized that I felt I never really got to talk about me, my goals, or my ideas. For someone coming from a highly individualistic society that focuses heavily on personal aspirations, self-reliance, and independence, this was difficult and quite an adjustment. It made me wonder: ???? ???????????????? ?????????????????????? ???????????? ???????? ?? ???????????????? ???? ???????? ???????????????? ??????????????????? ???? ???? ???????? ???????????? ???????????????? ???????????????????????

Communal societies, such as Morocco, are deeply rooted in community, family bonds, and collective responsibility. The strength of these connections provides a profound sense of belonging and mutual support. Literally everywhere I travelled with my husband where we met Moroccans, they treated him like a brother. For example, a few weeks ago we visited Brussels and strolled through a second-hand curiosa market. My son saw a toy he was interested in, and when I asked the seller for the price, I thought (Dutch as I am) it was way too expensive. Then I heard him talking to his friend in Darija (Moroccan Arabic). I asked him again, this time in Darija, if he could lower the price as Sami (my son) was Moroccan as well. I jokingly asked what he could do for his "brother." He was surprised, he laughed and said, "For the little Moroccan, it's for free; see it as a gift from his brother." He added, "You see, that would never happen to you with Dutchies among each other." And I guess that might be true.

After spending more time in Morocco and discussing this topic with locals, I realized that individual dreams and ambitions definitely do exist but are often intertwined with the collective well-being. Personal goals are frequently pursued in ways that benefit the community, aligning personal success with the success of the group.

For example, consider a young entrepreneur in Morocco who dreams of starting a business. While in an individualistic society, the primary focus might be on personal financial success, in Morocco, the entrepreneur often aims to create a business that also provides jobs for family and community members. This approach not only fulfils the entrepreneur’s ambitions but also supports the collective welfare.

So, do individual dreams and personal ambitions exist in communal societies? Absolutely. They just take on a different form, reflecting the intertwined nature of personal and communal well-being. Now, I'm not saying one is better than the other; it just taught me a beautiful lesson: The power of authenticity combined with a community/collective focus can results into magic, creating a unique blend of personal fulfilment and collective success.

After all, what is the fun in living authentically if you can't share it with others?

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