Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Word to the Wise Wednesdays by Wadsworth

Do as I Say, Not as I Do

The other day my brother-in-law called me out during our book club meeting. He didn’t realize that was what he was doing but that was the end result. We were discussing Chapter 3 of The Good Life. He asked me why I always fought for the underdog? Answering his question also answers the question at the end of last week’s writing – why do I find it easier to help/push others than I do for myself? I also realize it might be the answer that many of you would provide. Honestly, I answered him like I knew he was going to ask the question; it came out that easily.  I shared it was easier to focus on others than yourself. I went on to comment that instead of dealing with my own issues when I was younger, I chose to help others deal with their issues. A strong case of do as I say, not as I do. 

Like many people when I was younger, I struggled to establish my own identity, and instead it was wrapped around my job. The energy that could have been used to help me develop as a person was focused on my students and my staff. I helped them develop and it helped me avoid my own issues. This often worked very well for my professional aspirations but often had horrible consequences for my personal life.

For what it’s worth, that was my answer. I fought for others because I wasn’t ready to fight for myself. Do you know people like this? Are you one of these folks? 

I have been thinking about this as I watch one of my recent favorite TV characters – Papa from the Chi. Papa’s confident self is what stands out to me. He knows who he is, what he wants, and more importantly, he protects it. Many of us might have a good idea of who we are and what we want, but do we protect it? When I was younger, I did not protect it. On the show, when Papa is asked to do something he knows goes against his beliefs/what he stands for, he says no and usually provides an explanation. He protects it. So many of us know what we want but we just do not know how to protect it. In order to reach your full potential, especially to go beyond your potential, you must protect yourself.

Confidence and protection go hand in hand. If you’ve ever received an email from my OU email account, you will see a quote about confidence in my signature line. It says, “If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won even before you have started.” (Marcus Garvey). I have used this quote for many years. Although it appears in my outgoing email messages, I began using it to remind myself to be confident. When I was afraid to make that next move or when my potential and my level of confidence did not coincide, I would think of the quote. Doing this often provided that extra push I needed.

What do you do for that extra push? Where does your confidence come from? These are probably not questions you consciously think of every day. I know I don’t. But, when I do think of them, I have to quickly remind myself that I have the confidence, skill, and potential to move forward.

This is exactly what we need to remind our students. They have the confidence, skill, and potential. In fact, they have more than they need; it is in them. It is in you to help them tap into it. It is our job but it is also our privilege. I remember a conversation once with co-workers where I stated, “I need to believe in what I do”. I would have a hard time getting out of bed everyday and going to a job that I did not believe in and find fulfillment. If I did not believe I could help others tap into their potential, I am not sure what the next move would be for me. 

We are all trying to get through an unprecedented time in our lives. Please don’t forget how this also impacts our students. In this realm of uncertainty, they are given way too many reasons to call it quits. It is our privilege to remind them that there is a better choice to be made. They must choose to live out their dreams. They must choose to attack this stage in their life with the same vengeance they would without a pandemic. Remind them to protect their dreams like Papa. Great potential lies inside all of us. It just takes a little confidence. Believe in what you are doing for you are changing lives each and every day.