Do I need to listen to what other people think of me?

Do I need to listen to what other people think of me?

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We all need to learn somehow – and in order to be our best selves – sometimes we need to reach out to others for feedback… and sometimes people give us feedback even we aren’t looking for it.?It is healthy to take some feedback, but there are rules, which are necessary to keep the process safe and for learning purposes.

?Does anyone get to have an opinion?

?Short answer – NO!

?We would be remiss to open ourselves up to feedback from those who do not matter – let me explain this more.

?When considering feedback, it’s important to consider the following to assess if the intention is good or lacking:

?1.????Who is giving it to me? – if you’ve asked for it then fine (still consider you may get some sharp edges if you’ve chosen to be brave and reach out to someone you have had conflict with). I like to use this check…. Would I take advise form that person (on any topic you care about e.g., kids, pets, mortgages life insurance etc) If the answer is no then you’re probably unlikely to want to accept their constructive criticism either.?If someone’s intentions to make you feel bad – then you let that go immediately – its more about them, than you!

?2.???What are the circumstances? – does the feedback follow an argument, an important meeting, an unexpected kiss??Whatever the scenario just think, are there emotions at play here on either side that could influence the feedback I’m being given. This is not a ‘get out of jail free’ card that means you can stop paying attention but more influential about how much to put stock in what you are hearing. ?

?3.???Can I use it? – Feedback must be useful!?Someone once criticised the size of my nose of social media – this feedback is neither useful or constructive, so I chose to ignore it.?Feedback that’s useful should share things your super at and some stuff you could improve on – with tips how to achieve that.?For example, ‘It was lovely to have you in that meeting, next time you speak, do so a little louder and with conviction, would really help everyone get on board and have confidence in your thoughts. ‘

?If the thought of getting some feedback still makes you uncomfortable – read on!

?How can I be good at taking feedback?

?1– learn to give yourself feedback! ?Do it as often as often as possible, could be after a big meeting or just after doing the dishes, practice makes us more comfortable with the process.?Make it positive and constructive.?When you practice your brain will accept the behaviour more readily and you will begin to start seeing praise as a gift, instead of something that makes you cringe! ?

?2 – ask for feedback from others – extending out and asking and accepting feedback from others is important in our development.?It demonstrates to other and ourselves that we actively wish to improve and allows a much better flow of communication if handled well.?Be clear what you want feedback on and make it specific when you ask.

?3 – ask what they meant – sometimes we hear something different to what was intended for us.?Make sure you repeat back what you’re hearing and check it out to make sure you got the right message.?That way it saves any uncomfortable misunderstandings and makes the process meaningful.?

?4 – be patient and say thank you – giving feedback may be just as comfortable for the other person – who may never have been asked before! Be patient with them as they navigate the process and be grateful for their time and that fact they are trying.?If they complement you – say thank you!?It is important not to justify or explain away feedback, good or challenging.?Do not argue – just say thank you!?That may be hard but there’s learning in everything so take it and process it.??

The lesson we need to learn is that feedback is life giving! It enables us to thrive, like fertiliser to plant-life, we can feed from it when given constructively and grow.

Being afraid to hear what others think is somewhat natural, but not a necessity.?To learn more about introducing feedback into your life or your workplace contact me at [email protected]

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